Hey all,
Today is the first day I've decided to stop gambling and actually look for help.
I have taken money from my mum's bank account as a means to gamble for the past three years and she didn't know because she trusted me to look after all her bills, direct debits and online banking. I have left her completely broke and in debt!
I knew when I was doing it that it was wrong and I needed to stop but every time I transferred money I thought 'this will be the last time, I'm going to win and pay it all back'...but that never happened. I owe her THOUSANDS at this stage!
I have told my boyfriend about it and he has tried to help but nothing he says ever helps and even bringing up the subject would cause an argument. I have on many occassions told him that I had stopped, but would only stop for a week or month and then go back to it and not tell him.
My biggest fear was telling my mum where all her money was gone. I have been making up lies for things that came out of her bank account and every time I lied to her I felt guilty and ashamed...which made me want to gamble more so I could pay her back. I kept thinking 'this is not me'. I would never steal anything from anybody but when I got the urge to gamble, all of that went out the window. I was in 'gambling mode' and I wasn't getting out of it until I won big or lost big...morals, values and conscience didn't make any difference, I was doing this no matter what!
My mum asked me today to check her bank account because she doesn't understand how she has no money left, she didn't understand how it could all have just disappeared. I didn't give myself time to think about it (as every time I do that, end up talking myself out of it), I just told her...and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life!
She took it far better than I had ever expected and instead of going mad and asking me 101 questions about HER money that I had used to gamble, she told me that she is upset and angry but the main thing is that I get help and make sure I stop now! I know that it hasn't properly sunk in with her yet and the 101 questions will come at some stage, but for the moment, I'm just glad that she has realised that this is an addiction and I need help.
I know I need to take it one step at a time but I think that's the most terrifying part. At this stage it just seems like such a long road to 'recovery' and I don't know how I'm going to get there. I know I am strong enough to beat this and I am determined that I will. I'm hopeful that now that I've gotten the hardest part out of the way - facing the fact I've got a problem and finally telling the truth - it can only get earier from here.
Welcome bawnee86,
Your mother has given you an opportunity to make amends. Don't spurn it. As you've found out people get into a mess of trouble chasing losses. Me included. Your not alone.
Put both your own and your mother's finances in the hands of another relative. If your mother's debts are overwhelming you need to contact The National Debtline for advice in order to get payment arrangements in place with creditors. You may need to make payments back to your mother's bank account (if you can) to replace the missing money. You will need to discuss that with her at some point. If you offer to pay something back at least it shows goodwill on your part. Only you know if anything like this can be done.
Contact Gamcare for free counselling and or go to a local GA meeting.
Self exclude from High Street bookmakers if you have used them. Use K9 (free) to block gambling sites and get someone else to set the password and keep it secret from you.
Put as many barriers in place to prevent future gambling on your part.
Prove to your mother that you can beat this addiction. Then you may regain some of her trust. I know it must be a difficult time but the guilt and shame feelings will fade over time.
It's very much one day at a time. Plenty of people beat this addiction. Believe me you can too. You'll need to be fully committed but it is possible.
These are just my immediate thoughts. Other people may have suggestions for you too
Take Care Now.
I hope people read your post because it really hits home.
I had a similar issue where I was trying constantly to get my money back and through the use of credit cards I lost 17k in a day! I kept depositing amounts and making ridiculous bets trying to win but just lost again and again.
My point is that when I was at 4 or 5 thousand I was so afraid to tell my wife and I thought I could win it back.
In reality, I wish I had told her much earlier because I eventually told her I'd lost 17k. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do but she has been there for me and would have been if it were 5k or 25k.
Families are very supportive and from what I've read will always help if you are honest. To anyone reading this, it doesn't matter how much you may have already spent, stop spending more and tell your loved ones.
The weight off of your shoulders is such a relief and the road to recovery begins!
Sending warm wishes
Freshman247
Thanks so much for the advice guys, I was in an awful place at the weekend! I'm on day 4 now and finding it really tough but getting there.
You are both right, the weight off my shoulders is unbelievable. Not telling my mum was the biggest barrier to me quitting because I knew once I told her that I would have no choice but to stop. I don't feel like as much of a prisoner to this addiction anymore because all of my energy and thoughts were focussed on her not finding out and trying to cover my tracks. Although I still feel awful and cannot describe the guilt (that I am sure will never go away), I still feel relieved that she knows now.
I have self excluded and installed netnanny which really helped me today so thanks again for your advice, I really appreciate it!
Best Wishes,
Bawnee86
Well done on telling your mum, that must have been really really tough.
As MrStop says,you now have a chance to repair the damage done, so don't blow it.
Nearly every gambler will have told lies to family and friends and many have involved others as well, so you are not alone.
It's difficult to beat an addiction, but next time you feel like a gamble, remember what a wonderful mother, you have for being so supportive despite what you have done.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
