Day 1 of recovery
Not sure where to start but today was the first day i contacted gamestop to block my accounts to stop my addiction as it's taken over my life.
Like most I'm not really sure how/when it it got so bad, for many years on and off i would play bingo games and would never go over a limit i couldn't afford.. but then a year or so ago I hit the slots on online sites and would say i done alright on them for a bit only still playing small amounts,but getting some nice wins, then the wins stopped coming so would feed the site more and more with deposits to try and get the same previous results I'd had.
Over the months it went from bad to worse as now I was putting my whole load of wages on in one day and nothing to show on my bank statements only gambling transactions. My partner was very annoyed but picked up the Bill's and my up keep until I got paid again after me promising everytime I wouldn't do it again.
Now yesterday the same thing happened again I got paid and yet again was skint before the evening was out after feeding the site again.
I've never admitted I had a problem until now as I just used the excuse it was to kill my boredom. I suffer with depression and do take medication for this, but right now I just feel so down,low sad frustrated, ashamed, on how I've let my once fun time passer turn into a full on addiction.
I also hadn't really thought about how it was affecting my family and partner as I was busy getting my fix on slots, until now seeing how much its breaking down and now my partner ready to walk as he cant take it anymore.
I'm at a loose end right now ... but hopefully with help and support and blocks on my accounts I will be able to combat this.
Any help or advice would be very much welcome.
Hi midge83, first very important step admitting that you have a problem with gambling so well done I know how hard it is. I understand when you say you don't know when it got so bad I started 20years ago with bingo got a bit worse when I discovered online sites and then I suppose gradually started to escalate to what became a destructive addiction,lying,cheating,deceit,debt etc but now I'm over 5months gamble free. Signing up to gamstop is a great start, think about giving your partner full control of finances . The last bit is a bit more tricky ,recovering your mental health. Gamcare advisors can advise you and refer for counselling, I did 8sessions was really helpful, now I do weekly GA meetings via zoom at the moment. Help and support from other compulsive gamblers is inspiring, and something that you cannot put a price on. Show your partner that you are serious about recovery you can't undo what's done obviously but you can move forward in recovery. I hope things work out for you
I am currently only on day 4 of not gambling I completely relate to everything you are saying.
Like you I don't know why I do it, when it has a negative impact on my life. Although I am starting to understand it a bit more.
I am still thinking about gambling despite having no wages left in my account. Like you I just put blocks in place and I am seeking help.
You are doing the right thing. This sight demonstrates that we are not alone in this horrible addiction. Take it a day at a time, reading stories on here has help me take my mind off gambling and given me insight to gambling and its impact.
We will get there in time if we really want it. Its good that you have a partner that is helping. Someone told me to atleast put a small savings away every week or month even if its £5, draw a line under your loses and don't let them take anymore they don't deserve your hard earned cash. Be kind to yourself. You have been pulled into a company that uses tactics to take and destroy peoples mental and financial wellbeing like so many other people. Take care.
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