Hiya everyone.
Never having gambled in my life before, I started out doing risk-free matched betting, which is safe enough. This then led to me doing some small casino offers, some of which involved wagering requirements. Where it's allowed, wagering on blackjack is the easiest way to clear these requirements. I played a few games, then decided to place a £1 bet of my own money.
It's hard to believe, if you don't know my personality, but I was hooked from a single hand. When I play blackjack, my heart rate shoots up faster than strenuous exercising and I get a rush thats more intense the bigger my stake is.
Within a week of small stakes, I had made about ВЈ600 off of tiny ВЈ50 bets and smaller. It felt like I couldn't lose. Then I decided to play a small ВЈ5 bet which then lost. I then played ВЈ10 to make up for it. Lost. Doubled. Lost. ВЈ100. Lost. ВЈ200. Lost. Soom, I had lost £650 in 2 minutes.
A sane person would have stopped here right? It's only money that I'd won from gambling anyway right? Let it go.
But no.
I moved to another gambling site I had money on. Lost £700 in 3 minutes.
Got my card and deposited ВЈ200. Lost it all. Another ВЈ200. Lost that all too. ВЈ400. Transaction declined due to suspicious activity. I reactivated my account manually and deposited the ВЈ400. Then somehow, through some impossible luck, I made back all the money I had lost and an additional £1500 profit.
That £1600 I had been down at one point was 4 months of rent. I knew deep down that I would have spent every cent I had chasing my losses.
I grew up dirt poor. The kind of poverty that doesn't really exist anymore in first world countries. I think that's why the idea of making what seemed to be easy money appeals to me so much. I had risked more money than I saw in my entire life because of this lure
After that insane scare, I promised never to touch blackjack or gambling ever again. I told my best friend and my girlfriend what had happened, and promised that I had been scared straight
Then over the course of a few weeks, I did a ВЈ10 here, a ВЈ50 there. Before I knew it, I was ВЈ5000 in profit. Insanely good luck, all off of small ВЈ50, ВЈ10, £100 bets. I got into the habit of, whenever I wanted to buy something, I would gamble the amount on blackjack, and usually won back all my money and extra after at most 3 hands so I convinced myself that it was basically free.
Then. One night I decided to do a small ВЈ10 bet. This escalated, and In 20 minutes, I had lost ВЈ4500. My stakes go from ВЈ10 to ВЈ500 incredibly quickly. I felt awful. I had disappointed myself and those who believed in me. I was going to spend some of that money to go home and see my family next summer, treat my girlfriend, maybe not eat instant noodles 3 times a week . I'm studying medicine on a full scholarship at one of the top universities in the world, far away from my home country - so if I ran out of money, I have no safety net. I would have thrown away a promising career over a stupid card game. I decided to risk one last ВЈ500 to try to win back my losses (I'd said "last" about 4 times by that point). By some insane divine luck again, I got blackjack 3 times in 4 hands. I upped to ВЈ1000 stakes. Soon I had made back all my losses and was back in profit again. Total net profit: £6200.
I am afraid. I am afraid of myself. I go from being completely in control of it to spiralling out of control in a few seconds. Right now I feel like I am confident I will never gamble again. But one thing that makes me think otherwise, is that after I had made back my money and was £5700 in profit, I played another hand. For no apparent reason. That makes me wonder if I have really learnt any lesson 🙁
Mate, you need to get help & fast...It doesn’t always play out the way it has & because we cannot win because we cannot stop, this WILL destroy you!
Get your access to money shut down somehow & self exclusions/blocking software in place to break your gambling (Time-Money-Location, remove one & you cannot gamble) triangle, call the helpline & get to GA...Don’t throw your life away like this.
You played another hand because we cannot win as we cannot stop! We’re compulsive & whilst the money feels great, you may not realise it yet, it’s the action we crave. You came from nothing, don’t let addiction take you back there...Get help - ODAAT
Your circumstances may be different to mine but the emotions you talk while you are gambling are like looking in the mirror.
If you are are up at all financially, then just take that as a small piece of luck because if you do not do something about your gambling problem I can almost guarantee you will be back on here next or the week after with a horror story of now being in debt you cannot repay.
You sound like you have a great future ahead of you. Please don't throw it all away.
Take the advice above and get some help. Ideally you need someone who can help you look after your finances and stop you having access to money to gamble but appreciate you may find that difficult if you are away from home. I know you may not believe you will do it but if you get into another one of those situations where you are down again, the desire to chase your losses will kick in again and you'll lose thousands. It is only a matter of time.
Don't delay in doing this. I tried to decide if I had a problem and lost another £1000 that night.
Hi mate
Up, down, left or right is the besides the point in my opinion.
I've had big times more than I care to remember and many when I first started gambling!!
The point is the feelings you are having are that of someone already down the path of a compulsive gambled.....you are just lucky enough to be up and in with a chance of stopping before the misery starts (and believe me and others, it absolutely will start) only when it starts it Will become uncontrollable.
Stop now before you get more wins....with your mindset wins will turn into losses and possible big ones.
It feels euphoric now but in time it gradually gets you and gets a right grip.
You are very lucky to address this problem as someone who is up so I would say quit while you are ahead and but some blocks in place mate.
Clearly you have brains to do this so do it
Good luck
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