I was first introduced to gambling from a friend when i was 17 and that was when i thought i could make easy money.
I thought why not bet big on a guarantee and make a quick few quid. I remember i bet 1k on a football match and i lost that money. Then being 18 i had a sinking feeling that i cant put into words how losing that money made me feel.
One of my issues is that when i would lose money i would have an urge to have to make that money back straight away and not have a care in the world what i was betting on. To a degree where i once bet 1k on a volleyball match of which i know nothing about.
I am now 30 years old and have been going through this stop start cycle for 13 yrs.
I had stopped gambling for 2 years and i was feeling normal again until the start of april when i had a relapse. I bet £50 on a football match and then started raising the stakes to which i was up 6k and feeling unstopple to where i am now 3k down from that first £50 bet.
All those feelings i had from a few yrs ago returned and im for the first time seeking help for my addiction.
I relapsed as me and my partner had a fight and i guess i wanted to hurt myself mentally.
This is a snapshot into my story and i want to try and help people who have the same feelings i have now and have had in the past.
I'm responsible for my actions and take full accountabilty for what i have done over the past 13 years.
Gambling is not living..its a secret that you keep to yourself and you suffer as a result. I have to accept the 20/30k i have lost in my lifetime and now move on.
Hi Torrio,
Your story makes a lot of sense to me as it is so similar to myself. I would win loads and think I was unstoppable and then lose it all back and more then stop for a while then continue the cycle.
That last comment you made about gambling being a secret you keep to yourself is so true. I have probably lost much more than you over my lifetime and especially in the last few years. I spend my time thinking about everything I could of spent my money on and how I could now be cash rich. I`m starting to realise though that whatever I won, I would just lose back in this cycle so its the cycle that needs to change.
I would go so far as to say if I don`t stop now then I will lose everything I have in my life and by that I mean, my wife as there is no way I can explain to her that we have nothing anymore.
I too, take full responsibility and know that I need to dig really deep into my soul and find that glimmer of hope that allows me to quit, be clean and enjoy the really important things in life which certainly isn`t money.
I wish you well over the coming days, weeks, months and years and thank you for putting your post on the forum as it has helped me mentally this morning as I am on day 6 of being gf and am really struggling with the guilt.
Good Luck.
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