Hi there posted a few times on here when I've hit a bad spell with my gambling hoping for some words of advice or comfort and try to move away from this horrible addiction.
Recently I've started to gamble a lot more than usual normally I was a once every few weeks kind of guy still losing big but not everyday.
But recently any gust of wind blows me into a arcade or bookies and the loses have started to get bigger and bigger. The misses know I gamble but not to the extent of which I'm doing recently. Day after day loss after loss thinking in my own deluded way I'll claw the cash back and I can pay off my credit card that i took out and then maxed out to cover some of the losses i had lost before it. But with no luck I'm digging a hole which luckily I'm not in any major debts apart from said credit card and have a few grand put by but everyday those savings are getting smaller and smaller which were for a house for me and my girlfriend. Christmas is round the corner and haven't bought any presents and all I can think about is gambling.
Luckily my savings are now in my gf account and shes looking after my money but I still find a way to gamble which is starting to seriously get on my nerves and my girlfriends in the process I feel if I dont tackle this demon I'm going to lose not only my money but her in the process.
Thanks for reading if you have got this far.
Keep strong mate. Your savings are v important so good move there. I lost £10k this week out of £15k pot. Gutted. And j have 7.5k on a credit card. So not in a great place. Luckily my mortgage isn't to bad and new deal coming up so I've blocked everything and put £10k on my mortgage to get straight. Last chance for me. It's the emotional side that's so hard
Yeah mate that's why I gave the savings to her dont get me wrong I've lost about 500 quid which is a small amount in comparison to yourself and people on here but for me that's 2 weeks wages gone and it's a kick in the teeth but I get where your coming from as well mate as if I had that kind of cash I would probably be in the same boat as you. It's a brutal addiction that I cant seem to shake all my mates have moved on in there own houses nice cars and lifes but I seem to be going nowhere as I result of the gambling ?
Sorry to hear this both of you. Let me ask you both question. Let us say you won 25K. would that stop the gambling? The money here is just the fuel for the engine. You gamble more biggunner because of the dopamine that comes out in your brain when you gamble. And the longer you gamble the more you will need before that dopamine gets you to the high that you need. Addiction maths is you need more of the same to get on with the high. The idea of this message is to get you to look at yourselves from a distance. If you ask yourself this. Do I do the same thing every week? And the answer is yes well then you have a routine that is anchored in your psyche. You need to do the same because you have worked the routine in. How you break it is to accept that this is a routine because the lies and s**t we tell ourselves to keep going simply catches up to all of us at some stage and when that reality then sets in. Well, then you have to deal with it regardless of how much has been broken along the way. It starts by communicating with the experts and realising the problem. Before that nothing, much does happen. We all reach rock bottom at some stage and then we change because we have to.
Best of luck to both of you in your recovery.
Thanks for posting. I can relate to you both in many ways. I want t say something about the money first. In some GA meetings I have attended members are discouraged from mentioning amounts of money; for the simple case of what has been demonstrated already above - that comparisons are made. This can be really dangerous because a gamblers mind will latch on to this straight away and think, 'oh, well clearly I am not that bad if he/she has done that and I've only done this' etc. For me personally, I am completely at a loss to understand my relation with money and for a gambler this is extremely worrying. Up until recently I worked in a supermarket as a customer delivery driver. The wages are low. I gambled my wages as soon as I got them. I was also left some inheritance when I lost my father. Some of that I have left in savings but most I have gambled. When my Mum died recently, a little more inheritance came my way and already I have started gambling that. I am therefore trying to make the point that money is pretty irrelevant actually, in my opinion. It is relative to what we have but more importantly it serves only as the tool needed to continue to gamble. People talk of nice cars, houses etc but a gambler would never buy those things while they are gambling. If they did, they could just as easily lose them if they didn't attend to the real root cause of gambling, which is emotional not financial. Biggunner, please see clearly that you absolutely will 100% lose your girlfriend if you continue to gamble. Don't let the illness of gambling try to convince you otherwise. This is the emotional part of the sickness as we will still try to convince ourselves that these things happen to others, but we will be ok etc. We won't. It's a great start to give your partner all the money and let her manage it for you both. Be honest, open and truthful with her about everything, not just your finances but your feelings especially. Together, you have a good chance of working through this illness, that's my personal feeling about it anyway reading between the lines of what you write. In the last few days with my addiction and craving to gamble probably the worst it's ever been, I am really in touch now with just was a totally emotionally crippling disease gambling is, and that is why I am taking it so seriously now. It's a huge fight at the moment because gambling is so in my head, but I have stopped and stayed stopped for over 7 and a half years before so I know I can do this again. If I don't, gambling will literally kill me. I pray that you can find a way to gain strength and understanding and apply it to your own circumstances so that you don't lose everything you have, and money is at the bottom of that list. Money is replaceable. Yes it hurts us so much when we lose and our negative inner critic kicks in and beats the hell out of us. But, you can replace money by earning it again. How easily can a loved one be replaced, be that a partner, a child a relative or a good friend? Thank YOU for reading. Stay safe friend, we deserve better. We are deserving. Simon 🙂
Hi Biggunner93,
It sounds like you are really struggling with your gambling at the moment. Please contact the helpline if you would like information and support on 0808 8020133. The helpline is open 24/4.
Best Wishes
Forum Admin
Simon Great post , absolutely hit it on the head , read my previous posts , i literally lost everything , bar my house , which i re mortgaged twice , my ex , my money , my mental health , my career [ was set for quite big things in ents world ] and i still went on . crazy , its not about money , it kills hope dreams , ambition , family , your self esteem . and sometimes you . it is the worst addiction . it really is . i hope i am allowed to say this .
Hi Biggunner and Welcome.
Yes that's the general story...it goes from bad to worse. Only the worse is every train stop to the depths of hell. I just feel Hell was invented to describe the feelings of a gambling addiction. Its got some things in store for you if you continue. Maybe you haven't imagined them yet but they are there ready and waiting.
Face your demons.... face this addiction. If you get off now you can replace chaos with order. You can get control of your life back and things do fall into place.
The answers are within you . What you seek is a peace of mind in this crazy world.
Gambling is not the answer to what you seek...It never was on those odds. They are not there to buy you a christmas. Nobody was ever offering you life changing odds on a no brainer decision...well not on odds you can consider possible. Its a random event stacked well against you and you became hooked like countless other people. Its a tax on hope.... a mugs game.
I used to delude myself that I could ride my losses with a credit card but its pure madness when you think about it. When you are gamble free you will have a rainy day fund. You are already a winner with any money in your pocket and a partner
You will take as real pride getting your life together. Yes easier said than done but when you are ready for a born again moment recovery is a journey you will want to go on. Its not that hard with the right blocks in place as your mind heals
Honesty and openness are your saviours. You need to be on a sandwich allowance as you do the cold turkey and you can never be complacent for the rest of your life...Do you understand? You will now start learning whats really important
Its about a serenity to make that information a positive statement that you are actually proud of
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
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