Hi
I am new to the site and have found reading other people's stories and experiences such a relief, as although I feel awful saying that (as I don't want other people suffering with this addiction the way I am), it helps to know all the feelings I have are similar to other people's and I am not on my own.
I started gambling almost 3 years ago and like many others, I started with small bets and didn't gamble every day. Jump forward almost 3 years and I gamble every day that I possibly can, and can lose over £1000 a week sometimes. I play online roulette mostly, and now when I watch the wheel spinning round for hours on end, I think to myself WHY am I doing this? It's such a waste of time, money and energy. Often I will stay up all night to try and recoup losses and then end up shattered and facing a full day at work with no sleep. Once I start though, I simply cannot stop.
Last month I had a real winning streak and ended up winning and withdrawing over £12,000. I told myself to stop while I was ahead, I was delighted that I could pay off some of my debt. Yet of course I didn't stop and I've now lost all those winnings and more on top. I am now in a lot of debt (credit cards and 2 loans). This has really been my wake up call.
I am so deeply ashamed and feel so lonely. I haven't told anyone about my gambling, so I have no one to turn to. My family are successful in their careers and personal lives and I know they will be immensly shocked if I tell them. I'm not sure I can face their disappointment.
Calling the gamcare helpline will be my next step. It's now midnight, so too late to call 🙁 Must do it another day to try and get some advice and suggestions on how to stop and where to go from here.
Thanks for reading this.
Hi Bowwow
You will need to tell your family. They can help you with your recovery.They will be shocked, angry, disappointed. After the initial shock though, I am sure they will want to help you. You are going to need help to recover from the addiction, so this is a must do.
GA and/or counselling are the 2 options you will have. GA are very ordinary people like you and me, who have an addiction to gambling. Their experiences with how they have dealt with the challenges that you will now face are invaluable.
Since you are an online gambler, you should install some gambling blocker software ( K9 ). The details of which are available under the GET ADVICE heading at the top of this page.
Do not borrow any more money to pay off any of your existing debts. This will spiral out of control if you do. Pay off the debts that you have, as you are able to. Don't try and pay off more than you can afford each month. Allow yourself money to live, otherwise you will put too much pressure on yourself, and you might then turn to gambling again for a quick buck.
I loathed myself when I was gambling, but after about 9 or so months off the punt I came to like myself again. You will too, given time. Shame and embarrassment are very natural emotions, don't be too hard on yourself however, else they can prevent you asking for the help that you are going to need.
If you can come to some form of acceptance that the money you have gambled is gone forever, it will be easier for you to not gamble. Chasing losses is what I, and most CGs do, and it's also the reason that most of us are in debt.
You can do everything else in life that is available to you except for this one thing. You can never have a single bet again. Just one bet can start you on that rollercoaster of self destruction that we all know so well.
Life is good without gambling. I am in debt but I am happy. You can be too 🙂
Take care
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All I will add is that while other people often seem to have "perfect" lives, it is rarely the case. Gambling addiction can happen to anyone, no matter how successful their lives appear to be.
Thanks very much for your replies. I've called the helpline this evening and have some idea now of organisations that can help me, with my debt problems and hopefully counselling. I'll keep you posted with my progress.
Hi Bowwow
I feel your pain, I really do. I've been on this site for 3 weeks now and what has really helped me if writing a daily recovery diary. It's a place to be honest and get a much needed boost from others who understand. This is not an easy addiction to beat but I do believe it can be done. I was like you, hooked on roulette and staying up all night to recoup and then lost it all. We cannot stop so we can never, ever EVER win.
Install some blocker software too. I did and in my one moment of weakness it really worked and blocked any actions I tried to take.
One day at a time dear friend.
Blue
Thanks Blue, I will certainly think about starting a recovery diary.
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