Help new on here

Hey you,

Just posted to you on another thread...This is not love but I hear your story. My mother is a compulsive gambler, I only really felt like I loved my Aunt (great Aunt actually) when I was growing up & she used to take me to the fruit machine shops (I guess there wasn't an age limit them, or if there was it was never enforced) after school (about 3 decades ago). I used to cry when she left us, possibly because if my mother was home she was asleep on the sofa, & if she wasn't, 'Dad' (her alcoholic partner & my sisters father who I never liked, turns out he was a s*x pest, well what do you know) was. Aunty left to go to Bingo so the second I was able to, I went too. As did Mum occasionally but mostly she just played the machines, it's the only time I've ever seen her happy. She smiled when I gambled with her, handing her money because she had run out. Years later, here I am, Aunty long gone, Mum still a compulsive gambler & me finally in recovery.

Does she love me? Yes. Does she know how to show it? No. Does she love gambling more? It feels like it but, unlikely. Will we ever have a normal relationship? Unlikely. Did this make me gamble? Maybe but what's done is done, I can only control my gambling & for me now, I choose no! It's not easy & I live with the urges & the regrets of what my life became every day but whatever the reasons we had for gambling, we much let them go & look to the reasons to recover. If I can do this, anyone can, you are here looking for help & you will find it - ODAAT

Thank you for that, it makes sense. Nearly two days now and I feel this is helping talking here. I can't tell my partner, he would leave. I'm struggling tonight though as my ex, the kids dad has yet again gave me grief and It hurts. He knows how to hurt me and what do I want to do. Find some comfort and that's gambling. How long does it take to ease. You have done well and I understand your story.

Thanks louis123

I think this is called escape gambling as you want to run to it to hide from your sadness? Ultimately, you just come out the other side feeling worse with new problems compounding your already battered feelings! I am just a gambler - rich, poor, happy, sad, always was a reason why I was doing it of course but looking back now, I can't justify any of them & ultimately, I can't ever remember it making me happy! Gambling may let you lose yourself for a while but it doesn't make the existing problems go away! Partners who have been close to us have an uncanny way of pressing our buttons & you must find a coping mechanism that doesn't involve self destruction because that is not fair on you.

I know you don't want to tell your partner but have you tried speaking to an advisor on here...They are in a much better position to give you some real help.

2 days may not sound much out loud but I remember how hard that was & I had support from my partner so I know how amazing that is & I applaud you. 2 days will quickly add up if you just keep @ it & although I can't say when it will ease for you, I can assure you, it will be worth it! Look after you & you can do this - ODAAT

Hey there Odaat

i gambled yesterday, my ex was so horrible and what did I do gamble money I don't have. Today is new day and I'm going ask for help on here and tell my mum more. But it extremely hard and thinking how to find other ways to help. I can beat this addiction, I'm better than this. Thank you for your positive thoughts it nice to know others understand what we are dealing with. I know he will find out but he will leave me as it's his hard working money. Today I will not gamble.

Thank you again

lorna x

Hi Lorna,welcome,I tried many times to stop before finally realising that I needed help,self exclusion was the only answer for me as I have little willpower once the initial horror of a big loss subsides.There is no shame in getting help from whatever source is available,focus on being gamble free for 2015, good luck and stay positive!xx

Hey, don't be too hard on you! This is early days & it's incredibly hard going!

Have you tried a blocking software? People on here swear by it! If you can get some good road blocks up to prevent you whizzing along the trail of destruction, should your partner find out, he may realise that it is an illness you are doing everything in your power to control.

The yesterdays are gone (forget about them unless they hold important memories) & the tomorrows will take care of themselves! Just for today - do not gamble - ODAAT