Hello All,
I have made many mistakes in life and learnt by them but one mistake I can never learn is that online gmabling and gambling in any form will eventually drain me of all my emotions, energy, finances and the love of my family and friends.
I have gambled on and off for over 8 years now and it has reached a peak whereby I have no more lies that I can tell to peple to help me crawl out of the financial mess I am in, its not just the fact that I have no more lies to tell but I am sick and tired of the ducking and diving I have to do to get beyond the first week after pay day and literally survive to the next only for the whole cycle to start over. The root cause of all this stress is gambling. The compulsion began after a huge win of over £3500 followed by a massive win of over £80k, despite everyone telling me how lucky I was, little did I know that I had become one of the unfortunates who would take a downward spiral into the seedy world of compulsive gambling of which I am totally ashamed. I now have debts which given my income I should never have accrued and have had to enrol of a debt management plan that will clear all my debts within 18 months. Fortunately I have not got to the point of having a CCJ listed against me but had I not enrolled on the DMP that would have been the next step.
After seeking some further advice,I have now installed blocks on all devices within our house of which my sister has password etc so I cannot bully my husband into giving in to me which I have done in the past , I have excluded from all land based casino's in the UK and I have joined GA to which I have been to 1 session last night and intend to get to 2-3 sessions per week if and when able. One thing I did do that I was told was not acheivable was to call my bank and I requested a block on my card for all gambling transactions, whilst they said they cannot do this they were however extremely helpful in going back through all my transactions for the past 2 years and blocked all merchants that were related to gambling so any future requests to gamble using these sites would be blocked. They did advise that alot of the sites online use the same merchants which I now find reassuring. I know there are millions out there but I cannot access any gambling sites now anyway due to the web blocker which is now extremely effective, (I've made sure that I've tried every system that I have used in the past to bypass the blocker but this time it is completely secure).
I believe there is alot of support on this site and hopefully my gamble free day's will turn into week's then month's then year's.
I know what I have done is wrong but I want to stay positive and achieve my ultimate goal of living a gamble free life. I also know there will be people who will judge me and without knowing my circumstances will be quick to condemn me but I am somebody who will take more notice of positive words of encouragement to stop from like minded people who have walked this journey. At the GA meeting last night I left feeling positive and enthused that there is help and support out there for all CG's and to take everything on board. Today is the start of my journey to having a peaceful mind and a life without gambling.
Thanks for anybody reading my post.
Anneka
Anneka
You are not alone.
Your post is long and concise and you have obviously thought long and hard about your position. You have made the decision to stop gambling, this is the start. Take it one day at a time.
The next few days will be tough but take it a step at a time. Remember why you are not gambling.
Keep posting on here, set up diary and follow your own history while reading how other people are feeling and combatting their demons.
You will come through this, but it will be a battle.
Good luck
Thanks to 21646pjc for your helpful response. You are right in saying the next few day's will be difficult as I've thought about nothing but gambling, but some positive if there is any out of this horrible situation is that I've also thought about the impact of my behaviour on my husband and family and vowed I will make every attempt to stay gamble free. I watched a video last night on how to stop gambling and one thing that struck home was a guy explaining that I have taught my brain to ignore words such as "no", "won't" etc so in the context of gambling when I say " I won't gamble again" my brain apparently ignores the "won't" and the cycle of gambling starts again. I feel like this is a new form of brain training having to go back to infancy and learning and understanding the meaning of "no" and "won't" etc. I understand that thought processes have to change as I can't achieve my desire to stop and regain a "normal" life with willpower alone. I haven't gambled for 2 day's now, not because the change in me has happened but because all blocks are in place and I've no money to gamble with. I hate the idea of having no money to hand but it's breaking the triangle that will help me get to my peace of mind state. I've read many posts on this site and understand what I needed to have done and what I need to continue to do. I hate gambling and the destruction it has caused to both myself and my family, I hate not being in control of my own mind and on good day's cannot believe the person I once was to who I am now. This addiction has to stop and it is entirely up to me to do it. I wish everybody well in their recoveries and the strength to overcome this viscious addiction. Anneka
Welcome to the forum Anneka16.
Yes you must continue to focus on the damage that gambling has done to you. Keep talking about it and you should take a pride in proving yourself again.
I can promise you that the thoughts die away when your mind heals...why would you gamble again?...your money will be mounting up again and its there for nice things for you and your family.
I cant stress enough how we ignored reality. Gambling develops compulsive gamblers. I am a firm believer that its not entirely my fault it happened. I do take enough of the responsibility but felt drawn in to something I couldnt control. They are simply there to make a profit for people from the misery of others. Its unhealthy for society as a whole.
Discuss your feelings with someone close or a counsellor. See if you can get to the bottom of why you felt you did it. Its firmly linked to stress, depression and people feeling lost in life.
Talk through the exercises. Its a mugs game and if you try and expalin what you did calmly to someone you will begin to fully realise the power of that addiction. Dont be afraid of the term illness. It doesnt mean you are thumbing your lips. The mind can develop split emotions and control the sensible part of you.
Most gamblers were looking for something it couldnt give us. Anything that comes out only reinforces dangerous notions that it will happen again. It doesnt and it causes the misery and new members seeking help here.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
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