I have finally accepted it.
I cannot gamble responsibly. I am a 30 year old female and I have known i have had a problem for a good few months now but hadn't fully accepted it, i always held on to that small bit of hope that i could win big and my problems would be solved and that did happen, in November i deposited 20 pounds off my wages on payday into my online account and was shocked to win 3,500 pounds, but by the next day i had lost it all plus lost most of my wages trying to win it all back and that for me was when i had just had enough and started to realise how bad my problem was, i was so upset with myself and angry and that was when i knew i had to do something about it as this has been a few occasions where this has happened i get caught up on the win and go from an extreme high to the lowest point in a matter of hours.
My Gambling problem is purely 100% online, i walk by betting shops every day , several times a day and i have never had the urge to go inside and place a bet, i have even been in casinos at the end of a drunken night out and still have never placed a bet. There is something about gambling online that can get you lost in reality, so today in having just blown my payslip yet again after just 1 day of receiving it i have had enough, i am sick of feeling sick all f the time, i am fed up of being depressed about money and debt and just life in general, just so fed up with it all, i have hidden myself away and stopped enjoying myself, my life has just been a consistent ball of stress for the past year maybe two as this was when i think it began to worsen.
Today i have just registered with GAMSTOP so i now have no choice not to gamble as i physically can't and i can hopefully now enjoy my life again and find ways of getting over this because it isn't fun. My family know i like to gamble online, i don't think they fully realise how bad it is because before i will ask for money i will struggle by on barley anything, skipping meals for as long as possible until i think i am able to ask for money without them questioning me on where my money went. I am not an open person and i will bottle everything up inside instead of speaking to anyone but writing this all done and admitting it out loud has taken a huge weight off of my shoulders.
I know i have rambled on but thanks for reading.
Hi Kirsty, you sound exactly like me! I think you should be really pleased you've spotted it so quickly and have taken decisive action. You are definitely in the right place. The anxiety and sickness just becomes part of your everyday being and it’s awful! Please keep in touch on here - we can do this!
Hi kirsty
Reading what you have written is like reading about myself I’ve had a problem for 9 years now I’m a 37 year old mum of 2. Gambling has ruled my life and made me a shell of the person I was I’ve lost friends, thousands upon thousands of pounds, my self respect, my loved ones trust, my children’s childhoods, my credit rating but I’m on day 12 after registering with gamstop and I’m feeling a little depressed at moment and lost without the gambling I’m ashamed to say but it’s consumed me for so long it’s literally everything I thought of. You have done the right thing registering with GameStop I wish I did it sooner. I feel free finally and can start being a proper mum, friend, sister and daughter. Gambling has nearly killed me over the years and turned me into someone I hate when I look in the mirror. Don’t end up like me , get your life back never gamble again and come in here and read every night before bed that’s what I do and it really helps. Good luck hun xx
aimee08 wrote:
Hi kirsty
Reading what you have written is like reading about myself I’ve had a problem for 9 years now I’m a 37 year old mum of 2. Gambling has ruled my life and made me a shell of the person I was I’ve lost friends, thousands upon thousands of pounds, my self respect, my loved ones trust, my children’s childhoods, my credit rating but I’m on day 12 after registering with gamstop and I’m feeling a little depressed at moment and lost without the gambling I’m ashamed to say but it’s consumed me for so long it’s literally everything I thought of. You have done the right thing registering with GameStop I wish I did it sooner. I feel free finally and can start being a proper mum, friend, sister and daughter. Gambling has nearly killed me over the years and turned me into someone I hate when I look in the mirror. Don’t end up like me , get your life back never gamble again and come in here and read every night before bed that’s what I do and it really helps. Good luck hun xx
Hi Aimee,
Thank you and well done for registering with gamstop too, its a masisve step, i too feel a little depressed about it but trying to keep myself busy with things i used to do and lost interest in due to gambling so much, this site has definatley helped me over the past few nights and i will definaltey keep coming back , hearing everyone storys thatt are so similar to my own and reading how everyone else is coping helps alot. xx
Lil30 wrote:
Hi Kirsty, you sound exactly like me! I think you should be really pleased you've spotted it so quickly and have taken decisive action. You are definitely in the right place. The anxiety and sickness just becomes part of your everyday being and it’s awful! Please keep in touch on here - we can do this!
Thank you, i am really pleased that i have taken the step to prevent myself because i have delayed it for too long so i am proud that ive taken away the option to gamble, so hopefully over the next few months i can rebuild the life i have lost due to it, we can do this and good luck to yourself.
Hi Kirsty,
your first line is key "I've finally accepted" without this it’s very hard to stop. Well done on getting GameStop in place this is a great tool and one everyone should be using, i would suggest you look at blocking the casinos and bookies you say you are not tempted by them, this might be the case now but if you really want to bet again and GameStop is blocking the online avenue I have known lots of people who have found another way to gamble. You can block your bookies on the phone by calling 0800 294 2060 and you can block casinos online if you google SENSE casino exclusion you can fill out a form on there.
