Hi everyone. I just felt I had to post here as I'm at a low point right now and feel the need to vent to others who might be able to relate.
I started gambling serious money around six years ago, and in that time it has had an adverse affect on my health. In my early stages, I went on a winning streak, accumulating a healthy profit, and I guess I thought I could keep doing so. That soon came crashing down, and when I saw serious sums of money being lost in single bets it started to mess with my mind. Over the years, I lost my profits and then started eating into my hard-earned savings that I had saved up for years and years. I managed to claw some back through patience and discipline, but I've just had my biggest ever loss and I'm at a seriously low ebb right now.
Over the last few years, I've had to come to terms with the reality of having lost thousands of my hard-earned money to gambling. It hurts to type this, but having clawed back some of what I had lost I felt I was genuinely coming to terms with it, but this loss has put me back a long way and I'm revisiting demons from years ago.
The worst part is the mental torment of it all. Nobody close to me has any idea of the extent of my gambling problem. It's hard to keep it bottled up, but there's no way I could tell my family the extent of my problem. I have the most amazing, kind-hearted, generous parents I could ask for - they mean more to me than anything, and I can't imagine how they would feel if they found out about this, and they never will. I just feel disgusted with myself that I've thrown away so much hard-earned money. I keep wishing this had never happened. I've been tossing and turning in bed, hardly getting any sleep, waking up in cold sweats...this morning I could hardly get out of bed, and having to put on a facade day after day is so tormenting in the wake of a big loss. The worst part is that there's been no legitimate reason for me to start gambling such large money. There will be many out there who have had difficult upbringings and may have resorted to gambling as a result; I couldn't have asked for a better upbringing, and that's why I'm disgusted with myself. Although those close to me don't and won't ever know the extent of my problem, I feel I've let them down.
If you've read this far, thank you for taking the time to do so, and thank you to the admins here for setting up this forum to allow people like myself to post this. I feel I have nowhere to turn except the likes of here and perhaps gambling support groups, and I will now look into my local one. Thanks again.
Hi Cd, Andy here. You really know what you have to do and there are no short cuts, I am not being abrupt but the only solution is to stop, Read my diary, The difference to your life is amazing.....Grit your teeth and do it. The first few weeks are hard, but having food in your fridge and not having to lie is so much better. Do it Mate !
Andy
Hi Andy, thanks for the quick response. As perverse as it sounds, I have come to terms with the fact that I will have a four figure loss to gambling for life. Of course I would much rather have never discovered gambling and still have that money, but it could be worse. The days and sometimes weeks following a heavy loss are the worst, but I'm fed up of going to bed with my mind spinning, tossing and turning etc.
Your post was very powerful and hard-hitting. I can relate to that feeling of winning for the first time and getting this horrible bug. Hope you're keeping well.
Coming to terms with your losses is the only way forward, however difficult it is. Chasing losses is what drives people on and on until they can't take anymore. A lot of people visit here thinking there is a magic button you can press or whatever to make them stop gambling but in the end it is hard work, will power and the desire to really stop that is the only answer.
Hi Cd. Sorry to hear about your recent loss. It sounds as if you're feeling quite a lot of guilt, but anyone of us can fall back into the addiction and lose a figure that is uncomfortable. Like you, I had a very good upbringing and was taught the importance of money. But, a good and stable upbringing doesn't always mean we turn out perfect.
You've had a set back. The important thing is that you now learn from that and move forward. Don't repeat the same mistakes and don't be too hard on yourself.
Thanks Martin. From reading your post your background sounds very similar to mine. Hope you're keeping well. I woke up this morning feeling a little bit better, so one step at a time I guess.
Hi Cd. I can relate to every single aspect of your story. I had a priviliged upbringing and had no reason to gamble on a good wage. I think we have both come to terms with the situation and now know what needs to be done to nip this in the bud. It's hard but we can do it. You can do it mate!
A lot of people visit here thinking there is a magic button you can press
_____________________
It's heartbreaking to see on here the tales of people who have been affected by this horrible addiction. Since my last post, it has felt like one of the longest weeks of my life. There are fleeting moments where I can think positively, but this loss has honestly crushed me and I feel crippled with guilt and shame. Every day I put on a facade when inside my head I'm screaming. I'm extremely fortunate in that I have an amazing, loving, supporting family, but I feel I've let them down. Thanks again for the messages of support and I hope everyone is doing well.
hi cd
as you will know from reading my post i am about as low as im ever going to get with gambling
like you i have had enough , ive had enough of wasting money , enough of making other people rich , enough of having to lie to people about my whereabouts when i go on 5 hour gambling binges
i like the idea of walking into the casino and winning a few hundred to help with my expenses but in reality this never happens
even when i win say £200 in a few mins and a good profit i wont stop becuase i cant
ive wasted 8 years of my life gambling and i wouldnt be at all surprised if it takes me another 8 to get over it but by that point i know that will be me done , i wouldnt even be able to stomach buying a lottery ticket
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
