Hello, newbie here with my story and somewhat of a first step to stop my addiction.
I had a friend many years ago who was a gambling addict, I used to look down on him and think ‘what a looser’ why would anyone waste there money like he does. He even stole from me one time and was forever borrowing money and finding ways to get more money for gambling….at that time the most I was willing to loose was maybe £1 on a scratch card once in a blue moon if that. That was some 10 years ago.
Fast forward to 5 years ago (2010) and I joined the Royal Navy, a great career I thought which would set me up for life. During training at the naval base there was a bar for social occasions, next to the bar was a room full of fruit machines, there must have been at least 20 packed into a room no bigger than a public toilet. My mates from training would buy drinks and then chuck a few quid in the machines, before I knew it I was joining in gambling just a few quid here and there, but with not much else to do on the base and not much entertainment I slowly became a more frequent player on the fruit machines, as the weeks passed I started to feel uncomfortable of the amount of time we would be spending in there, but yet I was being drawn in each time. It became a social activity. A further few weeks later and we got some shore leave and one friend who was a fellow fruit machine player suggested we went to the bookies so he could play roulette on the machines, I had never played it in my life and he placed a few quid on a few numbers and he won £72 with one spin, I was amazed after pumping £20/£30 in fruit machines to possibly win the jackpot of £35. I had to try these amazing machines I remember thinking.
As the months went by I slowly ditched the fruit machines and was hooked on roulette, to the point where I was spending all of my wage on them, then came the introduction of payday loans, my credit history was clean as a whistle so I was getting multiple loans from upto 7 lenders at a time, my debt started to spiral out of control, I became depressed and the only thing that stopped it was when I was in my bubble on the machines, nothing else mattered when I was playing. A year later and my naval career had come to an abrupt end. Kicked out for being irresponsible and I had told the Navy about my addiction and how it started from that room with the machines. None of that mattered.
In 2012 some months after being forced out of the navy I was only gambling what I could get my hands on, then my older brother was brutally murdered and I sank again, I sold everything I had that was worth value, I stole money from friends and family, I lied, I cheated, anything to get money for gambling. I have now been a addicted since that day I put my first pound in that machine in 2010. I’m 32 now and my life has never been the same, I am under a debt relief order and have nothing, I tried to attend GA meetings but I felt it was like a god related cult, it was not for me, I told my doctor but no help ever materialised, I called Gamcare and a woman rang me back some days later but then told me I couldn’t get help just now as she was not allocated to my area and for me to call Gamcare back but it was hard enough the first time to actually take the plunge and find help so I fobbed it off and never called back.
There have been some very dark moments when I have lost a month’s wage in hours and wanted to end my pathetic life, I thought of all the different ways to do it but in the end I never did, I was too much of a coward to even take my own life. I still gamble today and each time I loose I say “right this is it, NO MORE, I am never doing this again now” that is until I get money again and I seem to ignore my own advice. I have tried all the self-excluding from shops, but there are multiple towns so I end up going further out to gamble, I have tried self-excluding from on-line casinos but there are literally thousands of sites for gambling.
What next I don’t know, I don’t gamble to the point where I want to end things anymore because now I just don’t care, I get a numb feeling, as if the £500 I just lost didn’t even matter, I used to get angry and upset but now nothing but numbness when it happens….”I’ll not gamble anymore now I have lost this” are my famous last words.
So what I want to know is from people on here that have stopped, how? And what did you do to stop?
Hello and welcome to the forum
Everyone will tell you a million different stories of how they stopped and what made them stop and each one will be different.
Me personally I used the anger that I had towards myself for wasting my life and money and the anger towards gambling, the system and the bookies and tried to turn it into something else..... So I now everyday spend 20 minutes searching new sites emailing them and self excluding before I get a chance to fall back into setting new accounts up and playing. I have emailed the big bookmakers expressing my fury about how they failed me and other people and prey on the vunrable during our illness..... Being a gambling addict is an illness and I would defy anyone to say that isn't. I have even gone as far as to email the prime minster telling him in a polite way what a massive c**k he is for being so lenient with gaming rules. As I explained a heroin addict can't stop taking herion there addicted they get methadone and rehab..... What's our methadone? Why do we have to trawl round every bookies self excluding one by one, sending emails.... WHERE'S OUR SUPPORT!
