My world has fallen apart

Hi Simon,

It seems like you’re making all the right choices and I wish you the best for your journey ahead!

I beat myself down quite a lot about the problem gambling and mistakes I’ve made but your mum is right, energy and focus is best spent on the future and looking forward.

Hi Simon . Like the others say there is no quick and easy fix . Bailout at this time is not the option . I personally got a bridging loan of 25k that cleared all of my debts . When I re mortgage at a better rate in December (my credit will be A*) the difference in the rates will wipe out this loan. This has freed up nearly 1k a month . However non of this would be possible had I not put a few months behind me gamble free . You can beat this . Try every available support you can . GA , this forum , confiding in friends , doctors , hypnotism , whatever you can to beat this . You see the bookmakers or casinos don’t care about the damage it does to you . Every other advert on the tv is for gambling . Why ? Because it’s a multi billion industry and it’s built on the suffering of every member on here and thousands of people who haven’t got here yet . Keep doing what you are doing and if there is any help or assistance you need just ask me or others

Just got home from my shift at work, and I have to say it has been tough, just thinking of all the hard work I have done, and trying to save as much as I could since last year, to end back at square one.From being up at ten and a half thousand last week, to £1700 now really hurts, I'm still going to get the loan if I can, and put it in a savings account, it may sound silly but if I can get it, to me it will feel as if I still have a considerable amount of money even tho it will have to be paid back in the long run, I just can't bear the feeling of having next to nothing again.With my wages I can cover all my bills, essentials, still have money to go out, and most importantly to save.Registered with gamstop yesterday and am going to order new bank cards with a new pin which my mum will look after, and if I need money, then my mum can get what I need for me.Determined to make it work this time as it really is last chance saloon.Thanks for your support and advice everyone, I'm also going to start a recovery diary on here, hoping for a good night's sleep now, take care Simon.

For me you have the total wrong mindset. Why get a loan to put it in saving account. You just need to except money has gone and get all the blocks in place so you can’t gamble again I know it’s hard. Saying that I have done the same as you lost a lot of money and got a loan just to make me feel better. Just so I could say to myself I still have plenty of money but I always gambled it away.

Boro you are right, taking out a loan to put in your savings account, just to make it look like you still have plenty left is definitely the wrong mindset. You gambled the money and need to face the consequences. The interest on the loan will be greater than the interest on the savings account. It makes no sense at all.

Furthermore, having all that extra money is going to make gambling seem very tempting.

Hi Simon, I understand where you are coming from with the loan but have to agree with the others. I know this because I got a loan last week to make sure I had funds put away but by the next morning, I had very little left as the temptation was too much. The minute the money entered my bank account, I thought a small amount wouldnt hurt and I could have a little gamble just for fun. How wrong was I. I realise now after this loss, that the only way to begin my recovery is to have limited funds and just about get by whilst I get stronger. Although this scares me and the prospect of having very little is highly depressing, I feel there is no other option personally for myself. Whilst there are extra funds available, even with the best intentions, the risks are too high. By struggling financially and building up funds by not gambling, I believe this will bring back the true value of money. Whilst you will do what you feel you need to do, you can only learn from your mistakes and this is what this process is all about. However, I could be completely wrong but I really feel that you could be setting yourself up for another loss. Please take on board what others are saying as they only have your best interests at heart. Different things work for different people but nonetheless, best of luck in your recovery and I look forward to reading your future posts.

Hello boro, Green flash, Claire B, I understand what you are all saying, it's just because of what I had been saving and to have lost it I don't want to have to start right at the bottom again.If I can have a lump sum of money and be able to add to it each month with what I can save from my job it will motivate me, even more to really understand the value of money and that it can't be squandered.My mum is going to be looking after all my money from now on, I've ordered new bank cards and only my mum will have them, so if I need any money for anything my mum will get me what I need, and I will never have access to the cards, so I won't know the card numbers etc, I've never gone into a bookies shop and gambled that's never appealed to me, it has always been online that has been my downfall, everything is in place now so it is impossible for me, but most of all I never want to gamble ever again in my life, realising the damage and the consequences of my actions, now is the time where enough is enough, and to just knuckle down work hard, save hard and get back to having a decent life and be grateful for what I have.

