Hello,
My name is Alison and I've just joined. It is my husband who is the gambler but it has affected the whole family. It's just over a year ago that I found out about it. He owed £15,000. He is self employed so couldn't get a loan to pay it off. I have had to get the loan instead. I said I would go with him to counselling or something but he wouldn't hear of it. He promised that it had all stopped and I believed him.I came home from work early one day 2 months ago and caught him out. He said it was only £20 or so - not like before. He only gambles on the horses - I think! I think he's depressed as this all escalated when his Dad died of a heart attack in front of him. He tried to resuscitate him until the paramedics arrived. His Mum can't cope without him so we've had her to sort out as well. Plus my husband who has never ailed anything in his life was told 6 months ago that he has Type 2 Diabetes. I told him that I would only stay with him if he would get help for the gambling. He agreed but shows no signs of doing so. It was me that went to my doctor to get help. Not sure what to do next. I can't force him to seek help.
Dear Alison I'm glad that you are trying to get some help. It's hard but advice is you shouldn't pay their debt. Don't get anymore loans for him. Call the helpline, go to a gamanon meeting if you can. You will gain knowledge and get support. My husband suffers depression too. At 47 he's finally agreeing it needs to stop, I can't count the amount of loans etc. Keep your money separate, no joint account. There are online blocks you can download onto phones, tablets, pc. Can you control his account? Handing over finance can help. Maybe he needs some help for his grief? If he's not at rock bottom he won't see the gambling as a problem, especially if his debts are paid. Sounds like there are lots of things to cope with. Keep talking and post on here.
Hello Alison,
I agree with merry go round in that you probably shouldn't help him out with money but i can only speak from the view of being a CG. It's great that you're standing by him and helping him out but i think he needs to show he's helping himself by maybe attending counselling or seeing the doctor.
I asked my parents for help with money but they declined and I'm so glad they didn't because the money i now pay back is a constant reminder and one i need because the last thing i want to do is increase the money i pay out toward my debts.
Conradnose
www.conradnose.com
Thank you Merry Go Round and Conradnose for your supportive advice! It's lovely to be able to chat to people who understand. I'll definitely keep posting and reading on here. And who knows - I might be able to help someone else a bit too?
Hi Alison
From what you've said, he doesn't want to stop. Making the right noises gets you off his back and that's what he's doing. You can't make him stop or look for help but you can draw your lines in the sand and refuse to let him cross them. You are taking on the stress and worry and debt that's rightfully his.
Standard advice is that he should be handing over access to and control of his finances. You need to establish the true extent of the debt via credit reports from all three agencies (check your own too). You can't trust a word he says so don't without seeing proof for yourself.
Read up on the addiction, get support from wherever you deem appropriate and put yourself and your interests first every single time. All the time he's gambling you are the only one who will.
Hello Alison56
Welcome to the forum. There is some great advice here from other members. Problem gambling can put a great strain on relationships and it sounds like you have all been through a lot as a family. There is help and support here for you Alison there is the Gamcare helpline where you can speak with an adviser it may help to talk things through and get some support for yourself. Advisers will listen to your concerns and can give you further information about counselling available to you. It’s free and there are services across the UK and up to 12 sessions are available to you or your husband.
The helpline Freephone number is 0808 8020 133. You can also contact helpline advisers through the net line. We are open 8am –midnight every day.
http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/frontline-services/netline
Please also find some guidelines and information here for partners family and friends. http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/partners-friends-and-family
Keep posting we are here to support you
Take care
Forum admin
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
