Hi All
I am 29 and have been gambling for around 12 or 13 years (It is amazing how easy Bookies made / make it when you are underage online).
Until the last year, I knew I gambled alot, but didn't see it as a problem. A friend got me into following horse racing tipsters on twitter and I hada few small wins followed by some downs, but overall I wasn't substantially up or down. I would regularly throw £30 on a horse that I knew nothing about for a bit of a buzz.
My problem is (and I assume this is common amongst all of us) is that I simply cannot stop chasing a loss - The feeling of the bookies having one over me; the embarrassment of throwing my money away with nothing to show for it.
Last year over three hours, I lost a £20 football bet, followed by a £100 'sure thing', followed by a £300 'even surer thing', followed by £1000. I didn't sleep for days - It was going over in my head again and again. Eventually after a week I put another £1000 bet on a horse tip which came in and brought me back to evens. At that point, I knew this was a problem and I should have stopped - I still dabbled, but again kept within my limits, taking this as a lesson that I can be a danger to myself, though given I enjoyed the buzz I didn't stop. I continued the loss and doubling up until I recouped my loss (with lesser stakes) and thought I was fine.
Following a twitter tipster, I found myself finally clear of credit card debt and £700 in the black over a week - Amazing I thought to myself. The problem was that I could recognise that I had completely lost the value of money. I had by now received a fairly substantial (£20k) inheritance which I vowed I would never touch.
I gambled away the £700, chasing large odds, thinking 'this isn't my money so I'll chase a dream'. Needless to say as this dwindled to zero, it very much felt like it was my money I had lost. I then put a £200 bet on to recoup this and then "walk away forever". This lost and so I decided the quickest way was to get onto Online roulette and double up until I came in.
Long story short, over 5 spins I lost just shy of £10k of my inheritance - I felt physically sick, ashamed and unable to compute what I had done in the space of about 10 minutes.
I have very fortunate to have a decent salary and have made a plan in which I can pay this back to 0% credit cards in the margins over a couple of years, whilst still putting money for a house I am saving for with my wife (though she doesn't know I have lost half of this inheritance as I transferred the debt to credit card to preserve the money in savings) and I know that I am in a very fortunate position whereby I actually still have some of the savings.
The problem is I just can't stop my mind going over the possibility of "one last double up" on the roulette table to get rid of this embarrassment and never gamble again. Whilst I know it is the worst idea and have no intention of doing it, I just can't stop thinking about it; over and over again on loop - I'm just hoping that through time these thoughts will go away.
I keep telling myself that a) I am in a fortunate position whereby I am not technically in debt and b) take this as the price of a lesson that gambling will not pay, but of course a loss that size over a short period has hit me very hard.
Anyway, thanks for reading. That is my story and since my last very small bet on v. long odds at the weekend in a feeble attempt to recoup the money, I have finally taken the initial step and am determined to kick this habit forever.
Black10
Hi there, i’m sorry to read your story and I know that others will be along to give you more practical steps - I got started with Twitter tipsters which quickly tuned to online slots as some of the bookies gave you offers linked to the slots. I just wanted to say that you are lucky to still have some money left and I applaud your will to stop now. If you read some of the stories - you can see how fortunate the realisation has come so soon. The only way I could stop (and this is my longest attempt now) was to self exclude, gamstop and then enact parental control on devices for gambling sites. Good luck!
Thanks Lil30, appreciate it.
I agree, I am in a very fortunate position which almost makes me feel bad for posting, having read some of the horrific situations that others on this forum have got into as a result of the addiction.
Firstly I need to deal with the habit / daily schedule that I have adopted. Football is on tonight and it is almost like I am missing a part of me that will be hooked to my phone, refreshing the scores and "not in the room" with my wife.
Secondly it is the warper mentality and thoughts I need to overcome; coming to terms with a loss in regards to the money, its the constant thought of "one more large bet will make it like it never happened" that I need to eradicate.
This almost idyllic situation I have concocted in my head I know is pure fantasy and if it worked, I would no doubt be back again for more, knowing that I have lost that amount before and I can bounceback from it. If it didn't work I'd have far more sinister thoughts.
I suppose it is simply getting busy and distracting my mind from it. I know I should talk to my wife about it and that would perhaps take a weight off of my mind, but I'm determined to sort this on my own (my mess to clean up) and not burden my wife with what an idiot I have been (and what I have been hiding from her on a daily / nightly basis for so long).
Thanks again for listening - It is cathartic simply writing this down.
It is cathartic, and to be honest, in the early days (even when I relapsed) this site was my home. The only time I havn’t posted realy is when I was feeling the urges and so I just didn’t go online. I haven’t spoken to my partner; he suffers from anxiety and has had problems at work recently and I really didn’t want to add to it. But I know many on here absolutely recommend honesty. I kind of did a ‘half effort’ where I mentioned that I wanted to spend less time on my phone - and asked him to start distracting me and things!! But yes, breaking the routine is hard and you might find yourself having to give up on sports for a while... I also had to block all tipsters on twitter as it would kill me when they won!
