Day one of finally realising I have a problem - but can't pick myself up - I feel utterly stupid and a failure!!
I never so much as placed a bet on the Grand National before November last year - was never interested in Gambling - I have not idea how I got here!!
I started Matched offer bet as a bit of a money making exercise - not that I desperately needed the money but something to do during covid and it appealed to my methodical mind - I even created a nerdy spreadsheet.
But then I started real gambling and saw that was quicker profit and I was hooked. But the problem was every so often I lost and didn't like losing and started chasing the losses.
Quick races like greyhounds gave me a buzz - made my heartbeat go faster - but then the sheer low after losses was horrible but I would soon forget about that feeling when I made the money back.
Then I had a win on a slot offer, then came the roulette wheel and what I fooled myself into believing was due to my skill. Of course I didn't stop and eventually lost.
Then I made it back again and so the circle carried on until last night I lost all the money and dipped into our savings and lied to my wife. I was up to 4am and have had to take the day off work because I can't think of anything else except how stupid I've been, the lies, the money and of course I still want to go back on to recover the losses!!!
I've told my wife who is furious but supportive and I've phoned the GamCare helpine and found the female call handler very helpful. I've signed up for gamstop and downloaded the blocking software. But I can't stop feeling utterly stupid and a failure at letting this gambling get to me!!
I have a professional job, grown up kids and not short of money - why and how did I get here!!
Dear slee1234,
Welcome to the GamCare forum. We understand you're feeling really down on yourself just now, but we'd never call you stupid or a failure. You can't change what's happened but you can learn from it. Recovery is possible. It sounds like you've already started making practical changes to stop it happening again and you've reached out for support. Keep making those steps, one at a time.
It's understandable that feelings are running high for your wife right now and she is very welcome to contact us also.
Keep posting and letting us know how you get on,
Best wishes,
Deirdre
Forum Admin
Hi Slee and welcome.
Please dont beat yourself up too much about it. Its not really a stupidity or greed issue. Infact many people who are normally careful and sensible with money end up on the rocky road. You were not protected from it and believe me we should have been
They tempted you which is their plan and many people give it a go without realising how chemically addictive it is. Its such a powerful addiction because it preys on you from all angles....just one more go to make it right...I cant believe Ive done that so one more go.
All while the drug hit is in that act makes it very dangerous indeed. Its a complex addiction which you will learn about.
You are one of millions that develop a problem. Let your wife help you and keep the blocks strong. You will make this history when you realise you can never be complacent again about letting it back inside you.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
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