What do I do ?

Hi DLP

if you help him you are enabling him. This has been going on a very long time. His debt is so bad he can’t get a loan and needs someone else to do it for him. Loan sharks are the last resort.

this is probably far greater than you imagine. He needs to take responsibility and stop gambling. If you give him money it allows him to continue. The only way this ever ends is when a gambler makes the decision to stop.

have you considered finding some help and support? We can’t stop them, we can’t fix them.

i ‘helped’ my husband for a very long time, it was only when I said no that things improved.

this will continue until you detach and stop giving him more money. 

He has had two sessions with gambling anonymous and said it has really helped and hasn’t gambled since he says. 
but this loan shark is still pestering and my son still has access to his wages in his account. So every month he gets paid obviously he’s gonna gamble 

Hi

I'm from the other side of the fence. Please take it that I am very remorseful for what I've done but I'm just giving some information

As merry said, bailing him out is enabling. Do you think your son actually knows a loan shark and owes the money ? It's probably unlikely. If it is a loan shark, although I said not to enable that could be serious for him and your family so I would suggest you ask him to arrange a meeting with your husband.

Are you able to take over his banking ? He needs to give up but only he can do that. He needs to self exclude with Gamstop which incorporates Moses for Bookmakers and Sense for casinos. If it's arcades he needs to self exclude in person.

If he gambles online then installing Gamban on all devices including yours will block all gambling websites. Make sure he doesn't carry much cash and gets receipts. My parents took me to GA 33 years ago. They could have written then what you have now. I gave up in November last year and if I spoke to your son and told him what happened to me then he wouldn't carry on.

Please don't underestimate this mental illness. It has to be taken very seriously. He probably needs counselling which can be arranged through the advisors here. I would suggest talking to them and getting some help. It would also be worth him going to GA but he needs to seek help and give up himself. 

Thank you so much. He actually lives with his wife and baby son we own the house and they pay rent. 
he’s told his wife the truth what’s going on and us now. He said he attended an online meeting and this is what they advised him to do come clean to your loved ones. He said he does feel loads better after 2 online sessions. 
but obviously this loan is hanging over him. Im not sure what online meeting he does. 
I’m gonna speak to him today and suggest counselling from here and letting us control his wages. I think his wife is too nice and would probably let him talk her around. 

I guarantee he will gamble more if yu pay the Loan i used to do the same as yur son.People used to bail me out but it just enabled me to gamble more.Get him to pay his own Loan off. He has to take responsibilty himselfonly when he has suffered enough will he take steps to stop.Hope this helps

Hi DLP, 

I can understand why you want to help him, but it is important for your son to take full responsibility for his actions. 

It's also important to get full transparency on exactly how much debt he is in, what he owes and what his financial situation is for not only you but your family. 

If he has started counselling, that is a step forward, but this is just the beginning, especially after such a long time being in the addiction. 

With the right support, everyone can get the help they need to move forward, but it's important to know the full situation and the reality is addicts lie. He also has to want to stop and sort himself out. Nobody can change or fix him. 

I really hope you all get the help and support you need, and rememeber you aren't alone in this. 

Kind Regards,

Jade 

Hi DLP

Thank you for sharing your experiences of your son’s gambling behaviour and how it is impacting you. I can appreciate the concern and anxiety that you may be living with daily.

In addition to the peer support and advise that others have so generously offered, I would like to focus on you and how his gambling behaviour is leaving you torn between your husband’s response and your desperation to help your son out of his gambling debt.

May I suggest that you seek support for yourself to have a space to process what is happening, what you would like to do about it and what is within your control. Also, it sounds like you would benefit from having support in recognising and then establishing some boundaries around how you are able to support your son that is supportive to him and more manageable for you.

At GamCare we offer 121 sessions with an experienced practitioner to family and friends who are impacted by someone else’s gambling. You and your husband can refer yourself for this support via the 24-Hour National Gambling helpline on 0808 8020 0133 by speaking with a Helpline Advisor who can assist you in making a referral to the appropriate team.

I am sharing the link here which informs you about the other types of support we offer to those affected by someone else’s gambling harms. Are You Affected by Someone Else’s Gambling? You’re Not Alone - GamCare

DLP, I wish you and your family all the best going forward.

Rets

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