I have taken stock of my finances and looked at what exactly I think I have spent well I could have bought at least two little propertys out right for buy to let (which was always my dream)
What we need to always remember is WE ARE NEVER EVER GOING TO WIN..... The reason for this is no win is ever going to be enough ultimatly because we cannot stop. I've been on the slots won £1000 on one spin.... brilliant so why did I then set autoplay an carry on. Because I am ill.
I log in this forum everyday instead of a gaming website and so far that's worked for me. My mum, husband and gran know and I hope one day I could tell my closest friends but I'm not quite ready for that. I want stay free from gambling as my passion now would be to help others.... I have to draw a line under the money I lost and the time I wasted and I feel I could make up for that by helping others.
Trust me please that if you stop gambling today your finances will improve, you will have a few extra pounds for a pint on a friday or a meal out. It does get better.
Is there something you like to do other than gambling or a particular place you like to go to that you haven't been to? If so any extra money save for that a baked bean tin with a label on it of what your saving for everytime I put money in my that gives me a boost... I AM GOING TO BEAT THIS.
You too my lovely are going to overcome this terrible illness. As I said I wanted to buy and rent houses out I can't do that now I must instead find another goal, aim, dream.
I am sorry if you feel I have rambled on.
Lots of Love and Peace to you.
You can do this
xx
Thank you for replying, I've just called my doctors now and got an appointment today. What I'll say I don't know.
I've been paid today and I finished a night shift this morning and I've blown all of it. I've been down to my last £20 twice and won just over more then my wage was and I've carried on and now I've just about managed to not blow my bus fare. I've been up all night and I don't know if that exacerbated the situation or not. I seriously need help and fast, I've money to pay out today, bills to pay and I've do it again.
I have lots of dreams yes but I can't see past gambling right now.
What's makes this worse is I am a support worker, I should be strong and supportive but I just seem to P**s on my own chips.
I will let you know how the docs go but I'm ashamed to even tell them.
Don't be ashamed to tell them..... Tell them the whole speaking to someone face to face may help you. Just be brutally honest and be ashamed to ask for help.
We are all here for you and please let me know how it goes.
xxx
Hi electro dreams, I am new to this site also and I am on day 2 of no gambling, just read through your posts and I hope all goes well at your doctors appointment 🙂
Hello Electrodreams and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that your previous appointment for counselling through GamCare didn't work out. Please do give us another call and we'll refer you again. In the meantime, thank you for joining the forum. You are already getting support from other forum members and it can help a lot to keep checking in here. You could start a recovery diary to mark your milestones and record your feelings on your recovery journey.
You mention that you have self excluded from online sites but there are always more. If you have a look at our website: http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do#.Vcb_-flViko
There are a lot of suggestions there including blocking software (for phones as well as PCs) and contacting your internet and mobile providers.
You can call us again on 0808 8020 133. We're here from 8am to midnight every day.
Thanks again for joining the forum.
Deirdre
Forum Admin.
Hi, Electrodreams,
Sorry to hear that you're struggling.
I'm from the other side of the fence so don't have mindset but I do know about barriers. And barriers are key, without them you end up relying on will power. And the bitter experience on this forum is that will power won't stop you gambling. So look again, hard, at barriers.
It's much easier to get someone else to look after your finances. Also telling someone close to you makes you more accountable, gambling thrives on secrecy.
If you have to do it yourself, then I suggest the following. Presumably your wages are paid into your bank? Open an instant saver with a cash card not a visa. Ditch your Visa card altogether so that you can't deposit. Move your living expenses into the instant saver by direct debit that comes out of your current account on pay day and ask to set a low withdrawal limit. At the same time, set up DDs for priorities, ie, utilities and rent, again to come out on pay day. But whatever you do, don't leave any money in a current account with a Visa card.
