New here with hideous problems

Hi gboy92 I'm not a cg, just wife of a cg. The money is gone. Today is a new day, put in place payment plan with organisation like step change. Hand over control of money to your partner if you can't be trusted, it's best way to make sure bills are paid. You will never win because it's never enough and you can't stop. At 24 you can still enjoy life, pay the debt and enjoy today. Read other stories there are many who are back on day one. You have to be committed to stopping. Start being honest. Call gamcare get advice, go to GA if you can. Good luck.

I have been there. At 24 did the same... I overcame the money issues but didn't address the broader issue. History repeated itself over and over and each time the financial difficulty got worse. Get help, speak to someone you can trust, arrange counselling, self exclude, give control of money to someone else... Put blocks in your way to stop you having another bet...just one more and chasing losses is losing.... You need to chose ... You need to make the decision to stop. Get finances in detail so you can share, obtain credit reports £2 so you cannot lie about the issue. It is a dark place and I am also in there.... Trying to take all the advice I can get as I am learning I am actually not as clever as I thought

Hi there Buddy and welcome to the forum :))

Youve made the first difficult step of coming here and admitting you have a problem which in itself is a huge step so well done for that .

I'm a Compulsive Gambler and I've not gambled since coming here nearly 2 yrs ago , a couple of day's before turning up here I'd had those exact same Suicidal thought's and had spent much time Googling " Painless way's to die " which looking back just seems plain crazy now but I can understand the way your feeling .

One of the first things that was gifted to me when I came here was the phrase " Suicide is a permenant solution to temporary problem " and it really is , at the moment your heads all over the place just as mine was , you can't think straight because your thinking about " What have I done " " How did it get this bad " and about the money that's been lost ? .

The truth is it's all fixable , over time money can be repaid and things will improve but you need to stop this for good .

Saying goodbye to the losses is a really difficult one , I think as gamblers we don't like to be beaten and chasing those losses will drag you back everytime . The way I got around it was for the first time in my life allow gambling to win by accepting deafeat , it had me beaten and I was powerless to do anything about it , that way there was nothing to go back for and if you can get in that mindset it will help enormously .

You can also look on it as spending the money on a cure for your gambling , if it was to cost you 30k for the cure for a terminal illness youd be happyu to pay right ? . Sometimes you have to flip things slightly to work :)).

There's a saying on here that " We cannot win because we cannot stop " and youv'e already proved that , it really wouldn't matter how much you won it wouldn't be enough , I was the same as the money became unimportant because it's all about the buzz , which at first is easy to get but as time goes on becomes more difficult to get the same buzz so the stakes go up or you gamble more frequently ? .

I would alway's advise honesty with your partner , it's difficult having that conversation but gambling loves secrecy and by not giving it that it has nowhere to hide .

If you have debts that are unmanagable then you could call Gamcare for advice , or one of the companies which many use on here such as Stepchange who can show you away forward .

Trust me it will get better my friend , I';ve walked in your shoes and know the feelings you describe very well , time's the healer so try not to beat yourself up too much it's money and that's all , you haven't commited murder ! .

Think of your future and your unborn baby and make them your focus for a better you .

"It's ok to look back as lonmg as you don't stare for too long "

Talk to you soon my friend

Alan

thanks for your comments everyone and Alan135.... boy how they are spot on!

I have debts but what makes me more scared and lose sleep and worry more is that I am one of the slightly luckier ones as in I actually have time to put it right.

my fears now are my lack of self control and ability to con and lie my way into more money and more debts from gambling losses.

my fears are that I will keep gambling until I have nothing and no way out because all I want to do is chase.

I keep reading posts on here and have done most of today and I am a compulsive gambler through and through I just hope that coming onto here makes me sort myself out.

when I think of where I was after losing the 4k last night in comparison to now it's world's apart I feel like this is the first step and I just hope I stick yo it

I will deffo continue posting and try get onto the right tracks for my partner and unborn babys sake

cheers guys

That's exactly why I'm talking about coming clean with your partner or at least another person Mum / dad maybe ?, If you have no self control then you need to make it difficult to get any fund's that;s part of what we call here the Time , money , Location triangle , if you self exclude and keep yourself busy are the other two and if you remove one of them you can't gamble , it does work but there are always way's around it so you need to make it as watertight as possible , it may not stop you but it'll at least give you time to think about that next punt . If you don't place the first bet there wont be a second :)) ,.

We all become the greatest masters of illusion buddy , robbing Peter to pay Paul every single week , for me being in the bookies when I was supposed to be somewhere else was commonplace , the phone would go and I'd step outside so they wouldn't know where I was but not before asking the guy behind the counter to lock the Fobt machine I was playing :(( and like yourself I could always lay my hands on more money if I really needed it , it's funny how there's always a cashpoint near a bookies ?

Obviously it's your choice if you do /don't tell someone but you need to start being honest with those that love you and also yourself , I'm not going to judge either way mate but the general feeling here by those that have been around the longest gamble free time is that it's the most difficult but best and rewarding conversation you'll have .

It's strange but those feelings losing last night were probably gut wrenching just as gthey have been for me in the past but a gamblers mind soon forgets that pain and can easily con you in to thinking , I can control it now so one more bet won't hurt which is why you need all the blocks in place you can , you need to move forward and lock the doors behind you :)) .