My Intro ... please help

Hi Jax,

I'm sorry you find yourself in this position. If it's any consolation I've been in that situation too, read around the forum and hundreds of others share your story too.

It's like a sliding scale of misery tho - gambling compulsively is a 100% surefire way to eventually reach rock-bottom. Everyone's 'rock bottom' is personal to them, but it shares the common denominator of ending up being as bad as you can feel a human being.

I don't know where you are on that scale. 10k isn't that much in the scheme of things. In 5 years you could be reading back your thread here and WISHING it was only 10k! Dig? So stop now.

I can't give financial advice BUT - I was 15k in debt back in 2011 almost exclusively due to gambling on roulette. What saved me is a DRO - Debt Relief Order. It costed (costs still) £90 and all my debts were wiped after 6 years.

What that allowed me was a clean start at life - note what I'm saying - a clean start at LIFE. NOT a clean slate at gambling! I had to finally realise I personally had a problem with roulette (and it took about 7years leading up to the DRO). But thank god I did, and the relief of being free from debt has allowed me to let go my past and start again.

This is my advice based on what worked for me. (Although I had a reminder £500 relapse on Sunday so maybe I shouldn't be so complacent). However, my advice to you is sincere.

*edit. Gambling addiction is a dirty little secret - so if you're sincere about wanting to quit then blow it out the water and be honest with the people you respect/love, so they can help you when you next feel tempted. (However, where I will disagree with a lot of posters here is I don't think it's helpful to shout it from the rooftops to all and sundry as part of a GA cult thing, or admit you are powerless over it like some big whining baby, because sometimes that does more harm than good.)

This is only my opinion.

Find your own path that works for you J.

Best wishes,

Max

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply Max it really does help. I am extremeley determined to get a grip on it and i think im slowly moving in the right direction but i cant afford any fallbacks because as you said i know it will only get alot worse. Im so happy you've found something that works, just out of curiosity can you elaborate a little bit on what its like finally being debt free? i wish you all the best , thanks so much

Hi again j12, I have just replied to you on my post. It's great that like the rest of us you are finally stepping up to the challenge of being gf. Do go in and self exclude yourself from the bookies and install GAMSTOP to stop you gambling online. Like you I kind of always hoped I would win enough to pay off my debts, but let's face it, that's never going to happen, and if we did, would we just gamble that away too, I know if I'm honest I would, I was never happy till I lost everything when sadly it was a strange kind of sickening relief not to have any money left to do it. For me that's how bad it gets, then the worry and self loathing starts. Like mad max I believe you need to find someone you trust to talk to and open up about your gambling and debts, it will really help. Keep in touch and well done you for making this vital start x

Hi Jax,

Just wanted to say well done on coming here and sharing your journey so far.

I too am a cg. I am 103 days gf.

You say you wanted to win big enough to clear your debt. I’m here to say even if you won you may clear that debt but as a cg (I should know as I have walked this path) you would spend / gamble the rest of the win and end up in a worse position. My big win was a catalyst in my addiction and solved nothing.

My advise would be to put all the blocks in place. Gamstop was a god send to me as my vice was online. I spoke to StepChange and now I am in a dmp. I also have weekly counselling sessions. These are free via Gamcare.

I don’t want a clean slate re the money at the min. I say this because it is a constant reminder of how bad I let this addiction grip me. For me the dmp grounds me. It’s a constent awareness of where I put myself and my family. A place I never want to go back to.

I have been lucky in many respects. My partner has stood by me. However, my brother who I was close to (but I stole from) has disowned me. Just another reminder of the person I let myself become.

There is no quick fix but all I can say is despite me being in the early stage of a very long and winding recovery life is better gamble free. Only wish I had noted this some time ago. Your debt seems large to you but trust me with the right blocks in place you could make a dint in that in no time. I’m sure you will. Believe in yourself.

