It's like an itch I have to scratch everyday, and it's making me ill

Regina

You beat your cancer and that is an amazing and positive thing to focus on. My wife currently has cancer and although she is still fighting the fight, the one thing that has inspired my gambling recovery is seeing her determination and positivity in everything she does.

The biggest psychological step you can make at this point is to recognise with sincerity that the money you have lost has gone. Draw a line. Trust me, with time you can forget about those losses, recover your financial position and move on with your life. But this will not happen until you genuinely accept the losses have gone. The most dangerous thing you can do at the moment is kid yourself into thinking there is a way to win it all back. You will only make things worse. You need to stop now and there are many people on this forum including GamCare themselves who can provide you with the practical support to assist you in stopping for good.

It may not seem it now but you have a lot of positive energies you can focus on to help you here. You beat Cancer - amazing. You've only recently started gambling. Hopefully this means you are not hard wired into this addiction and with a bit of concentration and discipline you should be able to nip this problem in the bud before it overtakes you. Use the time you would gamble to find more constructive things to do, even if it is just going for a walk around your local area. 

You can so do this!

Thank you MythDunk,  I hope your wife makes a good recovery,  I know how hard it can be at times to stay positive, but she's lucky to have you by her side.  Everything you say makes perfect sense, and at the back of my mind I know I'll never win that money back I've lost.  Luckily I can afford to make payments each month to clear it, hopefully without my partner knowing about it.  It's just unfortunate he wouldn't understand, so it's something I have to try and hide from him.  I think that's why I've come to this site,  I need to off load it all, and just writing it all down has made me feel a little better,  thanks again

Thanks for your kind words Regina. 

There is always eternal debate on these forums as to whether as part of the recovery process you should tell your partner or not. I think in general it is always better to tell than not however it has to be accepted that everyone's personal circumstances are different and there will be occasions when telling a loved one will make no positive difference.

In your case, if you feel you can do this and recover your financial situation without the need to tell your partner then that is a choice you can make. But you only have that luxury if you can keep yourself on the straight and narrow and do not gamble anymore.

Each day you can get through without contributing any of your personal savings to the bookies then the better you should feel about yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back each night for not putting any further funds at risk.

Keep it going and before you know it, you'll be a week free, then a month, then two months, etc...

Good morning MythDunk,   Hope you're having a good day today.  I feel so much better today than I have in weeks.  Yesterday I took a self exclusion from the gaming site I'm addicted to for six months, I also told my partner what I'd done, but still haven't told him how much I owe,  I think I can handle that side of things and him knowing would only add fuel to the fire.  We both play on the same site, but he's got loads of control,  he may spend 20quid a month, which is fine, but I'm the reckless one with no willpower whatsoever.  But doing this, I feel like I've turned a corner, and I can't wait for pay day to treat myself to something I can actually hold in my hands, even if it's something simple like a new book, at least I'll have something to show for my money.  

I really hope this feeling lasts