November 2014 is when my life changed without me even realizing (at the time).
I joined an online 'bingo' website back at late end of 2014, what started out as 'harmless' £20 deposits every now and then quickly spiralled into larger amounts (500+ every day when I had the money too) after I started to win quite a significant amount.
When I won my first £1,000 the feeling was one I can't explain, I was so happy! I of course withdrew but then I found myself playing it back into the slots once it hit my bank, but when the 'winnings' had gone I'd start on mine and my partners wages (baring in mind we have a mortgage and bills to pay for every penny counts). We aren't 'rich' and we aren't 'poor', we are just normal working class people who have a nice life but obviously do not have spare 'cash' to throw away, as that is exactly what I have been doing! Throwing our money away!
For months myself and my partner have been argung over my GA and I find myself coming up with ridiculous excuses. I lie about what I've done with my day, I remove the history on all our laptops and PC at home so there is no trace of what I have been on. However, he isnt stupid, he knows what my day will have consisted of! Even when I have no money left at all, I'll play on slot demos on the GWS and this is NOT normal. The money IS NOT REAL!
The day before NYE I deposited £300 to a GWS and won £1,200. I was itching to continue playing but I withdrew the money. The next morning I checked to see if the withdrawal had been processed and it was still showing 'pending', the urge just overtook me and I played it back in. To my joy, I turned the £1,200 to £2,000. I quickly withdrew as this £2,000 is now all we had as I'd gambled ALL our money, I hastly left the house to go shopping with my mum and little girl as I knew in the house i'd go back to the PC and play it back! Few hours passed and I returned home, the FIRST thing I did was check to status of my win, it showed 'processed' and I felt a sigh of relief as I knew I couldn't play it.
NYD arrived and after checking my bank the last 2 mornings, the £2,000 was showing as avaliable in my bank! IMMEDIATELY I logged straight into my gambling account at 6am to start playing, hoping i'd turn that £2,000 into bigger money. You can guess the res, within seconds, literally seconds the £2,000 had gone! Not a bonus, a win, no nothing.... I felt sick and in fact threw up in the toilet. I then had to tell my partner, but before I even uttered the words, he knew and just didn't shout he just turned over and the look on his face said it all.
Thats when everything clicked, I'm not just ruining my life, I'm ruining my partners and my daughters happiness. My selfishness is affecting them an our relationship. For the last 2 years (eve when pregnant) I've played slots including demo games when I've had no money to bet! Enough is enough. I will NOT allow another year or another day of this. 2017 I WILL have control!
Welcome Laura.
I'll give you the basics to start
You need blocking software k9
Is free. You need your partner to set the passwords. You can also ask your ip to put the adult content block on your web.
It's advisable to hand over financial control for a while to your other half. Providing receipts for absolutely everything.
May sound extreme but you're going to have to go full hog.
If you have read around the forum
You might if noticed gamcare do ten free sessions of counselling.
If that's not your thing. There's group's like ga. Many woman go there.
Quitting gambaling isn't easy
But it definitely is achievable.
But only if you want it more than you want to gamble.
There's a diary in the recovery section by a member named loxxie and her story is similar to yours. Online slots. She's almost on a year now so maybe take a read..
I don't want to overwhelme you so I'll leave it there for now.
Just remember you can do it.
Many members are
Best wishes
Deano
Hiya Laura Jane..how are you doing tonight? Read your post a couple of times...lying, arguments, being distant from your partner, feeling sick, not fully enjoying your pregnancy, not fully enjoying relationships...those wretched slots don't bring happiness do they? But you have made a decision now, you are not going to let them spoil another day. It isn't going to be easy, but Deano has given you good advice. Remove your access to money, and get those blocks in place. Thank goodness I have never gambled online...casinos are my downfall...I've stopped carrying more than £30 cash, and debit cards. I am learning a new appreciation of money...life soon feels better, and it can for you too.
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