I have been a visitor to this forum many times over the last few years, but I have never had the courage, to speak.I have had had serious gambling problems from the age of about 22, when I first got introduced to online gambling, me and my friend would start putting bets on the football, this soon escalated as I set my own account up and started to gamble more and more at home.
A few years passed and I managed to get myself in a better position, however in 2011 my mum's partner suddenly died and all of a sudden I was now in the position of trying to sort everything out, I have two younger brothers who are now happy and settled with partners and young children who are adorable.
Soon after my mum's partner died I started to gamble more and more again, having some serious days/nights where I would lose thousands of pounds in one go, I had told my mum time and time again this would not happen again , but sadly it did.
About two weeks ago after going just short of a year gambling free, one Friday after work I came home and for some reason I still can't understand, I picked my phone up and registered with a online casino, I lost 300 pounds initially and was gutted, so then deposited another 1000 pounds, I then manages to claw back my losses and end up nearly 5 thousand in profit, which felt really good at the time, but the dangerous thing was the gambling demons of old were back.
Last night similar story to a couple of weeks ago, came home from work, decided to go to my local for a few pints got back around 9 ish and decided to give it another go, this time I wasn't so lucky, lost my initial 500 deposit, soon followed up by another 1000 and so on, just before midnight I had lost 9000 pounds in two hours on roulette, money I had worked so hard to save the past year has gone, plus all the debts I still currently owe.
I feel absolutely broken inside, the pain is so unbearable, I have let my mum down who depends on me, but most of all myself.I have told my mum this afternoon what has happened and she is so upset, she spends most weekends away looking after a friend who is not in the best of health, and this has now ruined all the good work I thought I had made.
The panic attacks I am currently having through my actions are something I can't describe.I honestly don't see a way out of it this time, I feel that this is something which will never leave me alone, I get into a better position and blow it all.I have thought about ending it all, but I know the pain my mum would suffer stops me from doing that, however I am very lonely at home, which is how most weekends are spent apart from if I decide to go to the club which is not often.
Just don't know what to do, I'm just in absolute tears at the moment writing this, thankyou for reading Simon.
Hi Simon,
sounds like an awfull situation you are in, Please dont give up on yourself and try to find some local help at a GA meeting in or around your area. if there is not one near to where you live then try https://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/ I took my Son to his first GA meeting on Thursday and im sure he found it beneficial and im hoping he will go there every Thursday from now on. People there are in a similar position, non judgemental and all striving to help one another. The above link is helpful, go to the chat sites and talk to other addicts, nathan and smartie are always ready to listen and offer support. If the chatroom is empty at the time then keep trying.
Wishing you all the best, one day at a time.
Chris
Hello mate, sorry to hear you are having a bad time of it, we've all been there. You need to put stops in place to ensure you cannot gamble even if you want to. Online sports betting was my problem and I've registered with Gamstop for next 5 years, now I can't do it I hardly even think about it and going to bookies is not my thing, I strongly urge you to do the same. Well done for opening up to your mum. We are all different so I cannot claim to being any kind of expert at this, all I can say is look at root of your problem and then put a plan into action for what you can do to stop yourself (barring, software etc.). I wish you all the best, Simon (122 GF).
Thankyou for your words of support, the realisation of what I have done is sinking in now, the pain is so much, I don't know what to do, I had worked so hard to get myself into a good position and now to have thrown it all away and be back at square one again.Ive just let so many people down.
Hello again, understand the pain. You need to accept that the money has gone now and look forwards, for example I now consider myself as £6k better off for the time I've not gambled and not £75k - £80k down (roughly the net result of my addiction). One day at a time my friend.
Trying to get through this day as best I can, have been talking to my mum earlier today, and she has suggested we sell the house, as there is no mortgage owing on it, and she would be happy for me to have the majority of the money to pay off my loans which are around 18 thousand and get me on my feet again, like in a 1 bedroom flat, where I can have a new start, there are also so many bad memories attached to this house, like when my mum's partner suddenly died in the bathroom in 2011, and I think being on my here doesn't help me at all, part of me is scared but at the same time I don't think I could live in this house on my own when the day comes when my mum is no longer here, all my life I've either lived with my grandma or at home with my mum, so it would be a big step for me, but one I feel that could give me a new start at life.
