Hi,
I have been gambling for about 10years It started as a bit of fun.I went on the slots after a bingo game and won,I put it in my pocket and left. The next time I was there it happened again.I won put it in my pocket and left. The time after I lost all my wages because i thought i could win if i just kept playing. Its been like that ever since.
I have lied to everyone I love. I have stolen from my family. I have become a horrible person.
Last weekend I blew almost 5k of my partners money on online slots. He was aware of my gambling from the start and has tried to help but I crossed a line with him when it was his money i used.
He told me to leave and i didn't blame him at all. I begged him not to make me leave and iam now staying i am releived to say.I love that man so much and i hate that i have hurt him and lost his trust.I know it will take a lot of work to get it back.
In some ways i wish he had got angry before, he always bailed me out which meant i could do it again.
This time i have taken some proper measures to put barriers in my way. I have used Gamstop so i cant go onto gambling sites my partner has my bank card and i have had to tell him everyone i owe money to which was awful.He gives me just enough money each day for what i need.
If anyone has any thoughts on other things i can do i would appreciate it as i never want to feel the way i did last week again
Get yourself to a gamblers anonymous meeting and keep going back.
Hi Lya
First of all well done for admitting youre addicted and reaching out for help. K2 is right get to a GA meeting if you can and fast.Im excluded from gambling online and from betting shops. i dont know if you can get exclusion from bingo halls but feel sure others on here could advise you. Theres also netline telephone number where people better qualified than me can advise you.
There are many CGs that have lied to and betrayed the trust of loved ones. Addiction turns ordinary people into toxic,poisonous people who continue on the path of chasing money that we are never going to get back. Until we realise that there is little chance of recovery.
As far as trust, well its a long hard road earning it back. The simple truth is the only chance we have of earning it back is to find the strength and determination to refrain from gambling. I dont exagerate when i say had our roles been reversed and my wife had been the gambler i would have sent her packing 10 years ago yet she has chosen to give me another chance. Right now its MAKE YOUR MIND UP TIME for me. Am i going to betray her trust and continue on the path of destruction or realise what i am, what are my weaknesses and perhaps embrace the opportunity of a life free from addiction and destruction.
I wont lie recovery is a long hard road where you have days you havent gambled feeling elated, then for no apparent reason youll have strong urges telling yourself maybe im not addicted, maybe just one last flutter but trust me this is just Satan whispering in your ear. Finding the strength to say no is a vital part of getting better.
You will have highs and lows whilst fighting this addiction on the one hand being proud youve got through another day without gambling on the other hand being perhaps a little resentful of the fact someone else has control of the finances and being constantly answerable to what little money you have had and what youve spent it on. Good medicine never tastes sweet.
If you succeede in refraining as time goes on the real awakening will come and thoughts of gambling are replaced by thoughts of what youve done, the hurt youve caused others, guilt and self loathing.This is where im at right now but people here who have supported me for so long tell me these thoughts will pass and to be honest i havent done so badly trusting them so far. Looking in the mirror and seeing what you became isnt easy at all.
On a more positive note these are the things that have kept me going.
1 In the morning im not afraid of the postman coming with the statement of losses
2 Im no longer afraid of my wife looking at my bank statement
3 Another day that doesnt begin with a pack of lies in order to conceal yesterdays losses
4 Satisfaction that the bookmakers or exchanges no longer own me
5 Im a better example to my children and grandchildren now than ive been in years.
6 The ability to identify trigger points Like xmas when i didnt have much money thinking umm just 1 win and i could buy a nice present for my wife.
THE FINAL SUMMARY. Stopping is so hard but after 183 gamble free days if anyone asked me if my life is better or worse than 6 months ago i would have to say much better.The only problem for me is as i look away from temptation i look towards myself and god its ugly.
Good Luck In Recovery
AL
Hi Lya, welcome to the site & well done for actually finding your way here, it takes guts to seek help!
Echo the advice from the 2 above but yep, get yourself excluded from the bingo too...I know Gala & Mecca do it in house on your member details.
Try not to focus too much on what your partner did or didn’t do in the past...That is just addiction trying to pass the blame. There is support here on the forum, as well as the net & phonelines if he needs to “talk” as well as GamAnon meetings & counselling services for both of you if either are minded. My now husband has decided against all for the time being although I do subject him to some of the stuff that I think will benefit him & knows it is there if he needs it.
As much as you need to earn his trust back, you will need to figure out how to forgive yourself because although this feels very much like a financial problem it is, something isn’t right inside you that has enabled you to carry on gambling when you know you don’t have the means to do so. GA/counselling can help you address this & get your addiction under control...Just stopping in easy, staying stopped takes an awful lot of effort & determination but my life too is infinitely better now I don’t gamble anymore - ODAAT
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