I feel like i have ruined my life

i have used my fathers lottery account to buy lottery tickets, which is the worst thing i could have done, hes given me everything in life and i do that.

i am having a mental breakdown every day about the things i have done, i am so remorseful and depressed about everything. i feel like some part of my brain shut down and i was an evil nasty selfish person for a long time there.

i think i was a good person before i started gambling and playing the lottery, but didnt see it. now i have turned myself into a bad person. the last thing i want to do is hurt anyone, apart from myself.

i am never going to gamble or buy a lottery ticket again, but i think it is too late. They will always think of me as a gambler and bad person. i am feeling so ill and down about the person i became, it kind of makes me feel sick thinking about it.

Hi Steve,

You sound very down and we are concerned about your well being.

While you at the moment believe that you are a bad person, others probably see you as a good person with problems. And this is only what you feel at present. Your feelings can and will change.

Maybe you would like to contact us on the Helpline on 0808 80 20 133 or on the Netline http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/frontline-services/netline and talk your situation through with an adviser. There is much support available to you. We are open from 8 am to midnight every day.

If you feel really low, you can also contact the Samaritans. They are good to talk to. https://www.samaritans.org/

There is a way forward!

Kind wishes

Gabriele

Hi Stephen, unfortunately gambling makes many people do things that they would not normally do however that doesn’t make you a bad person. Everyone makes mistakes and from what I have read it seems like your Parents and Dad especially have always been there for you and i’m Sure they will help you this time. You say that your Dad has given you everything, so it sounds like you should give him the opportunity to help with this. If you give people close to you the chance to help then I have no doubt that you will be surprised by the support you receive. Good luck and I Hope that you can find the courage to speak to someone about how you feel. Things can get better if you give it a chance.

Steve this illness, and that’s exactly what it is, will make you feel like that when I’m actual fact I’m sure your parents love you unconditionally that means flaws and illnesses and all. You haven’t killed anyone you haven’t done anything bad you’ve simply gotten an addiction and that happens to so many people around the world, GOOD PEOPLE, don’t let it convince you that you are unworthy or anything less than what you are. You can accept that it made you make some bad choices but you are remorseful and are already here trying to get better so that in itself shows your strength. Write a letter to your parents being honest and let them know how upset you are and how you’re feeling. I’m sure they would rather help and forgive you than for you to suffer like this and know you feel you are better off dead as I can guarantee they do not feel the same way!! Get some help and take care of yourself we are all here in the same position as you, you’re not alone :). Xxx

thank you everyone for your messages of support, im just dreading how my parents will react.

I just dont know how i lost control of my gambling, its like another person takes over and you cant stop. i have tried to save money in the past and it just goes straight away. i dont think i will gamble again, but it thnk i have broken something inside myself.

That’s the story for most of us i’m Afraid. If we knew what we know now we would never have placed any sort of bets in the first place. You need to tackle this head on and be brave and admit the situation. Then you can start to rebuild your life, and over time it gets easier and believe it or not you do start to hate yourself less as the days go by. I’m only early into my recovery myself however already I am feeling better and can start to look in the mirror again without a look of disgust. This is the time to change your life and I hope that you will. Just by reading the stories of other people on this site makes you realise that we are all in this together and unfortunately there is always someone in a worst position that you. Make a change now and good luck.

Hi redsteve,

I read a post on the &f section on here that said that a gamblber will only stop gambling when the pain of continuing to gamble is worse than the pain of stopping. It sounds like you have maybe hit that point.

You are definly not alone and if you spend a bit of time on here you will soon see that. I've been through it all and done some bad things in my life...stolen from friends, family, work and even had a half hearted attempt at suicide.

Give yourself a break...things can get better if you are willing to make the effort to stop.

Give gamcare a call and get what you have bottled up off your chest. I remember the huge weight that lifted from me when i told someone.

Damo

thanks everyone i am feeling alot more positive about things, i really appreciate it.

you are not alone mate! there is alot of help out there. whatever happened in the past you cant change but you can definetely have a happier and brighter future. A big hug to you.

redsteve!...im happy to read that you feel a bit more positive about things. I promise you life gets better once you make a commitment to stop gambling. Those low feelings will lift much more quickly than you realise. In the meantime, please call one of the helplines...you have got nothing to lose by doing so. Its a free phone number that gamecare provided and it may just help you to sort somethings out in your head and realise that there is life after gambling...a much better one. I wish you good luck and I will be following up on your progress on here. Virtual hug also!