I'm writing this after having blown 760 doing online gambling and then lying on my bed and crying.
This pretty much happens once every month - I blow all my available money gambling so all I have left is enough for the bare essentials. After that I tell myself I will not do it again, that I will make an extra payment on my loan next month instead; or buy something nice. But that never happens..there is always something subconscious inside me that tells me I have to gamble and I cannot resist that urge. It's like another side of me takes over and I cannot stop it.
I'm 3 grand overdrawn, have an 8 grand loan and a credit card with over 1200 on it. In addition to that, I owe probably 4-5 k in unpaid taxes from when I was self employed a few years ago - but instead of paying the taxes I gambled it all.
I have a son and I feel I'm letting him down because I'm not buying him all the things I should be with my spare money. He's 8 and I've told him I gamble and explained to him what gambling is and that it makes me very sad. He tells me to walk away from the computer and do something else I enjoy instead; which is good advice for an 8-year-old .. but of course I can't do that - I'm too weak. What can I do to be stronger?
I have self-excluded from my local bookies and that works well. But you can't self-exclude from all the online casinos - there's too many of them. Also I can't install gambling blocking software on my computer because it's a works computer and they don't allow that to be installed.
I'm hoping that posting on this forum will help me to get some good advice because I've never done anything like it before.
Please help.
Simon
Simon
Welcome it the forum and well done for finding the strength to post you will find so much support and will quickly find out your not alone
Admitting the problem is the hardest part but the most important first steps so again well done for that , many have walked in your shoes how you feel at this moment in time myself included , the promise never to do it again but only to recalculate my finances with another loan credit card lying to borrow money anything for that next bet looking to win the big one that never comes the saying goes we can't win because we can't stop and unfortunately for us that will always be the case the only way we can win is by not placing that first bet
I encourage you to read other posts and even start a diary in the recovery section it's a great way to track your progress and vent your feelings , get supported and support others no one will ever judge you on here just support
Take it one day at a time each day you will go stronger by making that choice not to gamble the head becomes clearer and life starts to seem brighter there will be tough days that comes to us all but they do pass
I have a daughter at 10 who was 8 when I admitted my problem and seeked help she is my motivation to this date , at 8 they are fully aware of everything like your son is and I didn't want her growing up thinking her dad was a compulsive gambler and not giving her the love and support she needed , with your computer try putting a photo of your son on it to remind of what you are doing when the urges come
You have made a great start today is the start of a new life only you can make it happen but more importantly make it count
I wish you all the best in your recovery
Castle2
Thank you for your kind words of support.
That is good advice about the photo - I will do that. I am now feeling more positive about being able to stop this - but time will tell.
Simon
Hi Simon - Very wise words from castle2 there.
I am sorry you are feeling so low, but often it is just that which finally motivates us into making a serious effort to rid ourselves of this terrible addiction. But you will find the strength, because deep down you know that you and your son deserve a better life.
That's a really good idea of castle's - to put a photo of your son on your computer to remind you not to gamble. It's a shame you can't install blocking software, but provided you have self-excluded permanently from your sites you should be OK - you'll just have to be extra strong about joining new ones!
Some of the stories on here will inspire you - people with even bigger debts than yours have completely turned their lives around and found lots of other worthwhile things to do than being chained to a computer feeding money into slots etc. Your son has a wise head on his shoulders - find other interests, take him out when you can (there are lots of free things to do), and you can be sure that in a short time you will feel so much better.
There are also lots of things you can do to help you sort out your finances - lots of advice on the forums and I'm sure Gamcare can help too. One thing is certain - you will never recoup your losses by further gambling. There is a mantra here: "I cannot win because I cannot stop." It's so true - no matter how much we win we will always lose it again - that is the insanity of gambling.
You have the chance now to make a real difference to both your lives -take it and be thankful that at last you are going to do something worthwhile.
Best wishes for your journey.
Joanna
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
