It's time to make a change. Given recent events, I recognise that I need some form of outlet. A way to express myself and reflect on my actions constructively without fear of retribution or predjudice.
Reading the stories of other members has made me take stock. Gambling has not damaged me as extensively as others. It has not led me to debt, cost me relationships or significantly affected my day to day life. Still, the detriment gambling currently has to my quality of life is undeniable and needs to be resolved.
I have a lot going for me: an unspoilt childhood; parents and a partner who love me; a decent education; qualifications and a CV to match. On the face of it, little discernable reason to act or feel as I do.
I have always gambled. From the moment I turned 18 to the present day, it has always been a feature of my life and something I used to take pleasure in. Not anymore. The odd £5-£50 flutter on the football or the races wasn't a problem. It was you could term 'acceptable'. An enjoyable way to spend a Saturday with your mates and, at least economically, no real different to a night on the town or a meal out.
Things, however, took a turn 6 months ago. I worked in a relatively high-pressured job and, despite a successful first year, things were getting tough. Pressure to meet targets and difficulties in my relationship led me to become more reculsive than usual (I've never been the greatest of socialites). Moreover, moving out of a city with friends and contacts to a rural environment only further isolated me. I consequently turned to gambling to fill my evenings. In particular, the time between my partner and I going to bed.
Since the beginning of November, my daily bets have ranged from £5k-£15k with the ability to clock 10-12 hour sessions on a weekend. I was fortunate enough to go through a good spell for a couple of weeks when I was up over £10k at my peak. Finally, I thought, I'd got one up on the bookies. However, the lure to win more and the subsequent desperation to recoup my loses led me to blow this and half my life savings in a single day. Money I had worked hard for over the last 5 years. Money intended for a deposit on my first property with my partner. Money that I simply could not afford to lose.
Without question, this contributed to the anxiety I was already experiencing and resulted in more sleepless nights, more fights with my partner and an inability to perform my job. As a result, I now find myself out of work, back at my parents with a relationship on the rocks and suffering from a general feeling of self-loathing and ineptness. Despite 10 days without gambling and self-exclusion from all my regular sites, it took just one email with a promotional offer to tempt me back and lose another £1000. It was this that has led me here as I realise that I currently do not have the requisite self-control. In those moments of boredom, when the urge for that quick-fix of excitement takes over, I will instead try and come here to read the similar stories and potentially explore some of my own emotions and compulsions. The page is already bookmarked.
I appreciate that I have waffled here and for those who have stuck with it, thank you.
Yes, there is a lot to read here. Many similar stories so that we can see that we are not alone. Success stories rise up from the ashes and there are people here to inspire sticking to changing our lives. Read on and share on and all the best. tara2
Hey Daygone,
Your story sounds very similar to mine in certain sections. I have stopped for 2 weeks now and it feels good. If you dwell on your losses, it will suck you back in. I just confiding to a person you can trust. It lifts an invisible load off your chest. I have played the "free" ones a few time and instantly got bored. The free one shows me how I am going to lose money if I used my own money and kept playing the same way. So, it is better to not play at all.
I have lost my life savings but now trying to build them back. It is not easy but not impossible. We have done it once and we can do it again.
Hi both,
Thank you for taking the time to read and respond. I have since confided in my father, although it pained us both. Me to admit my failures and him to hear them. It's not exactly something you want to burden a 65 year old with as I know he won't disclose it to my mum. Despite this, it has been of some benefit as at least someone knows the true extent (my partner still thinks I only lost my big win and £1k of my own money). Similar to you, I tried playing the 'free' ones which didn't work so I sat watching the roulette wheel again today to both tittilate and torture myself incase my numbers came up. The first time one did, I instantly deposited £50 of the £200 in my account. Still, as I am currently at my parents, I was able to muster the strength to walk downstairs and tell my Dad what I'd done. A stern look and a quick clout around the head as he watched me withdraw and self-exclude was enough to get my thoughts in check. Though, I think proximity and the fact I'd opened up to him this morning saved me this time. I do not think I would have called someone had I been alone. It might be an idea to speak to someone who isn't as emotionally involved moving forward.
Spoke to a previous employer again today who I'm still friendly with and, provided I renewed the required qualification, he promised me regular hours as he knows that I graft. It's minimum wage and dull work but a good start to building back my loses. Hard not to dwell on them at the moment as things are still pretty raw but I feel progress is being made.
Good work, mate! My idea to play with the free one is to prove to myself that no strategy really works. But, you might have your own solution and you need find and stick to it.
Just wanted to say welcome to the forum. Been in a very similar situation (lost £48k in an hour ...), so you're not alone. Only advice I can give is to just limit your access to money, since you can always find a website or bookies where you aren't excluded, and can always find the time to place a bet. I'm sort of lucky so far, in that I don't get any thrill out of a small bet, and can't afford a big one, so I've stayed gamble free for around 70 days quite easily. Lots of advice on here will say "put your losses behind you and forget about them", but we all know it isn't that easy. I still regret what I did at least several times a day ... however, it helps me remember how rotten I felt and makes sure I won't do it again. You've done the right thing telling your dad, and it sounds like you are young enough and have the CV to rebuild your savings ... I literally take things one day at a time, and that's what I would recommend, rather than thinking I'll never gamble again, or I'll be happy when I've earned a spare £48k. I would advise aganst the free bets strategy ... they are free, and not programmed to play the same as when you put real money in! It's in the machines interest to let you win on free spins to hook you back in. I actually met someone through work a few weeks ago who writes algorithms for betting games ... the basic summary (I couldn't understand the tech back) is that the more you play, the more it learns about your strategies, and uses those against you (what numbers you play, when you double up, when you take a card etc)... you aren't playing just against a starndard wheel or pack of cards, you're also playing against yourself. In theory, the only way you can win big is to go heavy on a site the day you open it, and not play again ... hoping you win before it learns from you ... not something I would recommend!! Anyway, hang in there, don't get tempted, and one day at a time (cliche but works for me) ... don't expect to feel great about things for a while, but just aim to end the day gamble free. Take care. Rich
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