I feel ashamed, I feel a cheater, I'm lying to people I love, I have no need to gamble, and yet I can't stop. I feel dirty and disgusting, I'm ashamed but I won't stop. I want to, every day I say I won't, but I do. I'm beyond help, the illness won't let go. I lead a normal life on the outside, yet on the inside its killing me. I self-exclude, but I always find ways. This is the first time I have decided to admit my problem. Hello, my name is Martin and I'm a compulsive gambler.
Hi Martin...you have taken a huge step by coming on here and admitting it to yourself and others.I too am a compulsive gambler and have feelings so similar to you. I also gamble is secret...on the outside no one would suspect a thing. Coming on here and admitting it...to the online community is a great first step. Have a good read though peoples stories here and you will see that you are far from alone. Although you might feel like no one would undertand or that your problem is unique to you...you will see that this d**n addiction is far from unique. So many people are suffering from this addiction. Its an illness of the brain...our brains dont function normally when we go into this hyptotic state of gambling. I find that reading others stories helps me and makes me really realise that no matter how bad i think things are right now...they can and will become worse if i continue to gamble. Take the advice you can from very experienced compulsive gamblers on here. One day at a time...thats all you have to do...just do not gamble for today...and re assess again tomorrow. I was on here just a few weeks ago in complete turmoil after losing 1000,s yet again in the space of a few hours. I havent forgotton the pain...but it is so much better even in the space of a short few weeks of not having gambled.One step at a time...and you have already taken the first step which is the hardest.
Hi Valda,
Thank you for your support, I can completely relate to everything you are saying. This monster I've had inside my head for so many years has to be controlled, this is my last chance. The stories on this forum are all so similar and it's so sad. It sounds like your journey is at an advanced stage. At the moment, all I feel is shame and sadness. The story of one day at at a time is repeated by many people, not to have some truth. Once again I thank you, I'm not going to gamble today.
I struggle every day but every day of not gambling is a good day. Honestly that shame and sadness lifts...you will be surprised at how fast it shifts once you dont gamble. And even the debts...they will get smaller, eventhough it might seem a long way off...they will disappear eventually...just as long as you dont gamble. I am great for giving out advice, just so not great at following it myself sometimes! We are only human, we deserve to have a good life as we only have one. There are always people worse off...Dont gamble today...and tomorrow you will feel even better I promise you that. Its such an aweful addiction...sometimes I wish i was addicted to something else less painful! But thats all it is...an illness which needs to be managed. I wish you the best...keep moving forward...just one day at a time...it works!
Hi Martin,
I read your comments and it all sounds very similar to myself. The hardest bit for me was admitting I had an issue. I was the best at hiding my emotions, my gambling, my monster. However, you can’t hide forever. At some point the self destruction comes back to bite you, hard. For me, I had tried to give up, I would not withdraw cash, self exclude, everything you could imagine. I stopped for a year and then just cracked and began to steal from family to feed my horrid alter ego. I am now 22 days clean and this is make or break for me and my wife/family. I have been to counselling, taken away all apps that could encourage or discuss gambling, downloaded a free app called HabitBull that allows me to track my progress, I turn the tv over when any betting adverts come on.
I am taking it day by day but I believe this time it will be for good. I have too much to lose. I’m doing this for my wife and family. You have to want to do it. What is your incentive to stop? What are your ambitions? What could you do to replace the thrill of gambling? Are you happy?
These are all questions you need to ask yourself. This process has made me take a good hard look at myself and think, jesus you need to sort your s*** out, you are better than that, show everyone what a decent bloke you really are and turn it around. That’s where I’m out now, thinking positive and treating it day by day. I wish you all the best. Dan
I'm new here and already I'm feeling like I've took the first step x I'm so low at the minute I don't know what to do
Dear Polly, I hope you are feeling a little better. We are only human, we all make mistakes. No one has a perfect life. So you made a mistake...so what..its only money. No life is worth losing over money. Money comes and goes...and it will come again so long as you stop gambling. Go easy on yourself...you are human and deserve to give yourself a break. What advice would you give your friend if she was in your situation? I bet you would be kind to her and support her and want the very best for her. So do the same for yourself. Be kind to your self whilst you are trying to heal from this. Life will get better...speak to your landlord. No life is worth losing over a months unpaid rent. I know life is s**t right now but it will get better. Please come on here and talk to us. We are all compulsive gamblers on here so we all understand exactly what you are going through and understand just how aweful this addiction can be. Please talk to us...we can help you through this I promise. X
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