Hi
Not sure why i am writing but thought i may as well give this forum a go if it can help me to stop.
Realised on sunday that i cannot gamble my way out of the debts that i have built up. It will take me years to get out of the credit card debt.
I've been gambling on and off since 17, started with roulette on FOBTs and in more recent years it has been casino and online roulette.
It is in the back of my mind throughout the day whilst at work and this habit seems to get be in progressively deeper ****, even when i think i've reached rock bottom.
I think i have it under control but either greed or the panic and desperation eventually takes over until its all gone. Dislike living pay cheque to pay cheque and blowing it all when i get paid. I don't spend much on other things and always think hard when making other purchases but when it comes to roulette, money seems to lose its value.
I used to be a socially anxious kind of guy but i seem to enjoy the social aspect of the casino as well and the general evironment etc but all at an expensive cost.
When it comes to online, i seem to lose even more as it can be done privately and the speed at which repeat spins can be made is ridiculous and harmful.
This habit has left me with some unbelievable lows and has definitely dented many hopes, dreams and expectations that i had of life.
I have come to the realisation that i am a gambler and that i can't take anything for granted. At 28, the thought of enduring a future of working just to lose everything and accumulate the same amount in debt is a painful thought.
Most people work to save but i've basically worked and progressively dug deeper in to debt which will take me twice the number of years to sort out. This habit is a time killer and essentially a life killer.
I admire all of those who have the courage to live with this habit, whatever the stage of the habit and your recovery and realise that for the older ones it must be really tough.
When i see what this habit does to people it makes me sad as well. Met someone at casino who said they had noting left and asked me for a tenner so that they he could get to work - gave me the guilty face and puppy eyes when i said i couldn't help and i did feel bad for the guy. Next day i saw the same guy at the table and it made me realise what this habit does to people - guy was happy to take a tenner off me just to feed the habit.
Then realised how i must have come across to others - the trust goes and people can't take us gamblers at face value.
No more to say but just wanted to try posting.
Hi Paintanewlife and welcome,
What you have described will strike a note with many people on here. You seem to have recognised the futility of continuing to gamble your money away. I'd advise you to contact Gamcare to discuss counselling. Strong measures are needed to enable you to quit. You may want to consider placing your finances in the hands of a trusted family member to minimise the availability of gambling "ammunition". Self exclusion should also be considered from casinos and online etc.
It's very much one day at a time.
I've managed to get to 170 days "clean" now and this should encourage you to do the same. There are are a lot of success stories on here if you have a look on other threads (see the 2015 Challenge).
Others may post good advice for you as well.
Take care now.
Hi Paintanewlife
Don't stop posting or reading!
Keep talking keep strong! As a community of people that understand what each other is going through I know personally it is some comfort.
I kick myself everyday over my debts and addiction, there is a way out though. They way out is to keep talking if a gambling addiction was truly something to be ashamed of and 'all our own fault' why is there so many of us crippled by this illness!
Togther we can do this.
You guys will probably think I'm nuts but I emailed the priminsters office yesterday addressed it to David Cameron, politly told him my story and my experiences as a gambling addict and that we need more support. There's hundreds of bookies being opened, online gaming facilities and yes if your in control of gambling and just 'have a flutter' then fine but what about us? Us who are thousands upon thousands in debt! Do we do it on purpose? Do we enjoy this? No were plain and simply hooked it'd be like telling a heroin addict not to take heroin anymore..... wouldn't and couldn't work a heroin addict can't stop taking heroin without methodone...... whats our methodone other than mountains of debt, guilt and shame. I doubt the email will acheive anything but I felt I needed to get a few things off my chest and felt better afterwards!
You take care guy
Sazzy xx
Hi Paintanewlife
Don't stop posting or reading!
Keep talking keep strong! As a community of people that understand what each other is going through I know personally it is some comfort.
I kick myself everyday over my debts and addiction, there is a way out though. They way out is to keep talking if a gambling addiction was truly something to be ashamed of and 'all our own fault' why is there so many of us crippled by this illness!
Togther we can do this.
You guys will probably think I'm nuts but I emailed the priminsters office yesterday addressed it to David Cameron, politly told him my story and my experiences as a gambling addict and that we need more support. There's hundreds of bookies being opened, online gaming facilities and yes if your in control of gambling and just 'have a flutter' then fine but what about us? Us who are thousands upon thousands in debt! Do we do it on purpose? Do we enjoy this? No were plain and simply hooked it'd be like telling a heroin addict not to take heroin anymore..... wouldn't and couldn't work a heroin addict can't stop taking heroin without methodone...... whats our methodone other than mountains of debt, guilt and shame. I doubt the email will acheive anything but I felt I needed to get a few things off my chest and felt better afterwards!
You take care guy
Sazzy xx
Thanks Sazzy...yes hard to deal with and contemplate and after a couple of days gamble free the urges are stronger and the gravity of what i have done feels even greater..good that you wrote to the pm
Hi paintanewlife, welcome to recovery 🙂
Have you thought about contacting Gamcare? I think maybe a bit of counselling would give you some techniques that you would find useful! This addiction is cruel, it preys on us when we are weak & vulnerable, promising us a way out from all the mess it has already created! It's not uncommon for us to forget the pain gambling caused & the reason we sought recovery in the 1st place & that's when the urges kick hard! That is all they are though, thoughts, evil thoughts that you can ride out & choose not to act on! People in the casinos aren't friends, they're just daft people like us trying to make a quick buck. Whilst I wouldn't call myself old, I guess to a 28 year old, I'm one of the older people you talk of & my gambling career spanned your entire lifetime - but I am here, in recovery, living proof that recovery is possible (as my good friend Ade2 pointed out)!
14k is nothing compared to the mess you will be in if you don't stop now...Don't forget what got you to this place! It's the problem, not the solution!
Time to start painting - ODAAT
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