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Hi Jonno1981, welcome to the Forum and well done for sharing what you have here,

It is very difficult to understand, but the principle is quite straightforward - you are effectively "mentally allergic" to gambling; it makes you react and act in a way that is different to who you truly are. You are not a bad person and there is nothing wrong with you, but gambling brings out compulsive behaviour which hinders your life and your well-being.

I gambled for twenty years before I stopped five years ago. I set limits in the beginning and quickly broke them - you have managed to get to a point where you only spend what you have spare, but how long before this isn't the case? Not only that, but imagine if you find yourself in a situation, through redundancy or children etc, where you suddenly find that you need every single penny - could you stop tomorrow? Could you honestly say that you could finish with it completely so you could do what was necessary my friend?

It doesn't take much to make that next step where everything in your life is threatened. If your social life is non-existent, and you cannot make any plans, then it is already affected to a certain extent. What you experience through gambling is only temporary - any sense of euphoria or "buzz" is a fleeting sensation; if you win, you crave more of the same, if you lose, then you face soul-wrenching desperation to get it back again - gambling will always be a lose-lose scenario with you my friend.

You need to draw a line under this my friend. You have reached a point where you have accepted that you have something in your life that you want to stop. You believe you have some control - the only way you can find out how true that is is if you stop, zero tolerance, and find out how much it affects you in the beginning.

Take it slowly, one day at a time; the urges will lessen in time, and that is the only way you can break this vicious circle. You are clearly an intelligent person - take some time to analyze yourself very deeply; what drives you to gamble? What triggers you off? What can you do to "ride the storm?"

I found that I had several gaps that I needed to fill, and now I do charity work, sing, write, go hiking and so much more - these things give me genuine happiness and fulfillment that gambling never would or could.

Jonno1981, as I said, it is like anything; you have to accept and understand that you have something in your life that will always be a no-go area for you, and will always blight your life and well-being - nothing is worth the way you feel right now.

Be strong, be positive - you said about not being able to plan things, why not, whether you have the money or not? Think about the things you could be doing - it will give you much-needed focus in these tough, early days.

I sincerely hope you can make some progress my friend. Don't ever believe that this can't pull you in further - you may be weeks away from losing everything; better people than you or I have fallen into that trap.

JamesP

James,

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

I guess for me there is a big difference between knowing what the right thing to do is and doing the right thing. Accepting I have a problem today is incredible strange. As you say it's effectively me saying I know I'm "mentally allergic".

I am "mentally allergic"

But how do I now overcome this? I couldn't agree more about filling the gaps. When I have had focus with my partner, my hobby of playing football and just generally being busy with things like work my problems are non-existent. But then comes the moment, the moment of boredom, and whoops it's happened again.

When I say my social life has suffered, it probably hasn't meant that I've nothing. But have had little.

So how do I change? Should I be content knowing I've spoken about it? What do I do next? Write to all the gambling sites and exclude myself? Or would you advise the recovery diary? Or even attending a gambling meeting.

If I'm honest I'm using this forum to cover up the self shame I have about having this problem. I'm not sure I have the will power to meet others and discuss my problem? Nor do I know I'm at the stage where I can share this with my family, friends and girlfriend.

I'm sorry this is a bit all over the place, but I'm trying to write-down all my thoughts as I have them.

Thanks once again for taking the time to reply and read my message. It does mean a lot.

You're very welcome Jonno1981, no problem at all,

It doesn't have to be a problem, it doesn't have to be something that makes you feel a lesser person; there are people who like peanuts who can't eat them, there are people who enjoy a nice view but suffer from vertigo - it is all about acceptance and then moving on with your life.

You need a routine that can tackle things like boredom that can trigger urges. This depends on the person and you need to find out what works best for you - for me personally, little worked better than exercise, or taking myself off somewhere remote and just walking and thinking on my own. Sometimes it could be something as simple as going to bed, reading a book or picking up the phone to speak to a friend - anything that counteracts those initial feelings that can trigger off compulsive behaviour.

Preventative methods can help a great deal in the beginning - installing blocking software on your PC/Laptop would be a strong start. Then I would try GA; you don't have to get involved or tell your story - it is very liberating just to hear others, good, decent, honest, intelligent people that have suffered with this as you have; go there with an open mind and take it in - see how you feel, see whether you want to say something but the most important thing is that you are around others who can understand and appreciate what you have experienced, which is like gold dust. A recovery diary would also help, and others here can offer you guidance, support and understand all along the way - there is a good, non-judgemental community here.

If you don't feel you can tell your friend, family or girlfriend, then you have to ask yourself how long it will be before they find out by themselves, or you put yourself in a situation where you have no choice but to tell them - both of those scenarios are far,far worse than you being upfront about this; if you read some of the posts in the "Family and Friends" section, you will find that virtually every single post says that broken trust is a thousand times harder to deal with than the money itself.

If you don't want to tell them, then use it as a catalyst to not to have to; every time you fall, then you are one step close to having to tell them or them finding out - use it to motivate you to stop; at the moment, they live independent lives and it is unlikely to be this way forever.

Time is the only thing which will get you through this my friend. Take is slowly, one day at a time; if you experience urges, do what you need to get through them and know, in your heart, that you have taken another step up the ladder - six months from now, they are likely to be at a much lesser level than what they are now.

If you find yourself heading towards gambling again, ask yourself what the endgame is - what is the best you can hope to achieve? You want to believe that it is a big win, but the best case scenario is you losing a small amount and walking away - winning money will only make you crave more of the same at higher stakes than before; your previous stakes won't give you the euphoria that you crave so you will want to raise them, which will lead you to losing, and then invariably losing. If you lose, then you face soul-wrenching desperation to regain what you have lost, which invariably leads to losing.

Nothing you ever do will change that scenario my friend - this is why you are affectively "mentally allergic" - you are emotionally vulnerable to a certain extent, which is why you can't walk away when others can.

It is no bad thing if you can channel it into something else - people like you and I are generally more open-minded and passionate than the next; I get so much out of life now because I use it in the right way.

You can get there Jonno1981 my friend - you need to be proactive, stop burying your head in the sand and push yourself to do what is necessary. If you doubt anything, then ask yourself how you would feel if you would be posting here in ten years time? What would be left of the life you have now?

JamesP

James,

I thought it would be right to give you a short reply some days after my first post to give you some feedback (and others that might have read the forum).

I have found myself a number of times re-reading you messages, understanding why I posted what I did and coming to terms to the way I feel about my gambling habit and how I'm to overcome it.

So the first step has been achieved. Coming clean, gaining an understanding from others of my problem. I can't tell you how good that is.

I've spent the odd five minutes reading others introductions and replies. This has provided further comfort for me knowing that I'm also starting this journey with many others.

I found in another post the saying "I cannot win because I cannot stop"....I can't believe how so true this is. Therefore is winning isn't an option why continue.

I believe I can use this as my first platform to aid my recovery. I will post a diary as I feel this will really help.

So thanks my friend, your words have meant a lot.