Hi

Hi and welcome.

Everyones circumstances are different but we are all here for the same reason so please don't think your situation is less noteworthy. The most important thing is you've acknowledged you have a problem and are wanting to address it. Everyone has a different rock bottom and the fact you've come here now possibly before you've hit your rock bottom is even better. There are many times we think we've hit rock bottom but then we continue to gamble and find there's a new, worst rock bottom that we didn't think was possibly. I've been there on many occasion and this site and doing lots of reading has been invaluable to get up from that. 

Read as much as you can and maybe share a bit more information like what's your vice to gain as much valuable information as possible. I wish you wel on thisjourney. 

Bex

Thanks for your welcome... it’s online casino that has been/is continuing to be my downfall...  winning in the first few days a fairly substantial (for me) amount- around £1300- I believe was the worst thing that could’ve happened... I used to be dead against online casinos, thinking that they were a total fraud... and would only put on a couple of quid on major sporting events... that was about 2 &1/2 years ago... since then it’s escalated badly and in the last 6 months, I’ve recognised that I have a problem... I started using my credit card to gamble with (which I, of course, cant pay back..) and quickly maxed it out... about £2000... I occasionally win and put some back on it but then the cycle continues... I think, “this time I’ll sin enough to clear it and then I’ll stop... but generally I’ll maybe have a bit of luck and then start betting heavier and ultimately lose it all... 

My income is pretty sporadic as I’m self employed and it’s difficult to generate my own work... my wife is also the main breadwinner and doesn’t see the point in me doing a badly paid job that would mean we have to pay more money for childcare.. 

I just borrowed money from my mother that I promised myself I wouldn’t gamble with... but I’m down to my last £60 and I’m utterly disgusted with myself..

In my mind, I felt that I could fix the problem before anyone needed to know.... I still hope I can do that... 

luckily my wife and I are not financially linked... I have a credit card that we share that I date not use...

Anyway...apologies for the life story... 

Hi Ajitait

Dont apologise for the long story, that is what this place is for and the more information given, the easier to offer advice. 

You said ' you hoped you could fix this/I still hope I can'. This sounds like you're intent on gambling more to see if you can recoup your losses. I think we both know this isn't the answer to your problems as this will only make it worse. The only way to start repairing the damage (financially, physically and emotionally) is to put a stop to it now otherwise the situation will get so bad you will have nowhere else to go and will get found out. 

Have you told anyone close to you about your problem?

Online slots was also my choice of gambling and as lethal as they come allowing thousands to be spent in some zoned out frenzy. You need to accept the fact the money is gone; there is no quick way of getting it back. Most of us gamble and tell ourselves it's about the money but this is usually superficial and there tends to be much more behind it then just wanting some extra cash. I use to do it to escape reality and my life because I was lonely and miserable but gambling only increased that misery tenfold. 

If you really want to stop then you need to put blocks in place. Gamstop is a good start to ban yourself from online gambling,limiting your access to money, chopping up credit cards so you can't do anymore damage and maybe consider opening a bank account with Monzo where you can ban all gambling transactions. This is the only way you will stop the damage, self-loathing and downward spiral you are currently in. 

Think about it, if you continue on this path what will you gain or what do you stand to lose? Deep down you know the answer.

best wishes

Bex

Hi,

Just keep reading round the forum. Everyone’s stories differ, but are essentially the same. They came here cos they know they need to stop... so stop!

Get blocks in place. Temptation takes time to dissipate, so blocks are crucial. Once that bits under control you’ll still have a fight on your hands and you’ll probably find yourself in some weird places mentally, but we are all here doing the same and talking it through.

Well done for being here too. Keep moving forwards and create a new future. glance back as a reminder of what you’ve done, but don’t stare. This is the start of a new, more prosperous, healthier and happier life. Grab the opportunity with both hands. 

I wish you well and will keep an eye on your progress. 

Thank you both for your responses... 

I told two of my closest friends, one suggested this website and the other runs a community centre that has GA meetings at it but I can’t really go to those as I have my kids everyday... but this has been really helpful... I haven’t  gambled for three days now, I think... but there’s a tiny, very powerful voice in my head telling me that THE big win is just around the corner.. I feel a bit sick, and I f****** hate myself... and I can’t believe I’ve let this happen... 

Do I need to go onto a gambling site to put a block on or can I avoid that ...? 

Thanks in advance... 

I just tried to self exclude but it said it couldn’t verify my details.... 

Go to live chat on here. They’ll explain how to exclude from every website and casino!!

Hi

The Gambling and the addictions and obsessions were a form of escaping in my fears, the addictions and obsessions were a symptom that I was emotionally vulnerable.

When I went to the addictions and obsessions were a way of me escaping in my fears from people life and situations I could not cope with emotionally.

The recovery program was going to help me help myself become healthier and productive.

The recovery program was not going to stop me gambling that had to be my own daily choice.

The recovery program was going to help me exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

By going to meetings I would learn from other people.

By going to meetings I would relate to other peoples therapies.

By attending the recovery program in time I would start to feel and heal.

During my addiction and obsessions times I was emotionally traumatized, not just form the addictions and obsessions but due trauma as a child which was not healed or resolved.

In the recovery program the person I feared facing the most was myself.

The recovery program helped me understand what my emotional triggers were.

The recovery program helped me learn how to interact with people rather than react in unhealthy ways.

My emotional triggers were my pains not healed, my fears not faced, my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, my loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy, my feelings of boredom because I felt that life was boring, that I could succeed, that I avoided facing being accountable and I avoided facing challenges in my life.

My unhealthy reaction in my anger was due to my pains not healed, my fears not faced, my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, I use to think that being angry was healthy, not today being angry is not healthy in any way for me today.

My unhealthy reaction in my anger caused further aggression and confrontation, my anger caused people to fear me.

Whilst in my addictions and obsessions I was giving up more and more in myself, I was giving up faith and hope in myself.

When I aid to myself oh who cares any way, I was justifying saying or doing some thing harmful to myself and to others.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA

Dave of Beckenham

Hi

It is much healthier for me to heal my pains rather than suppress and burying my feelings.

Yet when I walked in to the I could not explain why I felt so vulnerable, I could not articulate myself in a healthy way.

The reason I use to swear was due to my frustrations of not being able to understand or explain what my true feelings were.

I use to be such a loner, I use to fear emotional intimacy.

I enjoy living my life with out fear today.

Yet at what point was I going to value myself.

Yet at what point was I going to give beating myself up all of the time.

How much time and energy am I willing to place in to my recovery.

All the time I was chasing my money lost I was living in the past.

Just for today is about setting boundaries.

Just for today I will not gamble is not about any type of gambling or addiction, just for today I will not gamble is a boundary that means I am not willing to hurt myself or any one else any more, just for today I will not gamble means that just for today I am going to value myself.

The recovery was not going to stop me gambling, that had to be my own conscious choice.

The recovery was going to help me understand each of my emotional triggers.

Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA

Dave of Beckenham