Hello
I joined here at the start of the year after losing a fair wedge in one night of madness, deciding there and then that using the odd session of poker/roulette to try to win a bit of extra pocket money had clearly escalated into something a bit more ominous.
Roll on 6 months and I had just taken out a loan for my business, and it happened to be a little over what I needed in the end. So I was sitting with a grand I wasn’t expecting and decide to see if I can turn it into a bit more.
Then I started on a rollercoaster of winning a large amount, losing it all and winning more. Each time I won, rather than withdrawing it all, I withdrew it a bit at a time, giving myself the worst opportunity to dwell on turning it into a bit more.
All going well until a week yesterday, bit of a exhausting day at work, get home and within a few hours the account is empty. Then, start to chase with what I’ve already withdrawn and that goes too.
Can’t comprehend it, that would have been me debt free and and in the clear, to look back it feels as if I’m looking in on a situation that I wasn’t actually part of or present in at the time. I can cling on to the idea that I didn’t actually lose money I had before, just what I won, but it makes little difference.
So now I’m back to where I started, or probably a bit down now after trying to win it back, and in the usual pickle financially.
To sit and think about it now is soul crushing , but even with the fact I lost it all once and managed to get it back, there was still never a moment in that ‘high’ which gambling induces where I stepped back and was able to see the situation for what it was. I guess that’s the trick it plays on you- forewarn yourself as much as you like about how what goes up must come down/get out while ahead/never chase etc, when you’re caught in the middle of it all it all goes out the Window.
I am trying to put it in perspective, which writing this is helping- use it as a positive lesson to move on from, and hope it can help others. In the end you’ll always lose eventually, until the day you stop- then you’re the winner every day!
When you're in the fog of gambling you're head can never rise out it. It's almost like you're playing a computer game. The money only enters you mind in relation to whether you have enough 'tokens' to keep playing. When all the 'tokens' are gone that's when it higts home. The buzz of nervous anticipation occupies the mind.
Hi cmc,
Thanks for sharing your story here in the forum, and I couldn’t agree more with you in that you’re using your experience as a positive lesson to move on, and like you said: “hope it can help others” too.
You seemed more aware of your situation, and trying to do the best you can to overcome it. I’m also glad to learn that writing your story in the our forum is helping you in a way to stop gambling.
In case you think counselling will help you in overcoming your gambling problem, please don’t hesitate to contact us for a referral.
You can also contact us via our free phone Helpline on: 0808 8020 133, and chat with one of our advisers and find out about other help options available to you. Our lines are open everyday from 8.00am to midnight.
Keep up the good work, and keep posting!
Best wishes,
Beatrice
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