I've also semi done the same with my wife who made a comment over the weekend that she thought she didn't recognise me when we went to the football and I was adamant I was going to get a small bet on (though she knows probably a tenth of it!) I feel like I have conditioned myself that watching and enjoying sport is only possible with a bet on it.
Agreed in respect to other saying to come clean and be completely honest, which to be fair I may be forced to do when we apply for a mortgage etc and my credit card debt is on the form, but I'm also reasoning that until I can square it in my own mind first, I don't want to have that conversation with her.
Additionally, I have also been in that same trap over the last couple of days reading the tipsters who have had a couple of good days - I don't use it for anything else so have thought about deleting it altogether and taking that distraction away.
Thankyou!
Tipsters are very often paid by the bookies. Following their advice is like taking security advice from someone who's planning to burgle your house.
You had a golden chance to come clean and thereby make it very much harder for you to gamble in secret. It's worth thinking about why you chose to keep that loophole open. Stopping often means stepping out of your comfort zone, inconvenience in the shape of someone handling your finances and steeling yourself to hearing some home truths about how you've acted.
All of it is better than carrying a toxic secret around and being at risk of talking yourself into more gambling.
Im not sure gamblers ever stop chasing losses
As you say to lose 10K in 5 spins is crazy but entirely believable I was watching a live roulette lobby last night and saw the number 16 roll in 4 times the odds of that are about 26 million to one
Theres a popular term amongst gamblers when they are on losing streaks and that is “tilted” you are tilted and that’s why your considering staking 10K to double it ……all sounds pretty easy on paper
Problem is you HAVE to win or your life’s in ruins ……the roulette wheel doesn’t care if you win or lose and that’s what makes it so dangerous
You should only ever gamble if your happy to lose , that’s the reason most of us wind up on this forum because we’ve sp*nked too much and we are racked with guilt
nobody ever comes on here because they’ve won too much
nipped wrote:
Im not sure gamblers ever stop chasing losses
Problem is you HAVE to win or your life's in ruins ……the roulette wheel doesn't care if you win or lose and that's what makes it so dangerous
nobody ever comes on here because they’ve won too much
This is the best bit of advice you've had so far.
Just really think about it... Your destiny and future in the hands of a spinning machine. You may lose everything and more. Your life will be in tatters. If you win some, you'll go back for more at some point and eventually lose... We always do I'm afraid.
I would really take stock of what could happen if it all goes wrong. Write it down on paper if you have to (pros/cons of trying to win it all back) you'll see that the cons outweigh the pros and for every pro there will be a counter-con.
Perhaps then you'll put the idea to bed and see what's happened as a very, very lucky escape.
Don't get me wrong though, these thoughts you're having are perfectly natural for a compulsive gambler... But they are also very toxic. Just be mindful that you don't succumb to toxic thoughts or the carpet may be swept from your feet in an instant.
Kudos to you for coming on here and talking it out before making that decision to gamble. You deserve a lot of credit for that. May have been the best decision you've made since losing that 10k. Now listen to what has been said and stay away from that bet. Otherwise years of your life could go sour just like that. Good luck.
Hi
I have just read your original post Black10 and what stands out is the classic "comfort" zone we hurriedly create for ourselves. This runs along the lines of it could be worse ...... Ive got a good job...not put me in debt so far...the wife doesnt know and so on.
This is the mind trying to lessen the pain which is natural but its also fueled by the mind control of leaving the door open to do it all again. Inside a compulsive gambler the mind is seeking another fix of dopamine all wrapped up in the delusional hope the money is coming back
The reality is that you must face this and if I had mugged you in the street for it, you would have rightly been devastated and told your wife straight away.
I used to get upset if I had dropped a pound or lost a glove. However I would often zone out and put hundreds into a fruit machine. That is the total mind control of an addiction which destroys us
Now the difficulty explaining this is that you do have something to be thankful for and it runs deep. You are still with us and have a family that loves you.
A gambling addiction doesnt care about that though and you need to understand that it plays on issues deep within the soul.
To stop gambling the reality must be faced. I applaud you for being on the forum but the hard truth is that telling someone close is the reality check that puts things into perspective.Yes its hard but secrets are no good for you if you are in the grip of a gambling addiction.
The alternative is that its got new lows in store for you. Its not a get it back later scheme. You dont work if there is an even chance that people wont pay you so why would you think the gambling dens have anything to offer?
You need to seek a born again moment of serenity . Until you do that its all secrets and temptation.
Im glad you are on here but at the moment you have made a plan to absorb the loss and nobody close to you knows. That only sets you up for the next time this rears its ugly head out of the blue. From experience I can assure you it will unless you get help to make sure you are blocked and have no access to cash above a very limited amount.
Thats about saving you and has NOTHING to do with treating you like a baby. I glady sacrificed the trust because it was infinitely better than gambling to extinction and feeling suicidal.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Do you trust online roulette enough to put that sort of money on one bet ? You should think very carefully about what you're doing. Search Youtube for live roulette videos for info. You've already been taken for a mug, there's no point in becoming an even bigger mug is there ?
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