Hi Simon getting a loan is the same as a bailout. A debt is great reminder to a compulsive gambler of what he has done, often recommended to last a long time. The point is compulsive gambling is nothing to do with money, winning or losing. It also has complete lack of value of money, just numbers, just the feeling, the escapism. Learning to live without funds is a great lesson, to appreciate what you have, not what you think you need to buy. Or that money is about improving your self esteem. This loan will cost you in more ways than interest. It won't help you recover. My husband had the same attitude as you, always another loan, money in the bank. Eventually he was just gambling loans secretly. This is advice and help from experience. Learn to live without, you will gain more from watching your savings grow and going without for a short while.

Hi Simon

Try to not worry too much about having the money in your account right now, that’s not important. If you get help and stay GF that will build up again. I’ve only been GF for 11 days but in that short time I have realised how little I actually need to live on and how much money I was wasting.

Good luck and keep us updated.

If you get that loan to put in a savings account you will gamble it eventually. Sorry but you will , maybe not straight away but when you feel a bit better about this loss . It's a bad idea, you'll then feel even worse than you do now

Taking a loan out with interest just to look at it in your account is lunacy and I’m sorry to say but it shows how warped your current mind-set is regarding your finances as is convincing your mother to sell her house to pay off your gambling debts

Im guessing you are in your mid 30’s yet your posts are written as though you are a teenager

You are responsible for getting yourself in this position as is everyone else on here, and as a result you will never learn your lesson until you and you alone are responsible for getting yourself out of it

No bail out’s , no loan’s, no credit

just hardwork

apologies for the firm words but I think you need them

wittle71 wrote: If you get that loan to put in a savings account you will gamble it eventually. Sorry but you will , maybe not straight away but when you feel a bit better about this loss . It's a bad idea, you'll then feel even worse than you do now

Have to agree, through my own stupidity, that this will probably happen. A loan isn't a god idea. Starting from scratch is a tough, but needed, reminder of what you did so that you don't make the same mistake again.

Hi Simon I really feel for you and you are not on your own, my roulette gambling has the same pattern, when you win it is the best feeling in the world but I have realised like you when 3 times I have lost thousands in one night that it happens directly after a big win. You feel invincible and think that you can’t lose. Then when you lose what you have won you are so mad that you just keep going and going until it just isn’t possible to win all that money back. The gutting feeling of losing all that money is hard to take. I know the feeling of anxiety, my heart was pulsating so hard all the time I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. The best thing definitely is to get it all out in the open, it is such a relief to tell someone no matter how much upset it causes rather than living a lie. Once I recognised I had a serious problem it has made it easier to explain. It is not logical, you can’t answer someone with logical answers because it is an addiction. What I am finding the best therapy is focusing on the positives I have in my life like friends, family and planning nice things to look forward to with people around me. Hold on to the wonderful feeling you get when you wake up in the morning with that well known anxious feeling of “god what have I done” and then realise that you haven’t gambled - it is such an amazing feeling

Totally echo what nipped has said simon at the end of the day it’s your choice and we aren’t the jury. I always use the phrase ‘ tow the debts as a reminder’ but it is true and another bailout to see money in your bank is you creating a fake outcome on how things really are. The fact is mate you need help, discipline and support (not support via loans though). You will start to realise the value of money again as people have said and not just see them as chips with money values on for putting on colours and numbers. When you have something spare treat yourself I know I did this month because I said to myself I’m going to skint myself this month on something I deserve after all the hours I work. Ok 80 quid for some Chanel aftershave is excessive but you deserve it when you work mate