Hey, so I've recently had a relapse (again) and I figured there isn't any harm in giving this a go for a change instead of trying myself to deal with this.
My very first iteraction with gambling was when I was 12 years old, I was taken to York races and I'd earnt £20 polshing glasses that morning for a wedding in a hotel. I was told I could pick a horse and use my earnings for my bet. It won, I was so chuffed! ... The thrill of watching those horses run and cheering my horse on was something I'll never forget, and is likely something which always draws me in time and time again along with other reasons which I'll try and come to later on.
Years later I turned 18 and could gamble legally, I'd moved out at 17 years old and didn't have the best paid job at the time and paying for a flat and bills wasn't easy. I starting going to poker nights with friends which I did okay at, then it progressed to poker tournaments with cash games. I would see it as a social thing which had the chance to earn some money if I was sensible. Obviously that didn't always happen.
I also started doing weekend football accumulators, this was where it all really started going wrong. ... it soon spiralled to placing big bets.
This went on for 3 years or so, digging deeper into debt and what I saw as no way out. I didn't talk to my family or friends. I just took credit cards and loans out to try and solve the problem.
At 21 years old I decided that the only solution was to attempt suicide, to which I panicked. I went into hospital and luckily everything was sorted. My family were made aware of the situation and I moved back in with my mum a few months later.
She helped me as best she could with my debt and the remaining balances I entered a debt management plan (first of three I've entered). There wasn't really much said about what I'd done, I guess it was a taboo subject and if it wasn't talked about then it wasn't a problem and would go away. Which didn't help in the long run.
Fast forward maybe 4 years and I'd cleared my debt, I had qualified as an electrician and was doing okay again. I met a nice girl, we moved in together and things seemed great. For some reason I can't explain, I started to gamble again, telling myself £25 per week on a football accumulator was fine, as long as I stuck to it. This didn't last and I soon started chasing my loses, hiding my problems again from family, friends and my partner. Eventually my relationship broke down, I'd had to find my own place to live and felt as though I was back to square one with a debt management plan. On top of all that I had a sporting injury which put me off work for four months, with no sick pay etc. This just made everything worse and I ended up eventually back at my mums again.
This cycle happened once more before I hit 30.
Now, mid 30's I've found myself a new partner who I've been open with about my past struggles, I was just in the process of finishing off my final debt management plan. Things were looking better than ever. We've now bought a house together. While the mortgage application was going on I'd had a wobble and spent £4000+ in two months which was flagged up on the application by the mortgage broker. This was dealt with and we moved on.
Present day, I've just done exactly the same as usual, roughly £23,000 (not just on gambling) is my current level of debt. I've taken loans out and credit cards to cover everyday living to cover it up and hide it. It's all come to a head and I've had to come clean. Luckily my partner has been fantastic and covered all bills / outgoings which need to be sorted this month, and moving forwards we have a plan in place to carry on paying these debts off.
I couldn't tell you what it is which makes me gamble. One of my theories is the worry of money when it comes to everyday life, going for a meal, or a few drinks etc, I'm quite old fashioned in the sense I'll pay for it, even if I don't have the actual money for it. This always seems to get me thinking how could I make extra money on the side of my job? Guess what comes up every time, Gambling! You guessed it. A friend of mine gave me some advice recently and said "Even though you know it's wrong, you just can't help but press the self destruct button". That hits the nail on the head completely. ... I rushed bets or placed bets on things which I shouldn't have while being blind because I was fixated on the figured I'd set to withdraw. I would eventually loose everything and I would go again the next day with my stake and build up, this time telling myself £10, withdraw.... and again not doing that exact thing.
The highs when you win a big bet seem to be the best feeling in the world and partly that is something we as gambling addicts chase the most more than the actual money. But the loses, and the lows which accompany those are far worse, the despair you go through and the guilt and shame, those are what I think need to be focused on in an attempt to deter and keep us away from gambling.
I know this is a very long post, and I don't expect people to read it all, but if you did and any of this resonates with you, then I'd love to hear back about it too, as surely there are other people out there who slip every now and again and need help too.
Cheers
Hey im new here too and guess what your story isnt too far off from mine and it actually helps to know we arent alone especially the bit where you said it felt way to cover costs etc i have had the exact same issue for 12 years plus i try to make some money for expenses etc but always end up giving triple or quadruple more it makes no sense yet we do it again and again im currently recovering from another repeat relapse hoping to make this the last one over i wish you well too
Hello
@vrmjwb0kys I’m sure there are far too many of us who are in the same boat or similar and it’s a shame.
From 18 to now 34 years old I’ve seen friends enjoy life, holidays, cars, nice clothes etc whilst I’ve been paying things off constantly. I think taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture of if I could control what I’m doing, then I would have those same things too.
Mind over matter, or possibly how much you want something will determine the effort you put in.
I’ve given financial control to my partner, I’ve told my close friends, and I’ve taken responsibility for my actions. I feel terrible for the hurt I’ve caused my partner, considering we’ve had a very stressful time recently with the kids. It was an added stress which I didn’t need to cause.
I’ve gone a couple of years bet free previously, so that’s a positive.
There has been some drastic changes made to my life style in the last few weeks, even before coming clean.
Opening up is the hardest thing to do, but when you do, the relief floods over you more than any high or any low betting related and that is what I’m using right now to push forward as well as the determination to show my partner and friends I can beat this.
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