Sarah

Thanks for your comments Jacky and Sarah it really helps and congratulations Sarah on being 103 days gf what a great achieviement! Keep up the good work im looking into the counselling session as i think these will be a great help aswell , i wish you both the very best of luck and a wonderful happy future x

Hi Jax

I read your post and wanted to just come and offer some support, you have taken the hardest step and admitted you have a problem and you have a chance to stop gambling now with support and help. I have gambled for 22 years and have lost everything and ended up in prison for fraud to fund my habit. I hit my rock bottom at that point but the way I look at it once you hit the bottom the only way is up.

Keep posting on here and tackle it one day at a time and keep busy as much as you can I now walk or go into town and just look round the shops and I took up knitting again in prison and currently making a blanket for my new house when I finally get it. I find cleaning the house helps anything to keep myself busy. I will be following your journey. X

Thanks Darkside im sorry the situation got that bad for you but am hoping you are doing well now! i think that you have a very good point just have to take one day at a time and each day then can be a little win in not gambling which will then help towards my future , i hope you are doing well and wish you the very best .... im sure you blanket looks beautiful 🙂 x

Quick update , feeling positive manged to ring a few of the debt collection companies and explain i will be restarting my DMP in February so they are putting my accounts on hold until it starts , very relieved to do this as letters stop (which i am always worried about) and im always scared to call them as im worried they will take me to court but they seem happy to wait for now . Thanks again for the help guys all the best x

Keep Moving forward J12. It sounds like you're in a really positive place at the minute, so well done! I stopped gambling because of the person I became! I had no time for my kids or my wife, to the point where my kids told their teachers that all Daddy does is look at his phone! That was me gambling away, ignoring them and losing vital family time.

I dont want look back on my life and realise how much Ive missed just because i wanted to win some cash. The sad part is that I never really won anything and in your case gambling to clear debt is not the way forward and i think deep down you know its not the answer. It will eat you up and throw away the key, all you're doing is feeding the rich fat cats who wipe their noses with your hard earned cash, acting like they care! Anyway sorry for the rant.

Keep up the good work and make sure you talk to people close to you about it, let them help. Good Luck.

j12 wrote:

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply Max it really does help. I am extremeley determined to get a grip on it and i think im slowly moving in the right direction but i cant afford any fallbacks because as you said i know it will only get alot worse. Im so happy you've found something that works, just out of curiosity can you elaborate a little bit on what its like finally being debt free? i wish you all the best , thanks so much

Hi Jax,

I can't give you a simple answer. On the one hand it feels great to be debt free; on the other hand it's a scary prospect ongoing because I 'cheated' in the sense that I went for a DRO and got all my debts written off, so some would say I never had to face up to the consequences of my actions. What is undeniable though is being debt free allows me to have a second chance at living humbly and correctly. If I blow that, then I don't expect anyone - least of all myself - to give me a third chance, and it's that fear I use to remind myself next time I think what is more important? Is my greed, or my need for a dopamine fix, or my selfishness more important than my self-respect, the people I love who have given me a second chance and invested emotionally their love in me. I'm not even joking - if you get to that low point, it's as serious as that.

I've been in therapy this past year for anxiety issues unrelated to gambling (pre-dating/post-dating gambling issues) so I like to think I've got a certain level only of self-awareness now, enough to say, I realise how lucky I am that my gambling issue was limited to 'Casino' type bets, and how being debt free is not a permenant state!!! At the drop of a hat/card/keystroke given the right/wrong set of circumstances because I can't stop I'd suddenly be back into ££££££ worth of debt.

It's a hard thing to accept that I/we have an uncontrollable compulsion towards something, that we are not in control of our own minds when it comes to it. I don't know about you, but for me that is a very frightening and troubling thing to accept. But hopefully I have.

Honestly mate, if you're cool enough to have posted here in the first place, then you are cool enough to realise you must stop. To carry on - that way madness lies. Bought the t-shirt, wrote the book. Trust me on that!

Best wishes to you.

Max