Hi All
Little bit about me...
I'm new here, first time ever really searching for help. Not new to gambling (been doing it for at least 10 years) mainly online poker, lately online blackjack.
I won a lot and lost a lot too - I guess we all have that in common.
I have wife, little daughter (they don't currently live with me - nothing to do with gambling,it's just complicated)
I also have debts (about 20k), I gave my winnings to my wife (won 80k in october), and also bought an expensive car for her.
I have great job with slightly above average salary which should make me debt free in few months - if I dont play...
I dont need money, I can have great life with what I make. In my job.
My gambling usually goes like this:
200 deposit
Playing few days/nights
Up few tousands - withdrawal made, lets say 8k
Pleased & want to stop, withdrawal canceled, chopped off few 100's, and few more and more lost 8k in under 2 hours.
Another deposit made & another & another... can't stop ... almost hitting my overdraft limit stops me... leaving few 100's gap for food for the month....
Next pay day same story...
My wife knows I lost a lot of money... but doesn't know now. I don't want to tell her - I feel ashamed and don't want to hurt her... but really want to stop... and get my life to some form of normality ...
Often I feel they would be better without me in this life, i have good insurance policy I really hope something happens to me. I don't think I would do anything to myself... but I would be ok if I'm gone and they don't need to be ashamed.
I've gone more months without gambling but I always go back.
This is my day 0..... I guess its up to me what that number is going to be... I keep you posted ... right now crying myself to sleep...
I think this is quite familiar to a lot of people here. It certainly hits a lot of ticks to my own story.
First step you've already achieved by coming here and reaching out. I'm exactly where you are and the level of despair at my ridiculous behaviour is at times overwhelming but I want to beat this and believe I can beat this. You need to believe the same. We all know that we can't win but that's not even what it's about anymore. I believe you need to find a system in this most crucial early stage that makes it impossible for you to do the things you do. You need someone to look after your finances. You need to stop having access to all your money all of the time. You need to exclude yourself from any websites and maybe look at installing blocking software on computers and phones.
You cannot change what happened yesterday so just accept that but you absolutely can change what happens tomorrow no matter how cliched that may sound, it's also true.
I can beat this, and so can you. Talk to people, the helpline here is great, they will give you good advice and no one will ever judge you.
Stop punishing yourself and be proactive putting what will work for you in place.
I hope some of this helps and I'm always happy to help if I can, I'm going through exactly the same thing as you. Good luck.
Thanks and good luck to you in fighting this...
Its scary reading these forums and finding out how similar people stories are..
I know it all was our choice, but how can something like this be legal? So many life's ruined...
I have no urges to play, i'm just angry that i did play before...
Hi lasttime93,
Welcome to the forum, and well done for opening up to your family, and also to the forum.
It seems like you’ve been struggling with your gambling problem for some time, and you’ve also managed to abstain for a while with the help and support from your wife. Unfortunately, you’ve relapsed, and you now seem ready to do whatever it takes to cut free from this gambling problem.
I’m glad that you came to Gamcare for help and support, and I hope that our advice on strategies would enable you to control your gambling problem effectively, and eventually stop gambling.
Have you thought about installing one of our recommended internet blocking software to stop you from accessing gambling sites? The software are:- Gamblock, Betfilter, Net Nanny and Gamban. Please research on them, and install the one you think is most suitable to provide your needs.
It would be advisable to keep yourself busy by involving in other activities/ hobbies to distract you from gambling, and also to prevent you from being bored, as boredom is one of the contributory factors that make people gamble more or, even relapse when they are in recovery, and you by all means want to guard against that.
You sound like someone who would benefit from counselling, and if that be the case then please try and contact our free phone Helpline on: 0808 8020 133, and speak to one of our adviser about a referral, and also about other additional strategies to help you to abstain from gambling.
Our services are all confidential, and we open everyday from 8.00am to midnight.
I’ll encourage you to try and stay in touch, so we’ll know how you’re getting on with your recovery, and just in case you need further help and support.
There’s light at the end of the tunnel, so keep trying, and keep posting!
Best wishes,
Beatrice
Things are going good, I actually dont think about gambling at all only the fact that I need to sort out the mess I made.
Today I went swimming for the first time in a while after joining local health club, so yeah... cant wait to reflect on all of this in about years time. 🙂
I like to come here and read the stories, the progress, the success the failures. It all makes me not want to do it even more. I hope this works for everyone.
It will be a long long journey.. but I really dont want to loose any more money, and the only way to make money is by working...
Ruined last 10 years of my life... will take me another year to fill the gap, so 11 years...of c**P but hopefully after that its just pure joy and happiness with my family
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