Father with a son who has a problem

Hi PJC. I'm an addict in my mid 20's so can come at it from your son's point of view.

He must have been completely desperate to steal 1600 from the business. He must have known the consequences when he did it, yet he went ahead and stole it anyway. Maybe he would benefit from having some type of "crisis meeting" with all of the family where everyone can air their thoughts. You, his partner and anyone else can get your thoughts about the whole situation out in the open and maybe he'll understand the strain this is putting on other people as well as himself.

I don't know who he confides in, but if it's yourself, maybe sit him down and have a one to one talk with him. Get it all out on the table; how much debt he's in, has he stolen anything else, what does he see for himself going forward. Let him know that you won't judge and you just want to know the truth.

It sounds like your son is in an increasingly desperate stage of his addiction and needs some intervention, one way or another.

Good luck.

Hi jpc Im sorry to hear about your son as a gambler myself with over 15 years under my belt before I gave in I no the sought of thing he's going through belive me it's hard to understand but when you want money to gamble it's like something takes over you. You no its wrong but there's no stopping that feeling when you have the urge I think you may need to sit him down maybe get him to read a few pages on here especially the suicidal ones they really hit home for me. As for his job don't sack him put him on restricted duties make him earn the Trust you gave him before back. Explain to your partners what's going on and make sure he pays back every last penny with interest. Maybe you could get him a prepaid bank card where you have to transfer money on to it before he can withdraw it that way he will no nothing gets past you or your wife. I hope you and your son all the best on his journey to freedom

Thanks Martin,

I agree this is a desperate situation.

Thanks Thomas very sensible suggestion actually discussed that very option tonight with our partners. He can't face it at the moment and were planning this three way counselling session. Also like the idea of the bank card need to read your note again to get the name, Love the line journey to freedom.

Paul

Hi Paul I'm sure he will go through the remorse faze it will probably last about a week or so only he will no when he hits rock bottom. You sound like you are really good parents. Tell him if he needs to speak with some one who has been in this situation he can always drop me an email. Good luck again and all the best for the future. Thomas

I have really supportive colleagues and have told some of them about my situation with my son. Do I share my problem with others are am I divulging to much information. Or is good to feel to tell all as this may help break the taboo about the issue in society. I'm going to GA family and friends as soon as I can with my wife which is another way to express ourselves I'm just wondering what peoples experinces are with colleagues.

I would probably keep it to a select few you don't want to embarrass him as it's hard enough the few people that do no I'm sure if he wants to tell people he will but a lot of people don't understand why we do it.

hi Paul, do not underestimate the power of gambling addiction! It may seem innocuous but the addiction is as powerful as an extreme addiction to smack or *** or alcohol if the individual is vulnerable to it. There have been countless suicides & prison sentences due to compulsive gambling..

Remove all access to money for your son. and credit. If he hasn't got the money / credit, he cannot gamble & do more damage. The major damage is within him, to his emotions, self-esteem, his mind. Gambling has and will cause him severe mental illness. The money is secondary. It is a serious form of self-harm.

Hi Davey, have you been a gambler as you seem to feel it so much? The thing you state is the self destruction, I can't understand why the lad wants to self destruct. What do you think about stealing, the lad steals when he has run out of money- I know cos I am his mum

Thanks Davey really helpful and I have to say a little frightening. I'll have a look at the information.

hi JTC & PJC, JTC yes I am a compulsive gambler. I'd like to say I am in recovery but I had a bet today. I've been bankrupt & done a debt relief order, due to gambling in the past. So fortunately my credit is shot; I say fortunately because I can only gamble what I actually have (which isn't much these days). To JTC I remember stealing from my mum's purse repeatedly to fuel my addiction to fruit machines when I was young, they were cheaper to play (10p a go) in the 80's. What I'd like to say is that when I stole from my mum it wasn't meant to be hurtful, as a CG you develop blinkered vision where all you can think about is the next bet & getting the money to enable it. It really isn't meant to be an act of violence against your relative. You just want the money for your next fix & don't think about the wider implications. It is exactly like being a class A drug addict. Gambling causes changes in brain chemistry, a crak( spelling changed due to gamcare censoring) - like high to the afflicted, so it is a form of substance abuse, just one that is more subtle as the substance is generated in the brain through the action of gambling, not one that is visibly taken. This has been proven in various studies. The betting corporations & the Gov't knows this, this process is deliberately exploited, for example, through the use & proliferation of FOBT's (roulette machines in the bookies) the betting corps & the gov't know how addictive they are and it is debatable whether the machines are truly random or rigged, yet they are allowed as there is a huge amount of money at stake. In the UK in the 2010's profit conquers all concerns over a human being's welfare. The gov't pimps a 25% cut (recently increased), a bribe to them to allow it to go on.

To PJC not sure where in the UK you are but there is a national problem gambling clinic based in London (yes, just one!). Link : http://www.cnwl.nhs.uk/cnwl-national-problem-gambling-clinic/ . This is CBT initially. Very long wait (I had to wait 8 months for the treatment I've just started, I did a lot of damage in those 8 months), but it's worth applying for help further down the line, to plant a seed as it were.

Hi yes weve been to London and were offered a weekly session, which coming from Oldham near Manchester was virtually impossible.

As we all know and you have endorsed that is easier said than done. The compulsion backed up by socities inability to deal with the gambling issue makes change a massive challenge.

my son is still not dealing with the issue of speaking to us. As a consequence of his actions we took the car away from him which is actually ours anyway.

Question do I phone his girlfriend and tell her whats been happening or do let them sort it out? Not convinced telling her will help, but I need to be honest.

Hi again if he's not dealing with the problem then I'm afraid you have to give him an ultimatum. If he's not talking about it he's probably hiding more than you know. Check his credit file to get the true story it's harsh but it sounds like your trying more than he is. Good luck and all the best