Hello everyone... 🙂
Denial. I actually don't think i have a gambling problem but looking at bank statements tells a different story. Proper ruining my families life like most of people in here... i think i actually bet just through boredom and not having any plans. I went into a bookmakers 7 days ago for the first time since March - and before that it was January when i went to a horse racing meeting. My issue is online gambling... i never actually win but i dont think i bet to win, i think i bet for the sake of it.
I got to the point where i excluded myself from everything and then opened up accounts in my GF's name and used her details... so it will reflect bad on her account/life.
I know there was a period in my life where i didn't bet for three years because i was always busy with my day job and my hobbies on the evening... now i literally get paid, spend it all in 2-3 days and then try make it through to pay day on peanuts - literally. Then my gf who has stood by me through lots of different things has to try help us all.
I earn a good salary, i think im hard done by cos i don't have material things in life and thats for one reason - betting.
The only thing i bet on is horses and boxing, lucky for me (if you can call it that) i'm not into sitting in bookies, playing fobs or roulette and poker... but it still doesnt matter because the bottom line is I LOSE ALL MY MONEY - then i come home from work, in a mood, thinking my job is the problem for my mood when really its money.
Unfortunately, all of my friends bet, my family bet and a lot of my conversations with people are about betting/sports and i'm going to have to seriously change that. I actually don't think i have any friends who don't bet.
My little girl is growing up and i don't want her to think of her Dad working hard and her missing out.
So this is day one, i've self excluded from everything in my gf's name, i've asked her to change all details - i never carry cash other than petrol/less than £5 anyway so i can't go into any shops - plus i feel embarrassed being in a betting shop anyway.
If there's one positive, i don't have any substantial debts... i think our family debt is around £2,000 only which i need to sort out.
My gf wants to move house, she has aspirations that i should be supporting her with, my little girl wants and needs a good life... this is day one of no more of betting.
Plan: close bank account, change everything to gf's account, do not have access to online banking, cards and paypal.
Hi mwh022.
Welcome to the forum.
A gambling addiction is based on a mind control and denial from start to finish. We were in denial when we placed the first bet and we soon got addicted.
Unfortunately the bank statements tell the true story so please sit down with your partner and discuss how you need to enter a full recovery and what you plan to do about it. You need to discuss that this addiction is complex and there is no room for half measures. Im deadly serious in that she will need to protect herself by controlling your finances if she is to stay this relationship.
Its a worrying sign that you will open other accounts in different names so you need to face that in a born again moment. Again that will be the addiction talking
Im not saying you are a bad person. Its deadly what this addiction did to us and it is in the same chapter as substance abuse. You may have thought it was a harmless flutter but its gone beyond the point of any control becasue we get addicted to the dopamine of playing. I hesitate to call it a buzz because when addicted its a more confusing feeling than that.
Im glad you dont play machines but different forms of gambling trigger us and just one type of gambling can ruin us.
Please start reading about the addiction and how it works on our fears and worries. Its not actually the answer to wanting more material possessions. We get to a numb stage where material possessions wouldnt have made much difference anyway.
You can put this behind you with the right support and you need to tell people close what is important in your life and take it from there.
So please keep using the forum and the advice here is tried and tested. Recovery is no game. Its about saving any quality of life you have left.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
[quote=Joydivider]
Thank you for the reply, really kind! Kinda shocked me when you said about the relationship part, she's always had my back... she has called me "a gambler" before in a kinda heated way and it was horrible to hear as i never thought i was a gambler and again, but i clearly am... i just find it a very aggressive word... but then, who am i to talk! I've took on board what you have said, i hope and pray i dont get any urges, i haven't today anyway and thats mainly because i've been occupied, i think that's my only way is having plans... if im busy i cant think about anything.
🙂
Thats alright. I try my best to help people here and Im not trying to shock you for the sake of it. Im just trying to spark something to show how serious it is and what a strong form of mind control it is.
Im not saying she wont have your back. Im simply saying she needs to know that this addiction comes out of the blue and is difficult to understand even by the gambler. Im saying she can love you but you both need to understand how to deal with it and the signs you are ready.
Oh its pretty normal to get feelings about gambling but you talk openly about them. Secrets are no good and destructive. Talk about them to a non gambler...what would have happened if you went online again? The odds are that you would have lost again and the compulsive part would not have let go. Talk through a session to a non gambler and you can see how craxy it sounds to them. I had to explain putting £700 of essential money in a slot machine (thousands over the year) to my father and that was beyond tough because it just sounds crazy...Its like telling him Ive seen space aliens landing at the bottom of the garden because it makes no rational sense beyond an illness and addiction.
Im saying that I used my parents for years as the bailout and Im ashamed about that now.
Im also saying that its difficult if you have friends and family who gamble because you cant be hanging around with them in that environment and you will need a strong sense that you are stopping for your own good
Im not trying to panic or scare you. Stop the gambling that was triggering you, let your partner control the finances and take it from there. that would be a good start in my book and try and enjoy life without obsessing about counting days. With strong money blocks and monitoring the days will rack up and your money stays in the family
Its not about you being treated like a baby. One look at those bank statements and you should feel a sense of pride that someone is monitoring you and your credit file so you cant get access to payday loans or credit cards. Its just sensible practice as you mind readjusts
Take the fight on and feel some indignation...its a mugs game...look what it did to your money and you know what the other punters are going through. Its not the life of riley for your friends and you dont need gambling in your life. You see the proof on here what gambling does to people. Read some of the heartbreaking stories especially in the families section and be glad you are seeing the light now.
Best wishes to you
Two paydays completed, no bets since initial opening post, started saving and ive now no access to banks, paypal, online... nothing! We're in this together, keep going people!
Good! Im very glad to see that.
It can be beaten when you mean business in dealing with it. Thats the right step to have taken and I hope you are being monitored and take some pride from doing the right thing. Anyone with those blocks should feel a pride in doing it. It doesnt constrict you....it frees you and frees your mind to think on
No access sounds great to me because believe me thats what it needs. Your mind readjusts as you begin to see clearly how a gambling addiction had been twisting you up. Keep that up because it does take a period of cold turkey when you begin to see that you are feeling better and there is actually money there to pay a bill or have a takeaway. You just realise there is more money about and more leeway in your life.
Its not even about buying things you missed out on. A calmness washes over you and you feel more content with your life
Best wishes to you
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
