hello, my name is mike and im a compulsive gambler

so here is my story.

it's being a while since i dont feel sick like today and that is beacuse i got myself into rehab for 5 months. to treat myself for my compulsive gambling style, after i got out the urge to gamble was still there, but i didnt have any money to place a bet, all my credit cards were confiscated, i had no income, my parents were afraid that if i touch any money i may relapse. so i got myself back to work. i was starting from zero once again. i was given another opportunity, given the fact that i lost about 200k last year and 100k the year before, i had lost everything, my parents were the ones that had to take care for all my debts and i still have a few left. so i got out and started working right away, the first week passed by and everthing was good. until my grandfather handed his debit card to me, to cash out some money from the atm. told me to take out 150 dollars, i stared at the machine for a while and decided to take out 500 total. of course i started to gamble with that money, i needed some adrenaline after 5 months off. so i downloaded the app and placed a bet on some tennis match. lost pretty quickly and decided to take another 500... long story short im down 5k at the moment from chasing my losses. im feeling sick as a dog right now, i just dont wanna go down the same road once again. i was thinking on commiting suicide but decide to get myself into rehab, i dont think its workin, im having the same depression once again. i cant stop gambling.

i started gamling by the age of 17(im 29 now), it all started with the poker boom. i used to watch those texas holdem tourneys on espn and i was hooked, so i opened an online poker account and used my dads credit card to play. after maxed out my dads credit limit it was matter of time until they found out... they found out 4 months after the damage was done, and decided to pay and punished myself for 1 month. after that my life was always involved in gambling from slots machines to roulette to sportsbetting to poker, everything that got my heart pumpin had my attention. years go by and my addiction started to grow more and more. when i opened my first business at 27 i was making 8k a month but my gambling was so bad that i ended 20k in debth each month, so i had to ask for money to keep my addiction alive, i was scamming my dad told him i needed money for the business, he accepted.

he was my bank and he had no idea what was going thru. after 150k and change my dad was expecting that i pay him all of his money invested. at this time i had no money left and 50k in debt from several loan sharks. it was the time that i wanted to kill myself, i lost my car, my gf, my social life, my business, the trust from alot of ppl. all i did was gambling and stayed in my room smoking cigarretes, so i ended up in rehab and now im here, one month has passed by after i got out and im already down 5k. im all worried because all my family is trusting on me and i dont know what to do.

(sorry for my grammar, english its not my first lenguage).

mike.