It sounds like you haven’t let your family know about the issues that gambling has caused you, they will probably already know, I would recommend letting them in as gambling thrives on secrecy I know this hard but they will be more upset if you struggle on your own.
The blocks are great but you need to find out why you are compulsive gambler, what makes you do what you do, GamCare offer free counselling which may help you or GA has meetings all over the country might be worth looking into those to help you get a better understanding.
Finally don’t apologise for rambling, my diary is called “Better to Ramble than Gamble” keep sharing on here and reading other diaries. It does get easier I’m not saying I never think of gambling but after over 3 years the urges have become a lot less.
KTF
Oldhamktf wrote:
Hi Kirsty,
your first line is key "I've finally accepted" without this it’s very hard to stop. Well done on getting GameStop in place this is a great tool and one everyone should be using, i would suggest you look at blocking the casinos and bookies you say you are not tempted by them, this might be the case now but if you really want to bet again and GameStop is blocking the online avenue I have known lots of people who have found another way to gamble. You can block your bookies on the phone by calling 0800 294 2060 and you can block casinos online if you google SENSE casino exclusion you can fill out a form on there.
It sounds like you haven’t let your family know about the issues that gambling has caused you, they will probably already know, I would recommend letting them in as gambling thrives on secrecy I know this hard but they will be more upset if you struggle on your own.
The blocks are great but you need to find out why you are compulsive gambler, what makes you do what you do, GamCare offer free counselling which may help you or GA has meetings all over the country might be worth looking into those to help you get a better understanding.
Finally don’t apologise for rambling, my diary is called “Better to Ramble than Gamble” keep sharing on here and reading other diaries. It does get easier I’m not saying I never think of gambling but after over 3 years the urges have become a lot less.
KTF
Hi KTF
Thank you so much for your advice, you are right and i am going to look into blocking myself from casinos and bookies as well just to be safe.
I haven't let my family know yet that is something im working on and might take me a little longer to have the courage to do, i am going to look into some counselling and get to the root of it because that is always on my mind as i don't understand why.
Thank you again for responding and good luck with your own recovery, 3 years is a huge deal.
Kirsty
Hi Kirsty
Your story is so like mine in terms of the gambling style. I too have no interest in shops - I actually wouldn't know what to do in one! But online is a whole different scenario. Like you I have won it back on several occasions and more. But that only fuelled the addiction and I've lost it all and more now. Thinking about this, it wasn't about the money, as I had solved the problem and could have walked away. But the addiction doesn't work like that. I distinctly remember one particular win just as I was about to give it up after breaking even with a big win the day before, and I felt nothing but guilt and shame. Like I didn't deserve the money and I felt bad I had it and my part er didn't. I sometimes think if I hadn't had that win would i have walked away. Why didn't I just give it to my partner than back to the casino?!
What's done is done though. You've made the best decision with gamstop (I'm still struggling with this). The forums are really helpful too and the chat room is amazing. My gamble free days have been when I went on the chatroom so it really helps with the motivation.
I've been quite open with a few people close to me and it does help not to carry the burden yourself. They haven't all been able to motivate me to stop, but from a mental wellbeing point of view it's helped me to talk.
Good luck and look forward to your updates and supporting you x
smudgey1 wrote: Hi Kirsty
Your story is so like mine in terms of the gambling style. I too have no interest in shops - I actually wouldn't know what to do in one! But online is a whole different scenario. Like you I have won it back on several occasions and more. But that only fuelled the addiction and I've lost it all and more now. Thinking about this, it wasn't about the money, as I had solved the problem and could have walked away. But the addiction doesn't work like that. I distinctly remember one particular win just as I was about to give it up after breaking even with a big win the day before, and I felt nothing but guilt and shame. Like I didn't deserve the money and I felt bad I had it and my part er didn't. I sometimes think if I hadn't had that win would i have walked away. Why didn't I just give it to my partner than back to the casino?!
What's done is done though. You've made the best decision with gamstop (I'm still struggling with this). The forums are really helpful too and the chat room is amazing. My gamble free days have been when I went on the chatroom so it really helps with the motivation.
I've been quite open with a few people close to me and it does help not to carry the burden yourself. They haven't all been able to motivate me to stop, but from a mental wellbeing point of view it's helped me to talk.
Good luck and look forward to your updates and supporting you x
Hi Smudgey1
Thank you for taking the time to reply, i banned my self on gamstop during my anger with myself at losing all my money again and i am so glad i did because if i had waited til i calmed myself down i would have tried to justify it in my head like i had been doing and as soon as money entered my bank i wouldnt have been able to stop myself and i know that now, you should definetly go through gamstop because like myself once that option has been took away we have no choice but i do understand how difficult the decision is and i hope you can find it in yourself to do it as well.
ii have only been unable to gamble for 4 days now but i already feel better because i know no matter how badly i want to go on and place a bet that i can't and i can come on here and chat instead.
I really wish you all the best and look forward to hearing how you get on also. xx
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
