Hello,
Unfortunately, I have been here before. I just did a search for my username, and looked at how I tried to stop gambling many years ago. I have manged the odd few days here and there, but have never managed to stop properly. The time has come for me to now stop all gambling before I lose my family. I have a wonderful wife and son; been married 4 years, and we have a wee boy who is nearly two. My wife in particualr has suffered massively due to my gambling, and I so want to stop and get a better life for her and my wee boy.
Today, it has happened again. Another day of losses and lies. I told C (my wife) that I had direct debits coming out today totalling £155. ( I do have them coming out, but they didnt come out today as expected so the money was 'available'.) She knows when I am lying generally, but today I guess my story was plausable and she gave me the money. Straight into the bookie site it went, and I turned it into £498. At that point, I should have used it to pay the bills and do something nice for C with the rest. But I didn't I have since lost every single penny of it, and I am feeling deeply troubled, ashamed and depressed. I earn a decent enough wage, but I spend many hundreds of it each month on gambling - money that I should be giving to my family. I love my family with all my heart and hate to see C or my son upset; to the extent that with every other single thing in life, I try really hard for them. But with gambling, it seems that I can't try anymore. It just keeps happening month after month after month. Lie after lie after lie. I'm upset right now at the thought of telling C the latest thing I have done; and dread how upset and angry she is going to be. I know that the time is coming that she is just going to take our wee boy and leave me if I don't do anything about this. So I AM going to do something about this, starting now.
I have self excluded from the bookie sites, and tonight am going to phone my bank to ask them to block all gambling related transations that I try to make. The latter is something I have not done before, and will hopefully help a lot. I'm also going to cut up my credit cards, and give all financial control over my cards to my wife.
I am not feeling positive at all right now, possibly because of the worry about telling C about what happened earlier. But I am going to take it one step at a time, and try to do what is right for my family and I. Family needs to come first; that is what I must tell myself from now on. I love them both very much; and I think they know that I do. But I have to get the actions right as well, starting from now.
Thank you for reading.
Al
Hi,
Thanks for posting. You need to sit down with the wife and tell her everything. Put bluntly you've tried and failed to beat the addiction. You are not alone, I can honestly say gambling beat me, I was on a downward spiral that wasn't slowing down. I had to come clean, tell my wife everything before I lost everything, as simple as that. I got myself to GA which has changed my life. It's a great place for support when you're weak and helping others when in a good pace. I honestly think these are the next steps for you also. God only knows how many times a day I gambled so to be nearly 9 months clean something has changed me. I know I'm a better husband and dad and the family home a happier place.
What ever you choose I wish you all the best.
Thanks for the reply Shep. I have a hard road ahead of me but I am determined. I have put roadblocks in plac to stop me getting access to money, and have spoken with my wife. I am also waiting to hear back about getting some counselling for my issues.
Al
Hi Aberdeenlad and welcome....
Your words could have been mine or many of the others on here my friend.
You seem to be putting many of the things in place that are required at the early stages of trying to stop so well done.
You will see a lot (not all I know) of the people who manage to stop for long periods of time on here have gone to some sort of counselling or GA so its good you are looking into that as well.
( months ive been going to see my counsellor now and I still feel like I learn something every time I go.
In the end it comes down to you though....do everything you can to stop yourself from placing that first bet. There is no chance of a second, third etc if you don't get started.
Wish you well.
Damo
Hi Aberdeenlad - great advice from Damo. I'd like to backup the part about GA/Counselling....
GAMCARE counselling has been the real difference this time from the countless times before when I half-heartedly tried to stay gamble free for any length of time. Couldn't get past a month. Now with Gamcare help (counselling/forum/chat) I'm 6 months gamble free and starting to turn things around.
Wishing you the best!
Thanks very much Damo and Tommy. Really apprecaite your words. I have spoken on the phone about getting some counselling sessions, and am going to get this started very soon. (Waiting on the counsellor being available, but should be within two/three weeks).
Yesterday was my first full day without gambling in quite some time, so I feel positve about that. Though the fact that I have no access to cash right now makes me feel like the real test will only come when payday comes. But my wife knows the exact date that I get paid, so I am going to transfer everything to her as soon as the money hits my account. She will be with me atthe time so I know she will keep me honest even if I am having urges to bet, which I'm not really having right now. Though like I say it's not so hard right now when I have no access to money (everything I had I have already given to C, which I a pleased with).
My focus right now is on getting through day 2, which I am feeling good about doing. I also want to shift my mindset to more important things; namely family and my work.
Al
Hi Aberdeenlad.
Im back on and always determined to help others here. You are doing the right thing and I can tell you that its all about the blocks you put in place. As you are doing you must self exclude from everywhere. Take the photos round and phone up if its online. Make it clear to them that you dont want to go there any longer and you are to be self excluded. There is no shame as you are doing the excluding....They would have cleaned you out with no worries.
Make it a time of pride because they were destroying you. I am so focused and clear now. The days on my account are my gamble free days and I dont even have to count them now.
Its also firmly linked to stress and even depression. You have been ignoring the odds as we all did. Way more often than not you will have been losing and its a dangerous mind control where its all going to come right tomorrow......It isnt! Im so glad you have joined this forum because realisng its a problem is more than half the battle.
With support from your family and the right blocks you wont be painfully counting the days. It will take honesty and sit down sessions with the ones you love to keep talking it through. It got to us all and I still cant fully understand how I was sucked in. I have a lot of information as to why but never really thought an addiction would get me. Oh my it did and Im never complacent with blocks in place everywhere which will be renewed on any expiry date and a lifetime exclusion asked for
I mentioned to someone out and about that they had the same problem I did and she got quite angry with me (even after she was telling me woe and horror stories of money fed into machines). Many are in self denial and the grip of a very destructive illness. Its an extremely dangerous addiction in the way it plays with the mind.
I know Aberdeen and Im sure there are plenty of other things to do there and plenty of help. I used to go sailing up the coast from there so plenty of fresh air and get focused on the good things in life.
Best wishes to you
Thank you Joy. Wise, helpful words and much appreciated.
Al
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