Feeling so low today

Hi shelly to put thing's right you need to stop gambling. If you always do what you have always done you will always get what you have always got. And with gambaling that's very little you will get. Drive home and tell your partner the lot. That's all you can do you can't hide forever. It's better you tell him than him finding out on his own.
If your stressed give the help line a call. Or the samaritans
There's help out there you just need to reach out for it.

Hi Shelley

Hope you got home and are safe. I've been where you are and the only way is to talk to him, it was that advice from this forum that saved me and my marriage even when I didn't want to hear it.

Take care

W xx

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Hello,
I did go home in the end but I now realise I have a long way to go before I will be trusted again.

My partner cannot understand or get his head around why I behave the way I do.I have tried to get him to read some of your posts but he says he is not interested in excuses,I am a grown woman and should be able to control what I do.He does have a point there,and I can fully understand his anger and frustration.

I am not sure how he will react when I lay all of the financial issues I have brought about due to my gambling habit,I am feeling scared to death about that.

I so wish I could turn back the clock,I was so happy four years ago,why did I have to screw it all up?.

Shelley

Hi Shelley,

Whilst you are hurting I advise you to get the financial side out in the open and come clean with your partner. The reaction won't be a good one (I hope and prey no violence) as it will need your honesty and his support. Tell him he needs to be in charge of all finances, this will of course your way of life, but hey isn't that what you want plus the removal of the gambling? You need to stop how you fund your gambling. This is very difficult to do on your own so I hope you get the support you need. If not can you seek help from a close family member?

All the best.

Morning all,

I have been up since 4 unable to sleep,I feel so I'll and tired I don't know what to do.
I can't see a way through the mess I've made,it seems impossible.My partner won't look at or speak to me,I so want to give him a hug and for him to tell me it will all be ok,but I am frightened he will just push me away,I couldn't bear that.
I have only got myself to blamevi know,I made the decision to start gambling.
The feelings of dread are overwhelming at times and I can hardly breath.I don't feel I can fix this,too much damage has been done.I don't want to be here anymore but I don't want to go,it's like living in limbo.I could not hate myself more than I do at this time,I just want it all to go far far away.

S x

Life will get better, but some changes are needed, new habits, new ways of thinking. Start by calling the helpline. They'll understand. Focus on you and let your OH focus on himself, he's having a bad time of it and he can't be expected to take on your burden.

The standard formula is blocks plus support. Download blocking software, use parental blockers, downgrade your handset, call StepChange or equivalent, ditch your card. Look on the GA website and go to a meeting. Taking action should help you, however mind boggling or inconvenient the suggestions are, these are the things that you need to be doing to change things for you. And as Shep says, take action whilst it hurts. Memories dim v quickly.

Wish you well,

CW

Hi,

The night I told my wife I cried real tears, she could see I was broken. I told her I needed help. She helped me and made me know I had her support. It wasn't all plain sailing from that day but its taken me 7months gamble free.

I hope you can do the same. X

Welcome to the Gamcare Forums Shelley,

You have taken apositive step by accessing the support of others through the forums, and talking openly about your recent gambling experiences and the difficulties this has had on your relationship, emotions and finances.

You have received some positive support on the forums and would encourage you to continue posting, and getting support form other, you might eventually choose to start a Recovery Diary forum where you can continue to track your recovery and the progress you will make.

You mentioned finding it difficult and some of the ofrum members have reminded you that you can always call the Helpline 0808 8020 133 where an advisor is there to listen, support and provide information on the services you can access for further support and helping you with taking steps towards changing the problem gambling.

Take Care

Forum Admin

Hello all,
I have hurt my eldest son so much I don't think I can ever make it better,
He helped me out of a massive mess when he found out about my gambling problem and used his savings to do it and I promised I would make things right,well I failed massively and have just told him about the extent of my problem,and he thinks I am disgusting,can't say I blame him.
I feel like I am losing everything and I honestly don't know what to do,I am disgusted by my behaviour too.
I am so scared right now,I have never been so scared in my life.A parent is supposed to be a good role model for their children,I have failed mine massively.
I feel so sick,have been for the past two weeks,I hope to God things will take a turn for the better soon.

It's a low point at the moment but if you can follow the advice you've been given, in time you can turn things round (not overnight). Which is an example to your kids.

Call the helpline if you haven't already.

CW

Thank you CW,I think the helpline will have to be my next step,I feel close to breaking point now,I am just getting a stream of angry txts from my son telling me what a compulsive liar I am,and I know that's what I have become to cover my tracks,I feel so desperately ashamed I can't deal with it.

From reading your posts it is obvious that you are suffering.
You have made the right decision by coming onto this website.
Let this be the start of your recovery.
Do as CW advised. Ring the helpline, they'll guide you and if they're not open and you feel despair ring the samaritans. That's what I did. I found it helped just having someone to talk to.
I'm not qualified to comment on how your son is feeling but he must love you very much to have lent you the money in the first place. Do not lose sight of this.
With the help of this website you are not on your own.
Your life can improve. Well done for taking the first steps by coming on here.
Sending you a bucket full of strength. You deserve a better life. You can have one. You can still make your family proud.

Sooo,here I am Sat outside the doctors trying to get an urgent appointment,in my uniform,my partner thinks I have gone to work,that doesn't fell like the right thing to do right now,I couldn't function.
I have been awake all night and I am feeling really ill again today.I can't think possitively like this.

I have cold sores on my lips,ulcers in my mouth,and I still can't bring myself to eat anything,has anyone else got this low or is it because I am weak?.

Sorry to be such a misery,but it does help a little to write down how I am feeling,I don't think anyone else would understand if I told them.

S x