i dont know what to do please help

Hi Elaine

I can relate to all of the above, my partner is aware of my gambling addiction purely as we have a joint bank account as we closed mine due to my previous consistant bets. However, even having a joint account I still continue to gamble! I have no clue why... It's not even fun! Like yourself, once I have lost the money I deposit, I deposit more and place bigger bets hoping that this will be the 'big one' and the reality is, it never is and never will be!

I won £2,000 day before NYE from £300, it hit our bank on Sunday (yesterday) and I threw it ALL away, I then had the shame of telling my partner... I had no reason to gamble, I had £2,000! But I felt I had to, to try and win bigger... It's a vicious circle I can't seem to get out of!

To top that off we recently had our little girl who is now 8 months. I can't explain the shame I feel when I look at her and I'm sat on the laptop gambling, I feel she and my family should be enough for me to stop? It just doesn't seem to be. However, this morning something clicked, it's a New Year and 2017 is going to be MY year. I am going to get my life back and I WILL be back in control.

Telling your partner is hard, I completely understand and at first there may be raised voices but a problem shared as they say... He is your husband and he is there to support you! Ask him (for now) to take control of the finances, close ALL your betting online accounts, etc and when you feel you need a 'fix' try and replace with going out for a walk, if your kids are young enough take them to the park? Or come online to this forum and document how you feel and remember why YOU want to stop!

It will be hard for me, of course I know that but I will not let my next year be controlled by a slot machine!

Good luck and stay strong xx

I started a thread last night regarding the same themes. I also feel utterly ashamed, just can't believe I've jeopardised my family like this. I pray that when i tell my wife, she'll at least try and understand, and stay by me. I had the same drive, I just wanted our family to be happy and worry-free for a while, financially. Well, rather then do that, I did the exact opposite. The stress and anxiety I have put on myself is not healthy, and this is why I don't want my wife to experience it. But I think it may have to be the only way forward. I hope all goes well for you.

Hi Gibbons1987

Yeah, I have actually just read your thread. It's the thrill of the 'bigger' win we cling onto, but the reality is, even IF we did win that bigger amount, we'd continue to win BIGGER... It is so easy to fall into this never ending merry-go-round of winning/losing/winning/losing as in the end we always lose!

Telling your wife will be a huge burden off your shoulders and once you've confided you can work towards a solution. I hope everything works out well and we ALL come out the other side of this vicious addiction.

Like yourself I take sertraline for my aniexty (have for last 2 years) and this situation does not help my disorder and only heightens it. I can only pray that this situation comes to an end I can get back under control and gain my happy life back. I know that it is only me who can do this though, no easy fixes.

Hi

My husband is the recovering CG in the house so I've been in your husband's unenviable position. My advice would be to get him told as soon as you can not least to limit any further damage you can do. There isn't going to be a good time to do it but leaving it means he could find out for himself at any time which has to be an even less attractive proposition.

He's going to need to take over the finances immediately but alongside this there are things you can ask him to help you to do to show him you mean business. Self exclusions, software blockers, planning to ditch the smartphone for a non internet version, getting passwords onto PCs and alongside all this looking into your closest GA meeting and booking in for counselling (Gamcare offer a free service). Action, any action will speak louder than words at this point.

Hi Elaine, Laura Jane and all. I can completely understand your anxiety and despair, especially when we find the need to gamble with higher stakes leading to greater losses and debt. I recall 18 months ago having a few steady (fun bets) which gradually escalated until I got to the point whereby a £200 winning target didn't seem worth it as my minimum monthly loan and credit card payments were about £450. It's such a vicious cycle - one that we just cannot win in the long run.

re: telling the other half about the devastating situation. I would say that for most it will be a stressful experience, but also a chance to express love and understanding. Bear in mind that 'it's only money' - over time we can pay it off and earn more, but to recover from an addiction will be even more of an accomplishment.

All the best and hoping that you can make the right decisions.

Heeeey!!

I'm in the same boat. Its sooo hard. We do not intend to hurt the ones we love...but yet we continue to do so whether they no or not. Right now I'm in a hole...a deep one...but I vant let Mr G win...let's make 2017 a better year for us x

hi all thanks for the replies it means alot. I told my hubby on monday shortly after posting this. I think actually writing it down made me realise i had to tell him and that i couldnt hide it any longer. I was amazed (and still am) at how he reacted. No shouting, no judging, he already knew deep down that something was wrong but didnt know the extent. He was more upset about the loans than the gambling and just asked how much i owed and we have started to set things right. He amazes me at how understanding he is and how i got myself in such a state about telling him. I have not gambelled since sunday.....something of which i am proud of and i shall continue to be good. I have had urges but i have kept myself busy. Its hard...very hard but i will do it. I hope this wil help other people in the same boat as me.....i know i have a long way to go but i can actually sleep now which i havnt done for months. Si thanks again peeps....stay strong.

Hey Laura Jane.

Yeah, I told my wife, and yeah you were right, huge burden off my shoulders. Doesn't rid the shame I feel though of course. Just finding it so hard to deal with the huge debt I have accrued (within 2 weeks!) having never been in debt before. Hope you are ok.