Poker gambling story(completely lost))

Hi everyone

I had open this acccount because i had feel the need to ttalk ,and more important to ask people for there point of view(please i neeed it),about the way ,i still wondering myself how i get to be in,and what the best decision i should do next

I will try to be the more short posssible,i start playing poker because of lack of money to finance my studies,i was good on math and also had a natural born spirit of competition ,and after hearing the presentaion that the eveliest companies who offer these games online made about it (big prize,hard work involved to beat these games ,competition,people happy with a lots of chips aroound them :/they never show the people on the other side :losers,depresssion,ruined families...) i said to myself why not,i was young ,innocent and it the same time ,it was the only thing i should have done to save my studies and my future as well

like evryone is execpting,this game had destroy my life,even if i was good ,i wasn't good enough to win enough for my finances,and when you still play,especially with pression of winning it came a moment when u will definitly lost ,it happen one week before i should have pay my tuition fees for my second year in my enginnering school in paris (something like 6k that i had grind all the summer to win it),i came for a country on the north africa,when u are born here ,u dont have the same luck that a lot people have,so no possiblity of taking a debt,no possibility to have a good paid work ,unless you have an excellent grade,so i guess i had lost maybe the only option that can allow me to have a good future,it was heartbreaking but the worst is yet to come

A few months later,after letting the deception passed away,i go back to this game with a lot of hate ,grudge and spleen,i was living in my parents house,but at the same time i had any option of deposit because of where i live ,so when i want to play ,there was no any option than start on freerol and here is the scennario that had happened more than one hundred time and for 3 years

starting from freerol,grind 2 or 4 week with a lot of hard work study of game dedication,motivation,turn my bankroll into (400usd>7000usd)and then lose everything one or two night after,because this game had become foor me only a way to forget ,externalize my emotions ,take my revenge,show the world my anger...and also beacuse sometine i lost all means and became compulsive as hell ,and by the same time forget that only a good playing with a mathematical way,and a lot of strengh and zen attitude,because the competition is so hard ,can MAYBE allow us to hope win in the long term...

Its only when i hitted the rockbottom line,(health and psychological problems),that i had begun to try to take control of the situation,i had passed 3 years to convince my self that i can beat this game,and when u play evryday somthing like 14 hours,and for more than 4 years ,whith a lot of hard work and dedication ,it came a time when things start goes well , i can say that now i can easily win my life with this game ,and very well (unless my pulsions come back and in this case everything can happen) ,no matter how the opponents is more strongers than before ,than more than 80 percen of players also have a good knowledge of the mathematical aspect of the game ,i had something they dont have ,first a huge experience (more than 40 000 000 hand played),and also a motivation they cant find,because this game had destroy a big part of my life,and evrytime i play i remember it ,and it give me more power than them,to try to do my best to play better than them,luck was on my side ,everything start to going wellll

BUT..if in doing that ,did i hurt other people and make my self responsible for maybe destroy a lott of people life,??

And i know better than anyone ,how painful it can be when it happens,my motivation when i play is first to take a personnel revenge of this game who had destroy my life, i lost a big part of my dreams ,and all the money on the world can never change that(i lost my friend ,my lover,my health and had a serious problems with my family ,some of them so hard to be fixed),,the adreanaline of a wining session goes down very quicly when i think about that,i had make the mega huge mistake to commit myself to this game,and it something i implore anyone that read this text to not do it,winnig is not just so hard,but even when it happen the price is more expensive than the reward(i mean winnig professionaly)because u can prefectly test ur luck sometimes for fun or distraction ,but u should know that the odds will be surely against you if u play against exprienced opponents ,like when u play against a casino,

And here is the main problem ,the reason why i write this treat, i can stop feeling my self guilty when i win, i didnt wish anyone on this world to experience what i had suffered,and i always ask myself the question ;is i'am responsible even partially to cause the same to other people,is i'am a part of the equation whhere someone has lost all his finances,someone who had a ruined family because of his losses,someone who will say to her daughter when she will have 18 ,i soorry i lost all the money i saved for your universities studies on poker_/

But at the same time ,i shoud be honest with my self and admit that this is the only thing i know to do in this world ,to make money(maybe lost as well),and its not easy to give up like that 4 years of work,when it finally come to be profit making ,especially when nobody in this world had helped me when i was on need ,the game itself iwithout money involved is a good peaceful and i can also say genuis competition ,,i had asked this question on a other forum before ,and most of people tod me ,that i shouldn't dont care ,and try to win the more possible and follow my dreams,but all of them were a profesionnal poker players,so i make this bold initiative to post this in a forum where i know that most of people here are suffering gambling addictions and lost of money ,and i will want to know by them ,and also by other people who had read this ,i really need ur point of view,because im really starting to think about stopping this game if it is the best decision ,it wil mean lost a lot of project that i can potentillay plan to have if i continue on this way and still can dominate the game( my winnigs its not enough to buy a big house ,start a sure business,and maybe how know have a family(i will not have kids unless making my self sure that i can offer them all what they can need on this hard and fГ©rious world)but if its the good decisioon i will do it ,i had learn by life that some battles are better to lose ,and trying to win money at the cost of my conscience is a failure ,im really lost and confused about how i should do next

so for evryone who had read this i had 2 simple questions

It is bad to compet for money against other people or this is just a competition like in every aspect of the linfe in the 21 century,,?

Shoud i feeling my self guilty or responsible for the losses and addiction of other people ,now that im in the other side(it can also perfectly change),and if its the case what i can do for them when i meet them on a table,(i can recognize a gambler addict on 10 hand maximum) i take this really personally,?

And more important for everyone who had read this,pleaseeeeeeee dont make the same mistake i had did ,and never approach this game in a professional way or for making money or recovering losses ,u had more chance to win in roulette than in a poker,putting ur money against a good professiionel player it seems like a surely money lost in long term, and no matter how good a professinal can aspire to be ,u can only win money with a big part of luck that u will ,and can never control ,so reaaly not a profitable way to take; i wish someone could have say this to me few years ago,but now my life is commited to this and my happiest moment playing poker will be the day i will decide to stop it ,now or later it will definilty happen one day

THanks for ur time,i wish you a good day