If you're paid in cash then the main thing would be to get it into the bank before you gamble, no easy answers. Once it's in the bank, use DDs to pay priorities and move the rest into a cash card account.
If your phone is a temptation then ditch it for a non Internet version. Drastic but it would work. (I am too old to have an image to maintain, so I have no qualms about suggesting this).
Self exclude permanently from all websites, I recommend snail mail to head offices for this. Tell them your name, postal and email addresses, account number, date of birth, say you want to permanently self exclude and they should not contact you again by any means for any purpose. Unsubscribe from marketing emails (I have sent out letters as above in response to marketing communications). Self exclude from local bookies.
You will need help and encouragement to do all this, back to GA and counselling. It might work better now you are committed to stopping, give it another chance?
Wish you well,
CW
I didn't go to the doctors I'm afraid, I needed to sleep after a night shift.
I've just called that helpline again and to be honest I'm not to pleased. Not only did she not take my number I couldn't understand her and she seemed somewhat patronising when I trod to explain that I'd called before and was given the wrong area for a referral. All she took was my postcode.
Are there any free blocking softwares as they seem to charge.
Can you take some harsh but well intentioned comments?
It's not GA's fault nor your GP's fault nor GamCare's fault that counselling and support hasn't worked out for you yet. It's your choice to dodge them, find fault, blame them. If it's them, it can't be you.
Too tired to attend an appointment you didn't really want to go to in the first place? I hope you cancelled it, someone else might have had to wait when it wasn't necessary.
Take responsibility for your own actions. CGs in recovery do. Join them.
Wish you well.
CW
Hi electrodreams.
1) re free blocker there is one you can download for free for a 28 day trial called TxNogam (google it) . This is for PC's / laptops etc (windows). download & install it (choose the never allowed to uninstall option)
2) if you use your smartphone to gamble sell it / ditch it. get a very basic non-internet phone.
3) if you still have debit cards / credit cards that you can use online report them lost in the first instance, to get them cancelled. Try to get a basic account e.g. barclays or co-op bank, just with a cashpoint card (no debit card facility). If in the meantime new cards arrive destroy them & bin them, you can get cash from your bank with ID. Live with cash for a while, i.e. no electronic access to funds, equals no ability to gamble online. They don't give credit !!!
4) is there someone close you can trust with your cash ? if so ask them to look after it for you & give you say £10 / day for food etc.
5) persevere with gamcare maybe get other help as well ? Google ' gordon moody ' this is intensive help for gamblers usually residential . I feel you need serious help here.
6) stop gambling! stop thinking about it, no imaginary bets etc. You won't win anyway, especially not in your current state, you've no chance. Whatever you do win (if you win) will just be bet back to fuel your addiction. Start respecting yourself & valuing money again. if you have any spare, buy a few nice things with it.
7) go back to GA ! Nothing is perfect ! there may be god-botherers in the room but right now you need help, the best qualified people to help you are recovering compulsive gamblers, and the GA rooms are full of them! focus on the recovery part, they talk of a 'higher power' that can just be the better, non-gambling side of you.
8) get to a point in your head where you will feel happy inside by NOT gambling each day; it feels to me that currently you are reversed in your psychology, i.e. you currently idealise gambling as an activity, despite all the harm it's done you - IT'S RUINED YOUR LIFE - for you to be healthy you should idealise NOT gambling each day to be healthy.
Hi dreams,
This post really hit home. I can relate to so many points you have made. From gambling for no reason but to loose, to self excluding from shops in the town however moving to the next town to stake a bet. Like any drug I suppose there is always a way to get a fix and I can certainly say I have done this.
I really wish you well with your recovery. I am on day one again after relapsing. Time to get back on the horse and stop again. Any days gained from not gambeling should be credited. Once again very best of luck.
Cynical wife wrote:
Can you take some harsh but well intentioned comments?
