Since my teenage years I have played slots. Never a great deal of money lost but the urge has been there a while. I am 30 and my partner of 5 years does not know anything about my gambling.
A couple of years ago I responded to an email offering 100% cash match bonus and joined an online casino. I won and lost very small amounts - I only really played to pass the time during boring hours at work (or so I believed).
The wins (when they came have gotten greater and greater over the years and at Christmas time (2013) I won 1800. This was fantastic and it made for an excellent new year for my partner and I and I explained the money by claiming I received a substantial Christmas bonus (lying!!).
Since the win the urge to get big wins has been uncontrollable - I earn a modest amount each month and will play slots with everything I have not set asside for bills. Over the past 7 months I have had several wins of several thousand pounds however I cannot resist the urge to push for more (and lose it all) or withdraw it all and then reverse the withdrawal and lose it all. No amount of winning seems to satisfy and I cannot stop until it has all gone.
Friday (just gone) I got paid and immediately structured my money according to my outgoings for the month. The rest I planned to withdraw as cash and budget for myself. However on Saturday night I hit a new low and lost every penny in a quest to win more.
My problem starts with hunting the win, then quickly becomes a game of chasing losses before I lose it all and get depressed.
I don't know what triggers my gambling as I live a very happy life, I have a loving partner, a great car, a good job and lots of nice things and people around me - but I just cannot control the urge even though every month I KNOW before I gamble that I will be financially better off if I don't!
If anyone can relate I would love to hear from you. Similar stories on here have led me to share.
I also wanted to add to my story (above) that my uncle is an alcoholic. It has ruined his life and many people around him have suffered significantly. This has led me to not ever want to drink alcohol and I don't. I always have diet coke and nominate myself the designated driver because I have seen what my uncle's problem did to him.
I don't know why I can see that problem and do something about it so easily but I cannot stop gambling and help myself??
Hi Upyagala,
Welcome to our Forum and thank you for sharing your story with us.
I can hear that you feel as though your gambling initially started in your teens as you said but was triggered in the recent years due to boredom but question if it is indeed just a way to pass time.
I also get a sense that you are struggling to cope with the overwhelming urge to gamble, keeping it a secret from your partner, and feeling confused - taking a reflective stance in trying to understand why you gamble despite being in a loving relationship and being content.
It’s great that you felt comfortable enough to share your experience with gambling so well done. You’ll find it is helpful reading and receiving support from other people in similar situations to yourself and information on how they have overcome their problematic gambling. I would also invite you to start an online diary perhaps which can be useful to document your recovery and provides a safe support space to express your thoughts and feelings.
Should you want to speak to a GamCare Adviser you are welcome to come through on our Freephone helpline on 0808 8020 133 or come through on a Netline call. We are open from 8AM to 12 Midnight daily.
Warm regards,
Saffron
Hi Saffron,
I spend a large amount of time wondering why I do it and yes, the urge to gamble is overwhelming and I do lie in order to create time to gamble (online). The reason I gamble is proving extremely difficult to find as I have never had any significant loss or trauma to deal with. I like the idea of keeping a diary and I will be starting mine from day 2.
Hi Upyagala.
This story feels like mine (although I have lost a significant amount of money).
What I can say is that if you haven't lost a lot its only a matter of time before you do. When I started online slots a year ago I won over 10,000 in a week. I own a business that does well so it wanst a case of needing the money, it was chasing the win I think. Anyway long story short a year later im probably down 80/90,000 and this has hurt me, my partner, my credit rating etc etc. Yes its a lot of money but its all relative to what your income is. To some people 3000 could finish them off.. sorry what im trying to say is that it will only be a matter of time before you do lose big and when it does it hurts like crazy.. try to stop it before it gets that bad. Wishing you the best of luck.
Mike
Hi Tigermike,
Thanks for your input it's appreciated. It puts it in to perspective for me knowing that you lost so much. I tend not to be running up debt with my gambling but that's not to say I do not have debt - I do tend to spend what I have though. I am interested to know how you are going about getting away from the habit?
Hi Upyagala,
Your story is very similar to mine. I have just lost a substantial amount of money this weekend and when I did the sums of what I lost in the last 6 months, it came to 17,000.
Like you, I have a happy life, have a good circle of friends, great social life, have a loving partner, I don't pay rent, I have my own properties outside the UK. I was financially stable until my gambling set me back and now I had to go to the bank to get a loan to consolidate the small loan i had been taken last week plus using up all of my credit cards in one night! It was a horrible thing to happen. Especially as I know I have always been sensible with my money.
Gambling has eaten me whole, the buzz and the excitement i got out of it was unexplainable, but the loss has given me the red and a big big shock that I do not ever want to happen again.
As a result of my big loss, i have self excluded from the gambling sites.
I am now focusing on paying my debt and of course to restore the trust from my partner who was devastated when he found out.
I committed to myself and to my partner I will never gamble again. It was a difficult thing to say at that time because i was still thinking I could always go back to recover my losses, but now I feel great about having expressed it! And of course I intend to keep that promise.
I hope you are able to tell yourself to stop completely before you lose the amount of money I lost.
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