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@curtis123

What did you expect? She's just found out that you've been keeping a secret that potentially affects her financially as well as lying to her. It's going to take some time for that to sink in.

Don't get me wrong, I 100% think you have done the right thing. A little saying I heard years ago is it's your responsibility to tell her. It's not your responsibility how she reacts to the news.

By telling her you've relieved yourself of a big burden but now she has to come to terms with it. That may be by leaving you, worse case, but being angry, silent, unforgiving and more are all normal. Imagine how you would feel if you got told some revelation that could change your life and how you viewed your wife?

By experience though I can say that once that anger part is done with then comes the questions and hopefully the moving forward with support and trust building.

Give her space and time. Now start looking after yourself.

Chris.

Hi curtis. Yes my husband didn't speak to me for a week other that telling me to **** off. Now 8 weeks later we are getting there. For me the biggie is no more lying no more secrets no more deceit it's like a huge ton weight off me. I didn't like living like that totally against my belief systems, but I am always conscious that I will always be a compulsive gambler and to stay gamble free I will always have to be aware, keep the blocks, attend GA. Ask your wife if she'd like to speak to someone Gamcare support and advise partners, family of gamblers. She could also post on here she will get replies from both sides and plus she could put into words how she feels. Ultimately it might be time and space she needs, my husband can be very judgemental and opinionated but hats off to him he has got his head around it and is working with me. I hope things work out for you. Best wishes

Hi Mate 

i had been gambling for 5 years, after gambling my whole wages on monday and having suicidal thoughts i ran home as something clicked inside of me and i was not going to let it win. i ripped it off like a band aid my wife who is 7 months pregnant had no idea to expect it but i couldnt deal with the stress or anxiety again for another month. she was angry - kicked me out immediatley without even listening to what i had to say but that was understandable. i was prepared to accept the consequences of being honest rather than the stress which could have killed me. 

since monday we have spoken a few times and all i can say is give it time and let her feel some space and allow her time to want to understand. me and wife are in a better place and she fully understands now why and how it happened and how it is not you doing it it is something or someone else inside of you doing it. i have had my first counselling session with gamcare this morning which is great and i am doing anything i can to show i want it to stop and want to fix it and will do anything to prove to my wife that i will do that. deep down she knows but actions speak louder than words. 

i have handed over all financial control to my sister to whom i was honest with also along with the people i had been borrowing money from. this is not a joke you need to really take a strong grip of this and do what you can to show her you can do this but you also have to want to do it. i feel 1 million times better just getting it out in the open to everyone - not for sympathy but for my own mental state and piece of mind. chose yourself and you will see gambling has no benefit to your life in any kind of way. call the gamcare number and be completely honest from start to finish i promise you it will help. 

good luck and i hope you can find some support somewhere. i am only 4 days in and feel better considering i have no family or wife currently but i am positive it will come. good luck mate 

Posted by: Curtis123

hi everyone,

 

so yesterday I told my wife that I have a gambling addiction and although it was such a relief to finally tell her that I have been struggling for years, it did not go well at all.

she can’t even bare to look at me, won’t talk to me, nothing.

i now feel completely alone and don’t know what to do.

has anyone else experienced this?

Hi @curtis123 well done for being open and honest with your partner! It’s a massive step to actually come clean and let it out! 
From reading the post, it’s seems as if your partner is panicking and just scared! Give her a bit of time to digest what you’ve told her and work it out in her own head! She will (in time) appreciate that you had the courage to tell her and you’re willing to change! That’s the hardest bit done! Now you have to show her you want to gain trust back and keep proving to her that it’s not something that you want to do! It will take time, it’s a huge thing to tell somebody! My husband and I had some really up and down times for the first 4/5 weeks but we are in a good place at the moment! I know I cannot gamble ever again, he would leave me and I don’t want that!

Give her some time to process what you’ve said and keep trying to talk to her and I’m sure she’ll come round!

jade x

Thanks for you comment buddy.

Im in a very similar position, my wife is 8months pregnant, which potentially has made it a lot harder for her to hear. I have taken all the steps to self ban and waiting for a counselling session also. 
I have offered for her to take over all financial control but she simply does not want to have to deal with it. I’m sure she will come around to the idea.

I completely understand why she has reacted like this, I guess I hoped she would understand but who was I kidding. I hope we can fix it and go back to normal as we had an amazing relationship prior to this news, but time will tell if it is repairable. Really appreciate the comments thou.