It's not GA's fault nor your GP's fault nor GamCare's fault that counselling and support hasn't worked out for you yet. It's your choice to dodge them, find fault, blame them. If it's them, it can't be you.
Too tired to attend an appointment you didn't really want to go to in the first place? I hope you cancelled it, someone else might have had to wait when it wasn't necessary.
Take responsibility for your own actions. CGs in recovery do. Join them.
Wish you well.
CW
CW, I am not blaming anyone for my actions other then myself, I know i could of attended the GP appoinment but i chose not too, and yes FYI i did cancel it, I would be kicked off the list if I hadn't as they take people not attending appointments seriouly.
Reading back it seems my words were harsh, I was in a pickle and feeling l had noone to turn too, this was excerbated after the call as it felt rushed, I don't know what services the numbers supposed to supply, are they there to talk too or to just make refferals? i reacherd out to them but got no help. I know they are trying to help people and I have massive respect for the work they do.
davey wrote:
Hi electrodreams.
1) re free blocker there is one you can download for free for a 28 day trial called TxNogam (google it) . This is for PC's / laptops etc (windows). download & install it (choose the never allowed to uninstall option)
2) if you use your smartphone to gamble sell it / ditch it. get a very basic non-internet phone.
3) if you still have debit cards / credit cards that you can use online report them lost in the first instance, to get them cancelled. Try to get a basic account e.g. barclays or co-op bank, just with a cashpoint card (no debit card facility). If in the meantime new cards arrive destroy them & bin them, you can get cash from your bank with ID. Live with cash for a while, i.e. no electronic access to funds, equals no ability to gamble online. They don't give credit !!!
4) is there someone close you can trust with your cash ? if so ask them to look after it for you & give you say £10 / day for food etc.
5) persevere with gamcare maybe get other help as well ? Google ' gordon moody ' this is intensive help for gamblers usually residential . I feel you need serious help here.
6) stop gambling! stop thinking about it, no imaginary bets etc. You won't win anyway, especially not in your current state, you've no chance. Whatever you do win (if you win) will just be bet back to fuel your addiction. Start respecting yourself & valuing money again. if you have any spare, buy a few nice things with it.
7) go back to GA ! Nothing is perfect ! there may be god-botherers in the room but right now you need help, the best qualified people to help you are recovering compulsive gamblers, and the GA rooms are full of them! focus on the recovery part, they talk of a 'higher power' that can just be the better, non-gambling side of you.
8) get to a point in your head where you will feel happy inside by NOT gambling each day; it feels to me that currently you are reversed in your psychology, i.e. you currently idealise gambling as an activity, despite all the harm it's done you - IT'S RUINED YOUR LIFE - for you to be healthy you should idealise NOT gambling each day to be healthy.
Thanks for the advice Davey, I will take all of these points on board. I need to give my bank card to a friend but finding what to say to them will be tough. They don't know my problems, I hardly have any family and they don't know either.
The most difficult time for me is the run upto payday, this is every friday for me as i am paid weekly so I need to start leaving my card at home maybe before coming to work to stop any temptations.
I will beat this, one day at a time. It's been 2 days now since my last bet so this is a start.
hey, you can simply cancel your bank card with your bank, you don't need to go into why with them, just report it lost. As soon as you get paid (friday?) withdraw your salary all in cash (less any cover needed for direct debits due) then report the card lost to the bank then dispose of it. To be honest, you are probably not strong enough right now to resist temptation by holding onto it. Online gambling is too accessible, a constant temptation. cancelling the card will make it unavailable so you won't have that temptation.
Electrodreams
Hope you're ok. If you're still prepared to read my posts, go back to Number 7 on this thread, v similar advice to Davey's. Set up DDs to come out of your wages for priorities to move living expenses into an instant saver cash card account. One (possibly heavy duty) trip to the bank will put up a few barriers. I recommend sorting this before pay day. Also, if you do decide to brave the bank, don't forget to take passport and proof of address with you.
CW
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