Hi all,
I am new to GamCare but after reading through pages and pages of posts, I know this is a giant step.
A little bit of background on me. I’m 33 and have been married for 6 years, no children. I have a good job that pays well and a family that care very much for me. That’s the nice part.
Gambling has been in my family for years. My dad, his parents, his uncle took his own life because of gambling and debt. My childhood was difficult, my dad was abusive to my mum and being the eldest I witnessed much of that, they split when I was around 7. I won’t dwell too much on this but I wonder if these times ever triggered my gambling addiction in later life. Every other weekend that I saw my dad, we would be in the pub and I would be on fruit machines at a young age followed by playing pool for money whilst my dad was having a good time drinking with his friends. Even when he picked me up from my mums, we we would stop at a bookmakers and we would go on in every other Saturday and do our accumulators. He would give me £1 and say to choose the names that I liked.
Fast forward to now, I have been a gambling addict admitted for around 3 years, prior to that I was in denial. I built up a lot of debt in my early 20s around 35k. My mum helped pay this off by remortgaging her house and slowly I paid her back in full. Debt free. Married and ready to to go.
After two years of marriage I was still betting and it was large amounts, mainly on football and horses, my wife found out and threatened to leave me. I continued to bet secretly. This time winning and winning, I was on a ridiculous streak. Needless to say I lost it all.
Eventually I began to borrow and steal money to feed my habit and my wife found out and we talked about the issue, she was great. I got help and went almost a year without gambling. We were in a good place, we went through IVF as we are having difficulties conceiving. This didn’t work for us and it triggered my worst spell yet. More lies, more gambling and this time stealing from my father in law who has been so good to me. My wife moved out of our home two weeks ago. I haven’t placed a bet since 16th March and I am seeking help from every angle possible.
The one question my wife always struggles with is WHY? Why do I do this, why do I self destruct? Why do I hurt everyone around me? I don’t have the answers. Will I ever have the answers? Is it built deep in my core?
We all seem very similar on this forum. What is the best advice for beating this for good? I have an app now called Habitbull, it’s free and allows me to track my progress each day by confirming that I have not placed a bet. I have self excluded from all sites. I have no cash and do not as a rule take money from a cash point. I am spending time on the gym almost daily as I feel this takes my mind from any urges. I am planning on more counselling, I have been to my local GP. These are all positive steps but how do I turn away for good..
I would love to hear any reply and positive success stories.
Thanks in advance to anyone that takes the time to read my feelings.
Well done for taking the first step which is often the hardest one , admitting to yourself . Why you gamble? I guess from what you say it’s a bit of nature and a lot of nurture . Everyone has an obsessive streak in them . I would imagine marathon runners are compulsive but it manifests itself in a different way . Unfortunately for me, you and thousands of others it is in gambling . That’s not to say it’s a death sentence theoretically for us , when channeled in the right , harmless and productive things it can be a great tool . So back to your situation , there are practical steps. You have self excluded , that’s a start . There is handing control of your money over . There is GA , counselling and other services like debt management plans , step change , etc etc . That’s a big part . Next is to read the stories on here , diaries so you can swot up on this illness . In a very short space of time things can improve for you dramatically BUT only you can make this happen. You need to be ready and say , enough is enough
Thank you for the replies. Thankfully still no urges to waste my hard earned money on gambling.
My wife has now returned albeit the atmosphere is very frosty and we are not communicating at all well. We seem to clash, she has so much anger and is still blaming me for everything that I have done and put her and her family through. I am just concentrating on keeping my head up at the moment and not gambling. It kind of makes me feel worse when I am being blamed and made to feel so bad.
I was able to watch sport without feeling the need to put money on either team which is great for me. How do you repair things with your partner when all they have is anger towards you because of the gambling and lies? They will never fully understand that it is not something we do to hurt them intentionally.
Welcome!
Welcome mate.
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