Hi, im a 39 year old male with 2 kids and one on the way. I work full time, have a supportive partner but my deepest secret is making me sad and wrecking my good life. I have been gambling for years and lost thousands. I haven't spoke to anyone about it but today was my last day of being annoyed of losing yet another £25 in 5 minutes. The only reason I didn't lose more is the fact that I have a deposit limit of £25 on that account. I have self excluded from many and I have been going round in a vicious circle for far too long. My latest moments of madness has seen me spend £250 on my credit card then pay it all back and more then do the same again. My partner doesn't know about it and thinks the credit card has about £50 on it to pay. It doesn't seem a large amount but I have to pay back the card out of my wage that won't cover my half of the bills. I have hit rock bottom and know how further down i could go if i try and dig my way out by further gambling. I have been diagnosed with depression over the past few months and feel really down because of my major f#*k up tonight. I cannot tell my partner as she already doesn't trust me with money and has been down this road with a previous partner. Can i say day 1 begins???
Hi coco
Well done for finding this site and being honest- im sure you will agree it does feel a little better once you have taken this step. This addiction makes us feel completely isolated so even just writing your thoughts down on this forum will go some way to help.
I would self exclude from all sites and install k9 or betfilter on your computer. This will help when you are feeling the urge.
Also, it there any way you could open up to your girlfriend about it? She could maybe take control of your finances for a while? I can understand if you cant but being honest with your loved ones really can help recovery.
Try and put the past behind you - whats lost is gone and one thing is for sure- you will not get yourself out of these problems by gambling more. Even if you won you would keep playing and lose at some point and if you lose again you end up chasing so it really is a pointless exercise.
Let this be day 1 of the rest of your life and put gambling behind you. There are loads of great people on this site that are doing really well so have a read through their diaries and start one of your own if you would like to get things off your chest every day.
The depression you talk about could even be caused by gambling but even if it isnt stopping gambling will go a long way to helping that too.
Your family deserve you to be the person you are without gambling in your life.
Best wishes
Linda
Thanks linda,
Maybe im being a chicken by not telling my partner lol.
I have faced day 1 of not gambling and its been more of an urge to gamble today than ever before. I get annoyed with myself more and more when I think about it.
I need to change my lifestyle a bit, more walks with the dogs and basically getting out more.
I have a possible job change tomorrow so I am trying to leave my old self behind, I have been on self destruct but just clinging on by my finger tips for too long and need control back.
I will chat with my partner in good time and feel she deserves the honesty.
Many thanks
Coco
Hi Coco
The first week is always the hardest. We can get so wrapped up in our gambling ways that its very hard to break that habit. However habit is all it is and it can be changed.
when i heard this saying "I cannot win because I cannot stop" it rang so true to me and whenever I felt the urge I would say this to myself over and over again. The urges are now getting less and less and each time I deal with an urge it gets easier to deal with the next one. Because that is all they are- urges. We do not HAVE to act on them.
If you accept the money you have spent is gone and start today from day 1 you can have such a great life ahead. What would be the point in carrying on only to be here in another year, 2 years, 10 years.. with the same problem. Because you will always have this problem unless you change it now,
I am 76 days gamble free and my only regret is that I didnt stop sooner.
Linda
Its good to see what lies ahead, my first hurdle is to accept I will have sort out my financial situation, its not bad but probably about £750 of which my partner doesn't know.
Long road lies ahead and I have faced some tough battles in the past so am confident I can battle on.
The best is yet to come but I will speak with my partner first.
I will be starting a diary of my days and will be glad to get day one out of the way.
I wish you all the best coco and will follow your diary. Talking about this makes it easier and the more you talk about it the less scary it becomes.
Linda
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