new here

Hi everyone reading this. I am not one for normally writing a post but here goes. I just feel that I would share my story after reading many others. I first would like to say good luck to all with their recovery from this dreadful habit.

I am 47 years old and have enjoyed playing online bingo for about 5 years. It was manageable until last year, when I discovered slot machines. I would never contemplate using a real slot machine and have never even had the temptation. My husband is self employed and went through a bad patch where he didnt get paid for 5 months. I was in a good job earning 27k per year. Money was still tight for these few months and I won a couple of hundred pound after trying the slots. I was then hooked and the bingo games seemed boring. I had to take voluntary redundancy from work, as I felt bullied by my manager but had no evidence to back this up. I paid a credit card and overdraft off with my redundancy, so started 2014 debt free. I tried to get a new job but was continually unsuccessful. I ended up working on a zero hours contract for minimum wage. This job lasted 3 months and I was constantly exhausted, as some nights I didnt get in till 3am. I found another job closer to home in hospitality, again on minimum wage and zero hours. In both jobs, all staff were spoken to like children and the work was really tiring. This knocked my confidence totally, as I trained and worked hard in my last job for 15 years to work my way up. Dont get me wrong, I certainly did not think that the subsequent jobs were beneath me, however, I thought that I had more to give.

In March, my nephew died after a freak accident aged 23. This was followed by the death of 3 friends. I had a blowout of 2 grand on the slots in March. I felt that I was lower than a snakes belly. I confided in my husband and he was surprisingly supportive but under the condition that it would never happen again. I transferred my debt to a credit card interest free for 29 months and I still owe approx 1700.

After 100s of job applications, I have recently secured a full time job (someones maternity leave until april) and was on top of the world last week to finally earn some decent money and try to pay the remainder of the credit card off and be able to afford a long overdue holiday. I also owe my sister 400 from a non gambling issue.

I went online on Thursday last week to ask for an overdraft facility, as I have a month lying on at my new job. I then celebrated gaining my new job with a few drinks. Although not drunk, I was not sober enough to realise the repercussions of another blow out. I blew 1500 over the weekend. I cannot begin to say how low I feel, although today is better than yesterday. I cannot confide in my husband, as he doesnt gamble at all but spoke to my sister, who has been fabulous. She is going to help me every month when I get paid to budget my money. Although I do not need budgeting help, I feel stronger knowing that someone is there for support and to keep an eye on my spending.

I wish that I could turn the clock back but cannot. I dont even know what type of gambler I am, as I only have occasional bouts of gambling. I rang GA yesterday morning and found it great to talk, although I think it will be some time before I can feel better about myself. I am hoping that my confidence returns with my new job but I am a little scared that I wont be good enough. I could honestly kick myself at doing this a second time. I obviously cant remember how bad I felt in March.

I will do it this time though and want my old self back after not knowing who I have been for this last year.

I know that for some people, my debt is probably small fry but it is a lot to me. Its also the fact of all of the other feelings that come with gambling.

I am sorry if this has been long winded but I will probably not post again and just keep reading everyone efforts and hopefully success stories.