So, here goes (hope you stay with me!)
I am and always have been a fairly lucky soul in life outside of gambling. Loving parents still together and alive, great siblings and now a wonderful loving girlfriend of 2 years who I live with in a lovely home with her son. I have a great job and became self employed a couple of years ago (and with it came more financial freedom, issue!)
This isn't a brag (if my life was "perfect" I wouldn't be typing this :(), this is just to highlight my confusion over what, when I really think about it, has been a dangerous vulnerability since I discovered it maybe 15 years ago although it appears sporadically. I hugely fear it's now putting me in great risk in throwing everything away.
I can gamble with the best of them, I'm actually really good (ironic), often turning hundreds into thousands on roulette and football. Sadly, I seem to have a self destructive desire to lose and throw it all back in with interest. I've I'd taken and kept what I'd won I'd be very well off, so I'm not "really good" at all. Instead I've had to put myself on a budget when I should be enjoying my money (I do maintain good credit and all payments) but I need to budget myself to ensure I can pay my taxes (which I do) but I should be much more comfortable than I am.
I think I've hit the limit now and don't see myself having room to breathe for life's surprises and I've felt like this before (last year) over come it but here I am again.
It's upsetting and reassuring to hear all your stories and I wish everyone recovery.
I am here to do this anonymously - I explore people who reach out to family and friends and may do if this attempt does see me progress, but for now I wanted to say hello, take any tips you can give me as I lay on my couch contemplating how in 24 hours I've slipped beyond where I thought I could, I thought I'd nailed it. I have not. I'm completely gutted.
I've set my counter. Tomorrow it will say 1!
Thanks for listening, feel better just writing this! I want to beat this and I also really want to explore what's causing it, because as I'm sure you'll agree, it's torturous.
Any comments or hello's welcome.
Hi and welcome,
Gambling addiction sure can take you to some low places , I can definitely relate to winning and putting it all back . For me it was the most addictive part , the only time I felt normal was when I'd run out of funds , I could then go back to being just me. Although I wouldn't recommend going it alone I appreciate that maybe you're just not ready to tell anyone? Most think it's embarrassing to show weakness.
From reading around I don't believe you can overcome gambling addiction, what I mean by that is obviously you can stop but it'll always be there waiting for the opportunity to rise again. That doesn't mean it has to be a constant battle. Filling the void is necessary. I try to devote my time I'd gamble to this site or various hobbies.
Where is it you gambled? Online , shops ?
The hard work starts here but it's definitely worth the effort
Welcome aboard
Deano
Thanks Deano!
Yeah I completely understand what you're saying, and it's tough either way in terms of telling them, for now I'm going to see how I go alone - wish I'd joined this site earlier it's very comforting.
You are right, I'll always have it inside of me, now I really think about it I always have and I've stopped through necessity but started up again a lot of times. This time I want an approach that acknowledges the problem and addresses it.
It's online, on my phone. Self exclusion is fine but as people on here rightly say, there's always another site to register on - I need to try some effective software for those vulnerable moments whilst I find a more stable place than I'm in now.
I woke up this morning gut wrenched about how much I'd lost on Saturday and overall, but that feeling isn't going to help me as it's the feeling that always drives me to do it again and chance that big win.
Whatever the consequences of blowing so much money are I'll have to deal with but I need to draw the line under it and truly move on. Trying to fix this my having the same mindset that caused it is a one way ticket.
Happy Monday and thanks for the reply!
Welcome dib
Quote from your story...
"I'm actually really good at it "
I think all us gamblers have thought like that once or twice...it's just down to the luck of a spin though isn't it...none of us can beat a machine set to always eventually win from the punter...so I suppose it's down to how long we can fiancially and emotionally keep trying... you've arrived here so obviously your ready to face up to your problem...which left unchecked could one day and in...buckets of debt...unpaid bills and a shot credit rating...that's without the possible carnage of trashed relationships with those you love...soooo get some barriers in place to stop you running to the slots....maybe give the helpline a call...there great for advice and support...'re diaries on here and post as often as you like...we're a good old bunch of people who have walked the same walk as you ....good luck
Hey Loxxie, You're absolutely right I was being ironic - I am terrible at it, hence me being here 🙂 I've most certainly reached the point now that I have to intervene before the choice of change could be taken out of my hands and that's not even the driver tbh - I'm desperate to get well and in control and eventually replace the current habit. I'm still building the boundaries, anyone with a good sense of the tech available to help me on my iPhone would be great. I feel better now I'm here and this is my place of solace if and when I feel weak!
Hi Vdib, welcome to the forum 🙂
I have a sneaky suspicion that NetNanny is one that works with iPhone but the helpline will be able to confirm.
As you say, you must draw a line under your losses & the blocks only buy you time so keep working on finding other hobbies & changing that mindset. As you have experienced, this is a progressive disease that left unchecked will take more than your money. I know you say you want to go it alone but would you maybe consider some of the counselling that GamCare provide? All the barriers in the world won't stop you dangling over the precipice but you can get back to safety, just not sure our battered brains are the thing to 'save us'.
Time to stop risking that which you hold dear - ODAAT
iPhones actually have a relatively unknown blocking software built in to them to start go to settings: general,set restrictions to on , scroll down to websites then tick all adult. You can actually add a few sites to the allow list beforehand and just make sure someone other than yourself punches the password in . Hope that helps
Deano
Cheers Guys!
I will post once a week with progress updates 🙂
Hi Guys
Sorry to say this but I relapsed last night 🙁 £80 on roulette, won £450 and took it but feel like an idiot because I'm totally playing with fire.
It's completely when I've had a fair bit to drink and self exclusion is doing its work but there's always another site.
I'm back and focused to start the clock again, I will beat this and I'm gutted to start again because I was going to post and ask how tough the first week was for everyone else! It's truly the longest I've been for some time without even a £5 bet on the footy and the guilt was pouring out of me - is it normal to feel so stressed when you stop?
Winning even feels bad and I immediately wanted to post on here.
If I relapse again I'll be handing over control of my finances.
Sorry all 🙁
Massive relapse. You were right, I've come clean to my wonderful girlfriend who will now be taking control of my accounts. God bless all, what an awful condition.
I hear u man. When I have the hump, had a drink or am ironically winning, I tend to bet more. Losing £900 in 3 days really affected my health tho and am now determined to stop. Last bet was Sat afternoon. I will go back to the odd £5 acci the weekend, but that is it - I hope.
I just wonder if we can even have an acca?! I'm cool with footy bets, its online gaming that kills me, but I don't think they're mutually exclusive 🙁
I think they are. I was happy doing £5 accas for years and hated losing more than £10. The huge issue is the constant access to gambling that mobiles provide. I stopped for about 2 weeks a while ago and then got a no lose bet offer. I was straight back in. I intend never betting online again and take my couple of quid down the bookies and walk out again
Exactly same, used to be sick at a £10 loss! Need that attitude back!
Exactlt mate. I have excluded myself from both my main accounts for a year. Just need to stay away from pub slot machines now and I will be okay
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