Hi my name is Louise, I'm 33, I just signed up today because I'm finally admitting I have a gambling problem, I've gambled for as long as I can remember really, started just with the odd lotto ticket/scratch card then I joined online bingo, gambling was never really a problem and more a fun way of passing time every now & then, it was exciting but back then I could always walk away & accept my small losses, then I'd say probably 2years ago I started looking to win big, suppose now looking back it's because I was unhappy and looking for something life changing and thought if I won big all my problems would be solved! (I know right, how ironic!) anyway it started with playing the odd pound on a well known bingo site, I won the link having only spent £1 and won over £1300, this is what I think was the turning point in my addiction, I went onto slots, and now I think I've joined nearly every site possible, I can thankfully say I haven't got myself into debt through gambling but I just can't stop, I wake up wanting to gamble, I try self excluding but just sign up to another site, it has become my daily escape and I feel so miserable all the time, I'm miserable if I can't gamble and I'm miserable when I do & then loose, it's like a vicious circle, sorry I know I am rambling, but I just need to get it out there, I haven't really spoke to anyone about this, my partner knows a little about this, as it's hard to hide when he sees me playing on my phone all the time, what he is unaware of is the amount I spend, he thinks it's just the odd £10 here & there and moans about that, I feel so guilty and hopeless, I think about all the nice things I could be spending the extra money I waste on, but it's not even about the money, it's about the empty feeling I have if I don't gamble, I don't know how to rid myself of it, I just wish I could go back to the happy person I was before all this started instead of being moody, grumpy and depressed all the time, my whole personality has changed and I've become a terrible partner and mother as my life has been over taken by my compulsion to gamble & escape! Today after spending most of my fortnightly wage I have self excluded from all the sites I currently had access to, (some I'm on a time out so will have to wait to get access) it's time to stop, so tomorrow (today actually as it's now past midnight) I will not gamble. I need to do this now before I loose everything that is important to me. Does anyone have any advise? I'm curious if everyone else fears the empty depressed feeling you get if you do not gamble? I become agitated with anyone and everything, sorry for rambling, you can tell it's my very first time saying this out loud so to speak. Hopefully the first step to getting my life back, fingers crossed. Thanks for listening.
Hi
Mr L is the recovering gambler in the house so I don't have any insight to offer on feelings around it but I have been on the other end of the mood swings and anger and it's tough. You're starting from an advantage in that your partner already knows you gamble even if he doesn't know the extent yet.
My advice would be to come clean and ask for his help. Install blockers on every device you use to gamble and get him to set the passwords then hand over the handling of your finances to him. Once you've blocked your access to cash and gambling look into counselling (Gamcare offer free sessions) and GA meetings as you will need to identify and address the root cause of the compulsion.
You may not have debt as yet but there's a very good chance that will change in time and maybe quicker than you think. Get to grips with this now and you have every chance of the normal, happy life you want.
All the best
Thankyou for your reply, sorry to hear you have been on the receiving end of this addiction, it can't be easy, I sometimes wonder why my partner hasn't walked away already it's bound to be like living with jeckyl and hyde! I spoke today with my partner and admitted to him the amount of time I am spending on gambling and that I have a problem, we share access to each other's accounts although up until now he has never checked my own spending from my personal account (he is the main provider) i work part time around his job and our two kids so have really been wasting my own wages constantly on gambling, finding myself waiting for my next pay so I can get my fix etc, I don't want to get to the point when I'm financially ruined and in debts through gambling as I feel terrible enough now just wasting that could be used to save or for nice family treats etc... I guess that's why I'm on here now as I know the longer I carry on I will end up down that road. My partner was understanding and we have agreed for him to take over finances (up until now I always dealt with our finances) I will be having my wages paid into his account so he can keep track of my spending, he is changing passwords on PayPal etc too, I feel a lot better now he knows how I've been feeling & the extent of my addiction, today has been a good day and a weight has been lifted. I have read on here about the blocking software so Thankyou for the suggestion, I'm not sure which one is best to use as pretty clueless to these things so if anyone has any suggestions that would be great? I only ever use my mobile phone to gamble so it would be blocking software compatible with iOS. Thanks again for your advise,much appreciated 🙂
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