Your mam giving you the money to pay off your loans might seem like a good idea. But it will give you more opportunities to gamble because you will have more credit. If you do get money make sure you pay off all the loans and have ever block in place so you can’t gamble because every time I have been helped out I have just chucked it back in me mam face and never learned because me mam bailed me out instead of me standing on my own two feet and getting myself out of the mess I had created. Don’t mean to sound harsh but good luck
I fully understand what your saying, I could never let my mum down again if she did this for me, it would be a new start for both of us.
Hi Simon I'm going to sound really harsh. Do not let your mother sell her house. Don't be fooled by the bailout. You will learn nothing, you need to be gamble free first. Advise your mother to get sound advice before helping you financially. This is not recommended for recovery.
Merry go round wrote:
Hi Simon I'm going to sound really harsh. Do not let your mother sell her house. Don't be fooled by the bailout. You will learn nothing, you need to be gamble free first. Advise your mother to get sound advice before helping you financially. This is not recommended for recovery.
Hi Simon, sorry to hear of your situation and I really hope things get better for you. I too, unfortunately have some weighty debts having over me as a result of my actions. I would agree with the above however, a bail out for me would not teach me the lesson I know I have to learn. It’s hard to swallow but I know I need to go through this pain in order to recover. For the long term, perseverance may be your better option. Maybe try to get by with what you can and make sure you have a ‘living allowance’.
Wishing you all the best.
Hi simon. You are very lucky to have a mother willing to do so much for her. Whilst it’s undeniable you want to give up gambling this, like some of the other posts may also be something you don’t want to hear but what if you did gamble again and your mother did something so huge for you? You would have access to funds again to gamble and whilst you have suffered from losses before this would definitely be a let off of sorts. Not that it would mean you just say hey I’m debt free so screw it im going to gamble. None of us say that, we have the intentions of right new start I’m debt free or new start I have some money now and then the gambling demon in us starts again. I remember someone saying to me when I had a bailout chance ‘tow the debts as a reminder of why you are here in this dark place and why you won’t gamble again’. Gambling can’t be ‘cured’ but I’m sure the difference in your mindset after a few ears of paying debts in comparison to having this ‘bailout’ will be totally different. You will have worked hard and become stronger if you become debt and gamble free paying the debts off over time. It’s a lesson we all need to learn to be able to fully manage our gambling problems. Whichever one you chose mate don’t gamble
Your mother needs help as much as you do if the dysfunction is ever to be addressed. As a compulsive gambler, you’re going to remain at all times one bet away from disaster. You can have the most sincere of intentions now but they’ll be washed away when the urge strikes, unless you commit to a recovery program and maintain it day by day. She needs to learn how to look after and at herself and how to support you. Providing you with gambling tokens (directly or indirectly) is enabling, not support.
Time to make better choices?
CW
Hello everyone, thankyou for your words of support and advice, I know like some have said it is to big a thing for my mum to do straight after me losing all that money.
I have now come to what I think is a better idea, I have spoken to the bank and they have approved in principle for me to get another loan for 7500 which I will be able to afford along with my other repayments, still have money to go out, and still be able to save some money at the same time.I am going to withdraw the money and give it to my mum to look after, so I won't have access to it, and then in a couple of years when I have proved to my mum I can be responsible again, and get back on my feet again, maybe revisit the idea of selling the house, as I know my mum doesn't want to stay here forever, and I couldn't live here on my own if anything happened to my mum as it would make me feel to sad.
Hello Simon34
it sounds like you are currently very focused on the financial situation. There's nothing we can add to the excellent advice that forum users have given you on that. But how do you plan to prevent yourself from gambling again? There are several steps you can take to prevent yourself being able to gamble online - for example you can join the national self exclusion scheme GAMSTOP, you can self-exclude from any accounts you still have open, you can install blocking software to prevent yourself being able to open gambling sites and apps. There's also free 1:1 treatment and local Gamblers Anonymous support groups if you want them.
It can be scary contemplating making big changes like that. You'd be welcome to call us on the HelpLine 0808 8020 133 if you want to talk it over. If you prefer, you can chat to us on the NetLine. Both are open 8am-midnight every day.
Keep posting,
Deirdre
Forum Admin
I've just registered now with gamstop for 5 years, so that now will end any online gambling, I can't believe how much of a fool I have been, my mum is being supportive and just saying I need to look to the future now and to try and take a day at a time, I'm going to go to my local ga meeting on Saturday afternoon, which will hopefully be able to help me focus on my future.
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