Being ignored

hi, sorry to hear that

Are you linked financially in anyway? joint accounts etc? Do you have your own credit reports set up? if not it would be worth doing to check there is nothing in your name.

I'm a CG and have done some very bad things in the midst of my gambling.

Sounds like he may be struggling and burying his head which is very sad to hear, you do need to be a bit selfish as well and check your not at risk financially in anyway.

Don't bail him out either

Once you have checked and confirmed all that then you can think about him again

I'm sorry youve been affected by this and best wishes, i hope there is no impact on you and that you get some answers soon

Hi there, this sounds all to familiar and I am sorry of your hardship with your partner. He clearly feels embaressed and cant face up to what he percieves what he has become. CG gave you some wonderful advice regarding finances as a compulsive gambler loses all good judgement when they are in the mode. I wish you the very best what ever you decide.

Hi GOfCG.

Yes he will have shut down with some very confusing feelings through his mind. He will be both ashamed and not happy its all been found out and come to a head...that will completely confuse him at the moment. I wouldnt take the lack of communication as too personal. Its a strong addiction and form of mind control. Gamblers dont even look after themselves never mind their relationships

He needs help and you can only help him from a position of strength. Im sorry it has come to this as a gambling addiction can and often will destroy relationships

Im afraid you will immediately have to work out how your roof and food is paid for and ensure its separate from his control. No money must be given to him as it could be gambled.

No active gambler can be relied upon so you have some decisions to make. Im not saying he is a bad person but he became addicted to something very dangerous

He can recover if he is ready to stop and do all the right things. You have to look after yourself for now and any finances you have need to be seperated fast. When you are more secure you can inform him that gambling is not acceptable and he needs to seek help

You have lots to do including getting credit reports and ensuring there are no gambling debts you are jointly liable for. Please call gamcare and see if you can talk to your family. You may need counselling over this as its very stressful for you

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Thank you, luckily our finances were separate, I have started the process of requesting credit reports, checking bank accounts etc, I think I am still in shock at the moment. I cannot believe this person I thought was kind, caring and considerate could plot and lie to such an extent. We had made so many exciting future plans but all along he was gambling and going to extreme measures to keep it a secret from me. Not sure if he will get back in touch, all his things are still here, he left with the clothes he stood up in. Such is the shame he is feeling right now. I don't even know if I am capable of doing anything to help him as I am feeling too angry and hurt, I just can't see him in my future right now and am already making plans in my mind that don't envolve him. It isn't ideal as I can't see myself being able to trust another man ever. He was always secretive about money despite the fact we were living together.

I don't know why, but now I have ended the relationship and know logically it was the right decision I feel desperate to have him back in my life. I miss my bf very much. I have tried ask for an 'it's over' talk so I can try to get some closure. He is obviously in his own struggle and I am in mine. When you try to reach out to someone and keep getting no response it is very difficult to deal with. Should I give up trying? Perhaps he feels I will have a better life without him in it or just cannot face talking to me. I have been angry and said some hurtful things through anger and fear. The anger has started to fade and now I am just plain sad. It isn't easy staying with a compulsive gambler and it isn't easy to walk away from one either. If he had told me shortly after we got together he had this issue I would not have entered into the relationship as I have children. I felt cheated out of that decision. I take my hat of to all those who are able to support their partner through this horrible addiction. I just felt if he lost something important to him maybe it will be the catalyst for change.

Hi gf he's running and hiding in denial, can't face what he's done. I think you've done the right thing if he is not facing you. No one would wish this on anyone and many of us probably wish we could leave on many days. An ending of any relationship is devastating. I hope all your finances are secure. Don't punish yourself, just try and move on as best you can. Best to know now rather than when you've lost everything x

Thank you for your supportive comments Merry go round, I have taken some positive action today and started to make huge attempts to divert my energy into taking care of myself - I am not normally one for medication but in this case I think I will make allowances for myself. Losing him is like a sort of grief and I am getting all the symptoms of loss. The separation anxiety feels very painful to me right now. I have an appt with doc next week. I know it will do me no good to keep dwelling on the past. I can only change the here and now. I am going to make changes for the positive now, I have more time on my hands for hobbies and friends. I was neglecting that side of my life. We can only control our own behaviour after all and there are some truly inspirational stories on here of people changing their lives for the better.

Hi GF, good to see this. Look after your self and enjoy your life. You deserve far better x