About 2/3 weeks ago i made a half hearted attempt at stopping this mind-f**k. I wrote(on this forum) confidently and from the heart about the realitys of the gambling bug and how it deceives and cajoles my mind into acting in subtle deceptive ways, to beguile me into a sense of euphoria.The I can come back and beat this and get back on track- kind of early days of stopping sentiment.
Well about day 4 in but having put no immediate blocks in place the true colours came pouring out and they didnt paint the best picture. It started with a pint in a pub with a few pals,there was a match on in the back ground and I the prolific sports gambler thought a five pound accumulator may be a test of wether i can go back to the good old times off having a small bet & win or lose be content. The bet came close but just failed by the odd goal. That was that for that specific day.
The following day far from feeling a demonic urge to throw money at anything going I thought another £10 or so at one off my old faithfuls (The junior dutch league ffs!) wouldnt hurt. But unsurprisingly i got carried away and I think i ended up losing about £90 all in all and went to bed feeling very unnerved at what can only be perceived as a complete lack of self control.
THE NADIR
The next day was a weekend so the full force of my habit could be measured. Even though I knew in the back of my mind i was doing nothing more than chasing the previous days losses,I once again managed to convince myself that i had an element of control albeit very small(this a week after losing about £900 in big bets). It began with a couple of trebles on my absolute poison or passion(if in a stupid state of mind) over 2.5 goals. Along with a few small accumulators on the days results. Now having seen these sail fairly close but not close enough I should have stopped and cut my losses after another £40....
THE PROBLEM
This didnt happen off course and I preceded to break my own personal flimsy set off rules in the process. Im a massive liverpool supporter and for whatever reasons.: I imposed a dont bet on my own team policy. For the most part I adhere to this. I also had a policy off never betting big whilst in the company off friends and to a certain extent not betting after a certain amount of alcholol.Fueled on brandy and a growing sense of injustice I splashed a further £100 on the Liverpool game which lost but ironicly only because I got greedy and backed a certain stipulation within the match as opposed to backing them outright which would have won but anyhow.(gamblers remorse is a bit*h!)
THE LAST BET
Now having watched the match with a couple off mates they had literaly watch me disentergrate in front off them.Smashing down brandys which led to the inevitable surge of bravado which then led to another £70 being **** on another treble. After all this i must admit i probably came accross a tragic figure & in a small way had to concede to them I probably had a slight problem.
THE FIGHT BACK
For the first time ever in the struggle I went on the front foot and self excluded myself from the online bookmaker i use- a six month exclusion which lasts until September this year. I Have now not had a bet since that night and to be honest havent struggled amazingly hard, although Ive had to avoid a certain betting fanatic pal (who I feel doesent help because hes in the exceptionaly small minority who seems to turn a profit & a nice one at that,from this mind consuming life altering nonsense!). Ive also given the football a wideberth which in actuality isnt such a bad thing as the amount off football i was watching and betting on was verging on the ridiculous.
DAY 11
Ive been going to the gym and keeping busy but made the mistake off checking my banking on line the other day. Its like im mourning a dead relative for gods sake!! £550 here £240 there £100 here £150 there!! I know its only money, a thought brought home blisteringly clear: when in the real world a friend of mine suffered a stroke and had to have his leg amputated.Betting did act as a shield to an array off problems perhaps in my life. These problems that betting has to be fair- probably now become #1 were masked by gambling but now in the 'moment of clarity' as an alcholic would say are coming back at me.
SURVIVING
Yesterday I contemplated having a bet but didnt. Cheltenhams in full flow and I have the week off work. My demons seem to be having a f*****G party in my head. Drink ,drugs, depression,gambling,arrogance. Combine these with the fact that I have a dear set off mates who quite simply as much as I love them are when it comes down to it a bunch of losers (maybe thats why i love them). The end is only the beggining and the problems ive neglected whilst in my two year gambling bubble seem to be back. All the best to the people trying to sort themselves out. Anythings possible.
IF YOUR GOING THROUGH HELL-KEEP GOING!!
Peace
Hi Heisenberg. Just had a read of your post, great post I must say aswel. I've only just joined the forum but I've got a lot of previous sucsess at stopping gambling, 3 years is my best followed by a few 9/10 month spells. But Yesterday lost 300 quid on the f###in roulette machine stupid of me i no considering i hadnt been in the bookies since june!! When I first stopped gambling I also joined the gym and was going every day iI found it to be a massive help!! Take one day at a time you can do it. By the way are two football teams play on Sunday I'm a red lol.
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