I've been gambling for well over 20 years, I've never really considered myself a problem gambler. I'm a sports bettor solely, I'd never play slot machines back in the day, never go near online roulette, I've never bet in a casino.
I've done ok over the years, I followed all the rules, managed a betting bank, bet within my means etc. etc. Actually made a steady profit for much of my gambling life, was it worth the time and angst, looking back probably not.
I've always bet via sports bookies, been excluded from some but can still get a bet on with the main ones, B**5, l*******s, Coral etc...My main rule was to take out any winnings I had in my account every Sunday night, this worked for me. To bet again I had to reload an account, and I generally only placed well thought out, studied bets. Things then changed.
I recently started betting more and more on b*****r Exchange and this is where I suddenly, inexplicably started to fall. Not quite sure why, maybe the cash out is so very 'live', I've grown to hate the cash out element of gambling, a total mind f**k. I tried to 'play the game', I started to break my rules, stakes went up 10-20 fold due to some early wins, I even fantasied of giving up work I was doing so well, of course it didn't last. Amazing how bad your judgment can be become when the stakes get higher....
I'm humbled by some of the stories on here, I'm a lucky man. I have an amazing wife, six beautiful children and a pretty well paid job, I don't need the extra money as such, it came in handy when I had good weeks but nothing life changing. I enjoyed the buzz of winning at one time but that has long faded. I love sport of all types, mainly football and horse racing, my team (Aston Villa) had a big win last week after years of s**t seasons but I lost a bet on the match and that took away from what should have been a joyous occasion.
This year I've won and lost over £100,000, I 've had enough, I'm a few grand down, which is massively galling and of course my instinct is to get it back, not this time. I'm sick of the deceit, sneaking looks at my phone, denying placing bets, the agony of late night drinking/gambling and eventually losing, of waking up every morning with wins/losses my first thought every day. of constantly checking my phone to check on the multiple bets I always seem to have running.
I played s**t or bust yesterday and was strangely relieved to go 'bust'. I want my life back, concentrate on my kids, wife and myself. Not spending so much mental energy on current, past and next bets to place. I'm not quite sure how to get through the next few days but I overcame an alcohol addiction a few years back with the help of an online forum, so thought I'd give this a go.
Gambling is a horrible addiction that plays on our worst human elements of greed and makes us feel empty and loathe ourselves. I don't want it anymore.
Good luck to all who post on here, I can see just by reading the threads that it's been far worse for many of you than it has for me, but I'm not foolish enough to think I couldn't end up at rock bottom if I don't stop now.
Hello JB103 and welcome to the Forum and to Gam Care.
Your post is honest and insightful and I hope that you will continue to reach out for any advice or support that you might need.
If you would like to talk to an adviser at any time, please do feel free to get in touch either on the netline accessed directly from the website or on the helpline open every day from 8.00am until midnight on 0808 8020 133.
Wishing you all the very best,
Helen
Forum Admin
Hi
All the time my thinking that Gambling addiction and obsessions were a form of emotional high and that every thing else was boring.
As the lies grew greater and greater my fears grew greater and greater so much so I was not able to interact with other people in a healthy intimate way.
Because of my addiction and obsessions my escaping in my fears that caused me to think that Gambling controlled my life, not so my addiction and obsessions were indicators that I could not cope emotionally with people life and situations.
By being in recovery I would open up more and more, it was very slow at the beginning and over time my rate of recovery excellerated considerably.
The recovery program was going to help me understand that I was not a stupid person, that I was not a evil person, that I was not a healthy person.
The recovery program was going to help me understand that I could become healthy and more productive.
The recovery program was going to help me understand that I needed to exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
The recovery program was going to help me heal my hurt inner child.
Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA
Dave of Beckenham
Signalman - thanks for the reply. Yes solely sports betting for me. The enjoyment of sports playing/watching came well before the betting. Of course part of the fun of watching sports is the chat beforehand, trying to predict how things will play out, as a young lad going to the match with my Dad, we would always try to 'guess the score' as we excitedly approached Villa Park. Just a bit of fun but we all like the satisfaction of being right!
As for watching sports now, it's completely unavoidable for me, my entire family love sports, it's on in the house most of the time, the only conversation I get out of my teenage lads is sports related! I need to get back to enjoying the event for what it is, guess this will take time. I found myself looking at the odds of the cricket yesterday and was briefly tempted to place a bet, I'm sure this urge will take a while to fade as the last few months particularly I've been betting on pretty much anything and everything.
Royal Ascot is approaching fast, this will be a major challenge for me as horse racing is where the majority of my betting has previously been, my year revolved around the big meetings, I love the form study, the puzzle of trying to work out the winner of a horse race. I love the occasion and a drama of the sport. It's what I'm struggling with most, I bet within my means on such events for years, won some, lost some, yes I chased every now and them and put more than the odd regrettable alcohol fueled bet on but I always managed to keep it from getting 'silly'. But this time I haven't, it finally got to me. Can I go back to being a sensible moderate gambler or is that it for me now, should I close the lid on it completely, gut instinct tells me it needs to be the latter.
I just don;t see how small bets are going to give the buzz any more....once you get to betting for your 'life' nothing else will do. Keep getting the stupid thoughts about winning the money back, just need to let it go and do it the hard way by working, earning and frugality. My wife knows I bet but not to what extent and I've kept her from this, she has enough on her plate already without me adding to her worries. I have noticed even in 2/3 days being more present with her, rather than my mind on 'the bet'. I have lots of other hobbies/interests so am re-focusing on those which can only be good for our relationship going forward, I adore her so feel really stupid risking her trust/respect over this.
Anyway into the third day, a long journey ahead but I wish all on here well, life eh!?
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
