I have had a gambling addiction for around 4 years, however I sought help 3 years ago, ended a to I relationship, told my family what was going on and they helped look after my money etc..Â
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Now we are almost 18 months into me having Co trol of my own finances, I have spent 2 months of wages plus spent 5k of my partners money.
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It doesn't feel like it's me, it feels like it's someone watching me be this horrible person and hurting the people around me yet somehow feeling like I'm protecting them from this side of me.
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I was found out/came clean yesterday and the hurt that literally attacked me when I realised actually this is real, real money, real people, and unfortunately really me... Well I can't even explain that feeling. Alongside that was a tiny bit if releif that I'm not alone anymore, that my partner knows and from now on I may not behiding away with feelings of constant anxiety, suicidal thoughts, the real dark side.
I stand to lose absolutely everything in the only time in my life that I have something special to lose. This time I've messed up and I cant understand how or why. There feels like nothing left.. I don't feel I should stay with my partner, no way she deserves this and the kindest thing would be to walk away but she wants to help me, even though I don't deserve that. I don't know what to do.Â
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This is me. Day 1 gamble free.Â
Dear @kl88
Thank for sharing your story and I am so sorry to read about how gambling has impacted on your relationship with your partner.
Gambling can cause such harm to the gambler and those who are closest to them.
Please do not feel that you are alone, there is support available to you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week through our netline or helpline. Call us on 0808 8020 133 and you can talk with one of our Advisers who will listen and offer help and support.
Kind regards
Jo
Forum Admin
The first thing I would comment on is your suggestion that the kindest thing to do would be to walk away from your partner even though it seems she is prepared to support you in an attempt of recovery. It sounds harsh but I think it would be more accurate to say the easiest thing to do would be that. You feel awful about what you have done and the hurt you have caused. I think that's why you think you and everyone else would be better off if you walked away.
The truth is that the hardest part of a recovery is facing your demons, accepting the damage caused (both financial and psychological), taking actions to put things in place to prevent further damage, and starting to the journey of recovery and repair. It will be a long journey and take time to repay all debts including the money you now owe your partner but if you can stick to it and change your life around then your future is nothing but rosy. It's a great sensation to stop giving the bookies your cash and to start slowly seeing your debts reduce a little.Â
You can do this. Please accept your foolishness. Please accept the money lost has gone and is not recoverable. Day 1 and the next few days are for reflection and action. You can apologize to loved ones for what you have done but ultimately it will be your actions from this day forwards that will determine how serious you are about fixing this for good. Best of luck, there is much support here for you.
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